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5/20 c1 zarc4d
this looks really good,I hope its gonna be just ash and dawn traveling
5/20 c1 ParamD77
Since you're redoing it, please don't give Darkrai to Dawn. Excellent story and all considering but that moment was a total buzzkill. Not that I don't like the pairing but Darkrai in competitions is absurd.
5/20 c1 1Cordylion
The nice thing about this revision process, is that it's been so many years since I first read this, that it's basically a completely new story to me. Nice to see Ash focusing on the old team with Croconaw and Cyndaquil. There are a lot of evolutions I'm looking forward to seeing in this fic.

In general there's some dialogue grammar issues I'm going to point out before you're hundreds of thousands of words into revising this lol. Here's an example of dialogue in your fic, and below it I'm going to post the edited version:

Ash grinned as he stood up from the railing he was leaning on and stretched his arms, “Finally.” He said, “A new region with new Pokemon, new Gym Battles and a whole new Pokemon League to conquer.”

Edited: Ash grinned as he stood up from the railing he was leaning on and stretched his arms. “Finally,” he said, “A new region with new Pokemon, new Gym Battles and a whole new Pokemon League to conquer.”

There can be a period or comma after “he said” in this, it really just depends on whether you want to connect it all together with a comma or not.

But one point to take away from this is that the first sentence in this example should end in a period because its content has nothing to do with the dialogue, and therefore shouldn’t be connected to it with a comma. The only things ever tied to dialogue with a comma is stuff like “he said,” or “he asked,” or “he screamed at the heavens with dark fury.” That’s why “Finally,” needs a comma at the end of it instead of a period – it’s a dialogue fragment that should be connected to the “he said” speech tag.

Hope that makes sense. I know an old beta of yours told you otherwise on some of this stuff, and though I hate to say it, he was wrong in that instance.

Definitely looking forward to the next updates.
5/20 c2 Annoyed
Why is it that every story of yours turns into a masturbatory fantasy from the very first chapter? Why cant Ash stop reminiscing about how powerful his pokemon are, how many legendaries he has seen, how self-important and skilled he is. You've written a grade A douchebag as your MC Self-insert
5/19 c1 Guest
It's great to see you working on this story again. Can't wait to read the revised chapters :)
Just a suggestion, but it might be worth renaming each revised chapter with a v2, so it's easier for people to keep track of things.
5/20 c2 RandomCoolGuy
Thanks for the upgrades Jord.
5/20 c1 6Arrexu
so wait is this a remake or just reuploading the old chapters?
5/20 c1 Fyrehanabi
I liked this story before, it wasn't the best fanfic that I've ever read but it was fairly entertaining and it was of a variety that is difficult to come by, non-stupid Ash, not starting from the very beginning and not being one of those moronic stories where he's been betrayed and now has to show everyone who didn't believe in him. I think that another commenter said that and I agree whole heartedly. I like that you toned down the general teenage jerkoff fest that this was, as it helps the story develop better. My only issue of note is a minor thing, when listing all of the legendaries that Ash has seen you mentioned the fake groudon but forgot Jirachi.
5/19 c2 Jon 'Fatjon' Umber
no
why get rid of the chapters. why huhuhuhuhuhu
5/19 c1 Dragon2234
I'm looking forward to how it goes this time.
5/19 c2 AkumaReap3r
Damn, I just finished reading chapter 3 and now all the chapters are gone lol.
5/19 c1 1crazylucsrio123
So far I'm optimistic for the changes you'll be makung. I apreciate your restraint and not going overboard with the changes. It's also a good sign that you're mostly fixing grammar and removing the childish aspects of the story you thought were cool as a 14 yr old lmao. Thumbs up from me
5/19 c1 MasterSpartan
I fully read all of the chapters before you started rewriting this and I can say that your writing style has greatly improved from what you've changed so far. keep up the great work and I can't wait to read the new version of this story
5/19 c1 Thecrazygirlnextdoor101
Do you have a beta ?
5/19 c2 usameer16
So can you also add cynthia in the relationship. Two lovers shouldn't be a problem right and cynthia and dawn can have a real sister relationship with that cause in unova it's shown that both of them have good relationship.
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