for Semper Fidelis7/7/2020 c3 DawnScarlet19610
Miriam is extremely unlikeable, from her weird habits to terrible language. Edward is so OOC that it's not even him. I thought you were introducing an alternate Bella into canon, not changing other characters as well. You should specify that.
Miriam is extremely unlikeable, from her weird habits to terrible language. Edward is so OOC that it's not even him. I thought you were introducing an alternate Bella into canon, not changing other characters as well. You should specify that.
2/11/2019 c14 
4Owlix
Thank you SOOOOO much for making him not sparkly! I really, REALLY like what you’ve done with the story so far! I love how sassy Miri is & how she calls Edward out on his douchey-ness, & I love how Edward seems more normal because of that! Very well done - I can’t wait to read the rest of the story!
4OwlixThank you SOOOOO much for making him not sparkly! I really, REALLY like what you’ve done with the story so far! I love how sassy Miri is & how she calls Edward out on his douchey-ness, & I love how Edward seems more normal because of that! Very well done - I can’t wait to read the rest of the story!
11/18/2018 c14 Guest
I'm disgusted and disappointed that Miri wasn't a virgin
I'm disgusted and disappointed that Miri wasn't a virgin
11/18/2018 c5 Guest
Edward speaks out of character.
Edward speaks out of character.
11/18/2018 c4 Guest
Miri need to stop swearing...gross
Miri need to stop swearing...gross
11/7/2018 c5 2Emrys315
I can't do it. Edward is ooc and the oc is unlikable. Idk I can't seems to care about her. Her personality so far is stoic and angst. Very cardboard. Honestly all the characters so far aside from white knight mike are underdeveloped. And thats only cus you made him chivelrous
2Emrys315I can't do it. Edward is ooc and the oc is unlikable. Idk I can't seems to care about her. Her personality so far is stoic and angst. Very cardboard. Honestly all the characters so far aside from white knight mike are underdeveloped. And thats only cus you made him chivelrous
11/7/2018 c3 Emrys315
They way she refers to a baby is annoying me. I lost a lot of respect for this story now that she is being all angst over her mom remarrying. Honestly let the woman be happy! You dont have to deal with it now that you live with your dad! And being mad at a baby is immature and hateful. I see no way someone would sympathize with you being so damn dramatic. Instead of being a birch just grow up and let your mom realize her own mistakes. But dont blame the baby.
They way she refers to a baby is annoying me. I lost a lot of respect for this story now that she is being all angst over her mom remarrying. Honestly let the woman be happy! You dont have to deal with it now that you live with your dad! And being mad at a baby is immature and hateful. I see no way someone would sympathize with you being so damn dramatic. Instead of being a birch just grow up and let your mom realize her own mistakes. But dont blame the baby.
11/7/2018 c2 Emrys315
So far its alright. But you are obsessed with time. Its not hurting anything but it seems like I know her schedule and I don't really need to. Maybe throw in a "...an hour later..." Or "A few minutes later.."
I'm not a good writer but I've noticed the trend of suspiciously specific times and I dont see the point of it.
So far im digging the story tho, I read the books in high school and I wanted to see what people did with them. I'm still waiting to get a grasp of your MC's personality. She doesn't seem to react much to social interactions so she seems chill. Hope to see character development soon.
So far its alright. But you are obsessed with time. Its not hurting anything but it seems like I know her schedule and I don't really need to. Maybe throw in a "...an hour later..." Or "A few minutes later.."
I'm not a good writer but I've noticed the trend of suspiciously specific times and I dont see the point of it.
So far im digging the story tho, I read the books in high school and I wanted to see what people did with them. I'm still waiting to get a grasp of your MC's personality. She doesn't seem to react much to social interactions so she seems chill. Hope to see character development soon.
