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for Merry Secret Trio-mas!

4/20/2018 c1 Unknown
An idea is that Danny could get jealous that Jake worships the ninja and doesn't know who Danny is that he tries to show off and impress Jake which could lead to all kinds of situations.
3/8/2016 c1 4s0103342
This story sounds really good! And it's adorable how Jake is a fan of the Ninja! Please continue. :)
1/12/2016 c1 sugaryakira
Amazing story here! Hope to see more of it! :D
12/25/2015 c1 18CrayonPencil
So you're going to write? Well, I like the story! Keep going! You're doing great!
12/24/2015 c1 5yuri lowell
I really like the idea of your story. I grew up watching DP and American Dragon but I never saw the ninja show but Ill try to watch a couple episodes. There are small mistakes here and there and sometimes your sentence structure is a little choppy but I feel like that the more you write you'll become a better author. Also never be afraid to write what you want. Just put it out and see what happens. :)
12/23/2015 c1 26NoSignalBlueScreen
A nice start here I don't see any glaring grammatical issues and your writing style is easy enough to follow :)

Three things I will suggest as advice:

Add a bit more descriptive detail. It not really always about how long the chapter is but what one gains as info in each chapter. What are the readers seeing, smelling, use the senses to convey scenes. Show and don't tell (I use this next example to look at when I write sometimes)

Telling Sentence
o It was an unusual cat.
Showing Sentence
o With yellow eyes glowing red, long, black fur that stood on end, a mouth full of sharp pointed teeth that
emitted a yowl like a tiger, I knew that the small animal before me was no ordinary cat.

Second: slow the pace down a little bit. This is kinda what the reader feels so far: bam it's Christmas Danny's so where new bam Jake's somewhere new bam they both see robot bam destroy robot bam hey ninja. Experiment with trying to make things happen a bit more slowly (not too slow mind you). Imagine your in Danny and Jakes shoes and just got to Norrisville, what would you look at first/notice first? It's possible a robot could appear right when they got there, but maybe it's a bit of a stretch. That last point is debatable and up to you.

Finally: I would suggest avoiding using first person except for short spurts. Nothing wrong with it but people tend to avoid it because others have misused it and others my think of it as a sign of poor writing on this site (not you! Just a warning because of the folly of others) this way you can also remove the label (Randy's PoV) I don't know why people do this so often because your writing should help guide a reader to that conclusion not a label that separates the story and stops the emmersive feeling of reading by reminding the reader they're reading rather than letting continue their suspension of disbelief. Avoiding severe PoV changes is typically best.

I'm not trying to point out all the bad things at all! I'm excited you've started writing and I want to read a Christmas themed secret trio story! I'm interested. I just wanted to give you some tips and help so that you can avoid falling into traps I've seen others fall into. It's completely up to you if you even bother looking at what I've said or using it. It's your story after all :)

Best of luck! I await the next chapter!
P.s. It's gotta be a pain typing on a tablet device. Then again I did this monster of a review on my phone... Naw still no fun ;)
12/23/2015 c1 MintBushCat
Oooooo this story's going to be really good absolutely love it so far!
12/23/2015 c1 21Sonic Squid
OH MY GOSH I LOVE IT! TOO PERFECT! You're spot on with the characters and I love how Jake was a total fanboy around Randy XD that was hilarious! I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER! THIS IS GOING GREAT!

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