Just In
for Dragon Chronicles 1: Muggle-Raised Champion

1/22 c11 Cc
Ok this story simply not for me sorry for comments last chapter but you should change the summary for this story to let people know you are taking all the magic out of the story wasted my time good luck
1/22 c10 Cc
I want to say that up to this chapter I was enjoying the story and i think you have some skill as a writer but the muggle safety equipment scene bothered me enough I may stop reading in seven books never a serious accident in potions class and you made him seem out of character and bratty for no reason plot wise then in the next paragraph you have him start flying hundreds of feet in the air with no safety stuff or concern when much worse accidents happen in quiditch then potions in the books by the attitude that you seem to want Harry to have he should be in a helmet and knee pads not that it would help a fall from that far but that would make me want to continue less I hope you don't continue to take the magic out of the story will give it another chapter or 2 to turn it around other than this watering down of story and out of character part I liked it so far
1/23 c19 jfcwtfusernames
I find it odd that Daphne says, "I'm not psychic. Nor a mind reader..." As a pure-blood I'd expect her to use 'Seer' and 'legimencer' in place of those muggle terms.
1/18 c32 odonnellzoo99
I read through again since there was too much I felt like I was forgetting as I read DC2. I think the chapters are a bit short to read serialized, but makes for great pacing as a complete story IMO.
I thoroughly enjoyed it this time also.
1/15 c14 Samwise Pevensie
I'm enjoying your more logical less desperate, more mature Harry, rather than someone with no confidence and lots of prickly edges.
1/13 c32 LvvenderFae
this was such good fun to read, thank you for writing it and for ending it in such a satisfying way. I'll likely reread this again sometimes. I hope there is a sequel, but if not, I still think this was a great standalone. so glad something of this quality was written and set in such an underutilized part of the hp timeline. To anyone else reading- we can always do with more GOF centric fanfics! don't be shy now!
1/12 c3 LvvenderFae
I'm loving this. it's a unique take on the trope, although I've only read the first three chapters. I'm probably going to binge the whole story tonight though!
1/10 c11 RatherFabulous
Oh Lordy, this chapter had me laughing out loud.
Dragons...so proud, but with no Thread to fight, I guess things got kinda boring.
Kid shows up hissing (with a bad accent), he's chill, and wants to do your portrait?
Aw Yeah.
1/8 c33 8ZenJack
1/5 c24 Cubdom
Thus far, your plot point on the market ministry investigating Dumbledore has been very well done. I think in general folks are too quick to make Dumbledore suddenly evil and too conniving. I think a few scenes from Dumbledore’s perspective might help bring together the canon Dumbledore and the fan fiction Dumbledore. Obviously, you’re finished with the story - but this is the review I think I would have left if reading it serialized.
1/7 c21 2Clear Skydancer
I think the biggest weakness of this chapter is lumping in the views on half bloods, half breeds, and anything not pureblooded in with the clothes for the culture clash. The differing views on clothing and culture clash and all that is fine, but going 'yeah the way you think of other living, feeling sentients is just culture' is silly. Just shrugging your shoulders and going 'yeah I guess we can be friends' when you're friends with someone who has views like 'the kkk are pretty alright, I'm certainly not going to say anything against them' and attributing it to culture is aggravating.
1/4 c15 Cubdom
This has been a very compelling read thus far. I
1/4 c2 1MrNeedsToRemoveAllFavs
A Job at 11, refusal to let him get a Magical Education, physical abuse, and then it comes out that his wand is incinerated? Followed by two people seeing and hearing someone want to remove magic and being unsubtle about their hatred?

Yeah, no, there are so many things here that require suspension of disbelief to be strained that I can't continue reading past the first chapter.

Wand snapping and removing magic is reserved for the worst criminals in canon, for one. Unlawfully snapping another's wand would probably be a criminal offense, at the least, in that society.

Harry being forced to get a Job at ELEVEN would be reported by someone to the mundane govt at least. Which requires an investigation, because it's either child neglect, or worse. And no, this isn't on the level of mowing lawns. This is blatantly stated to be twelve hour unpaid shifts every weekend at what is either a retail store or a furniture creation factory. The income has to be reported, taxes paid, and so on. There's literally no way for it to go unnoticed and uninvestigated after the first year.

This might have worked in a society before the Industrial Revolution or at the start of it, but after civil rights and such? Nope.
1/4 c9 29Sakura Lisel
Harry should REMIND Dumbledore and Snape that since he’s NOT a student of any of the three competing schools, then they can SHOVE their ‘mandatory’ potions class if he has to take classes with Snape, since as far as HES concerned, as a NON-STUDENT he doesn’t have to show up to Snape class if he doesn’t want to. He’s not a student of Hogwarts, they have no legal right to ‘punish’ him by docking ‘House Points’ since he is NOT part of ANYBODY’S House to take point from, and as a NON-STUDENT, he’s NOT obligated to show up for ANY detentions they try and dump on him for his refusal to do anything he doesn’t want to do in Hogwarts. *lol*
1/4 c5 RonRR
"... stepped forward and into the trunk...reached the bottom of the stairs and looked around...The room that he was now staring around in was easily ten feet by seven feet big..."

I think there is a bit of an oops here in size.

I have noticed the you have a tendency to use both feet and metres for measurements. I grew up during my country's transition between imperial and metric systems and have a tendency to use both systems as well depending on the situation.
However, I think in this case you accidentally used the wrong terms. While 7x10 feet is a good size for a room in a trunk, in a later chapter you refer to this room a large. In feet, it is not large, in metres it could be considered so.
Furthermore, in a future chapter, Harry builds a platform that is 2 metres x 5 metres x 2 feet high. (The mixed use of imperial and metric in the same set of dimensions is a bit odd, but that is how you phrased it). Such a platform, just over 6.5 feet wide and 16.5 feet long will not fit in a 7' x 10' room (unless the room is very tall and it is standing on end :-)) While Harry does have to shrink it later to get it out of the trunk, he did build it full sized (and presumably not standing on end). Harry is also described as having a very good sense of dimensions in the sequel, so I do not think he would miss the rooms actual dimensions by very much in his quick estimate upon first seeing it.

I know it is nit-pick, but it has bothered me each time I have read this story, so I finally decide to mention it.

Thank you for writing,

2,448 Page 1 2 3 4 11 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service