10/3/2016 c1 3ElriyaStark
Hello. That is my opinion to there are really rare Edward/oc stories and its quite sad. I like Charlie very much he is one of my favorite characters an I hope you keep doing him justice
3ElriyaStarkHello. That is my opinion to there are really rare Edward/oc stories and its quite sad. I like Charlie very much he is one of my favorite characters an I hope you keep doing him justice
7/13/2016 c26 Debbie Hicks
27. Non Lupus emercult
then CRUNCHED WITH A bite of a Drounkest but a Slice with help of Vulcan onto my other Wrist ten suddenly with both burned stining then SCREAMING wITH bITTEN BEST FRIENDS AND With my sister she aged then it came Volturi found us both two bitten newborns a pity BLACK Them out wITH Him wih others then CRUNCHED! Both Venom Scoraching then it really happened CHANGED UNDER A fULL MOON OFFICALLY But BLAZING Thrown as all of torn teenagers with powers with us then bled as both thse ones will be slaves then screaming of VENOM Then TIME-sPLIT Taken as all of the Chances of as all of the very far as all of but doated seeds as all of them destroying us/them then suddenly EXECUTED OF ALL OF THEM AS Halfling THEN WITH US BOTH THEN blazing with seeds as All of with siblings exploding Alice what are they Halflings lets take you from here they had us destroyed with as all of them very far way tribazillions suddenly destroyed but resutrrection but suddenly screaming you are unable to reside with them take them from here then too late screaming then time-split for good then it was too late reported they are hybrids as all of them bitten but changed by Vulcan with as all of them are Severed from the bodies Good bring them as all of them but it really happened the truest bite was from our sire Dawn Read Spier was with as all of scars and scrapes and silvery lines and cuts and bruises as all bruises then suddenly as all of them bursting freely bodies vanishing then suddenly our powers emerged but shattering but exploding from life to death from the ,living realmbut what is happening to us/them broken freely then it was no longer humans but myself was with crystalized borg white skin but I had poened my nwest eyes with my own sister with the same thing suddenly crunching freely then they as all of them vanishing around the world to America's youth suffering Vampirishm but reappearing dead but bitten as all of guards crunching then it really happened destroying as all of Bodies as all of them suddenly came as all of them bitten too hardestbroken the loom then suddenly ourenhaned senses wre on warp drive gone hog wild but wwre not as human the curse broken we are not normal kids aged then finally stopped aging then hunted as all of animals by slaying then were more then CRASHING With teir covens packs wre as al of animals converted they as all of them but it ws too late they as all of tem suddenly with remains as all few and last and final ones suddenly came too late but blasted as all of brought in her then suddenly more than as all of guards exploding ten it was no longer alive the very far way too myuch as all of gazillions or more than as all of them with the very lat ones it really ha[ppened destroyed then too late the bodies as all of tem wxed but in lead with chemos as all of chemos very as all of hairs fell off then it came nwest hair grown back then it was no more melted as all of it very far as all of it shrunken but all of the sudden destroyed as all chances of children as all bones decaying then shattering without souls howling then were more screaming then ashes as all of them suddenly too late deceased as all of them then te ffour wwre hearing more than as all of us/them gone crazed of blood then it was too late ourselves wwre cursed with as all of them lost the bodies Alice they cannpt age of the bites as all of name pleae Paul Lahote a Werewp;lf she is one of both species oh my god that was it the Volturi seen ashes of as all delivered then caused us to be departed but deceased full time ten it came in the dead of night burst freely as allof them but came too late the bodies vanished via plane then as all of tem but suddenly they brought them screams as all of them but wre totally murderd but it really happened waxen but bmore than as more chemos then it really happened exploding became dead fully time cause of death organ and brain failure to humans gotten more nwest organs then exploding as all of more guards but they as all of them infected then suddenly explodimg then came as all of more strongest guards then it really happened ourselves never aged at all but haven't changed they told him te cause was blood loss returning abnormally but it really happened looked more stronger golden eyed my sister quoted dark they with golden eyes with nikel skin lived mr amr's yle they were very old then ourselves stopped death but POPPED From bodies ten as gazillions now it's different that was it the bodies burst as all of tem buried bodies the four wwre aging gracefully but elegantly for real but ourselves hadnot aged a day.
27. Non Lupus emercult
then CRUNCHED WITH A bite of a Drounkest but a Slice with help of Vulcan onto my other Wrist ten suddenly with both burned stining then SCREAMING wITH bITTEN BEST FRIENDS AND With my sister she aged then it came Volturi found us both two bitten newborns a pity BLACK Them out wITH Him wih others then CRUNCHED! Both Venom Scoraching then it really happened CHANGED UNDER A fULL MOON OFFICALLY But BLAZING Thrown as all of torn teenagers with powers with us then bled as both thse ones will be slaves then screaming of VENOM Then TIME-sPLIT Taken as all of the Chances of as all of the very far as all of but doated seeds as all of them destroying us/them then suddenly EXECUTED OF ALL OF THEM AS Halfling THEN WITH US BOTH THEN blazing with seeds as All of with siblings exploding Alice what are they Halflings lets take you from here they had us destroyed with as all of them very far way tribazillions suddenly destroyed but resutrrection but suddenly screaming you are unable to reside with them take them from here then too late screaming then time-split for good then it was too late reported they are hybrids as all of them bitten but changed by Vulcan with as all of them are Severed from the bodies Good bring them as all of them but it really happened the truest bite was from our sire Dawn Read Spier was with as all of scars and scrapes and silvery lines and cuts and bruises as all bruises then suddenly as all of them bursting freely bodies vanishing then suddenly our powers emerged but shattering but exploding from life to death from the ,living realmbut what is happening to us/them broken freely then it was no longer humans but myself was with crystalized borg white skin but I had poened my nwest eyes with my own sister with the same thing suddenly crunching freely then they as all of them vanishing around the world to America's youth suffering Vampirishm but reappearing dead but bitten as all of guards crunching then it really happened destroying as all of Bodies as all of them suddenly came as all of them bitten too hardestbroken the loom then suddenly ourenhaned senses wre on warp drive gone hog wild but wwre not as human the curse broken we are not normal kids aged then finally stopped aging then hunted as all of animals by slaying then were more then CRASHING With teir covens packs wre as al of animals converted they as all of them but it ws too late they as all of tem suddenly with remains as all few and last and final ones suddenly came too late but blasted as all of brought in her then suddenly more than as all of guards exploding ten it was no longer alive the very far way too myuch as all of gazillions or more than as all of them with the very lat ones it really ha[ppened destroyed then too late the bodies as all of tem wxed but in lead with chemos as all of chemos very as all of hairs fell off then it came nwest hair grown back then it was no more melted as all of it very far as all of it shrunken but all of the sudden destroyed as all chances of children as all bones decaying then shattering without souls howling then were more screaming then ashes as all of them suddenly too late deceased as all of them then te ffour wwre hearing more than as all of us/them gone crazed of blood then it was too late ourselves wwre cursed with as all of them lost the bodies Alice they cannpt age of the bites as all of name pleae Paul Lahote a Werewp;lf she is one of both species oh my god that was it the Volturi seen ashes of as all delivered then caused us to be departed but deceased full time ten it came in the dead of night burst freely as allof them but came too late the bodies vanished via plane then as all of tem but suddenly they brought them screams as all of them but wre totally murderd but it really happened waxen but bmore than as more chemos then it really happened exploding became dead fully time cause of death organ and brain failure to humans gotten more nwest organs then exploding as all of more guards but they as all of them infected then suddenly explodimg then came as all of more strongest guards then it really happened ourselves never aged at all but haven't changed they told him te cause was blood loss returning abnormally but it really happened looked more stronger golden eyed my sister quoted dark they with golden eyes with nikel skin lived mr amr's yle they were very old then ourselves stopped death but POPPED From bodies ten as gazillions now it's different that was it the bodies burst as all of tem buried bodies the four wwre aging gracefully but elegantly for real but ourselves hadnot aged a day.