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for God Knows I Tried

1/2/2016 c1 10JojiMC
Alright, I'll start with the good here. I know that you haven't really written Aleheather that much (at least, compared to other couples). The beginning was a nice way to start off, and I've noticed that you like to start off stories with the consequences of characters' actions, when they've hit rock-bottom. And Heather with Jose shocked me. I would've liked to see an explanation from her on why she did what she did, but the conflict between her and Alejandro was well-developed, especially with Heather hiding her affection from Alejandro until it was too late.

That being said, Heather and Alejandro were pretty... off throughout this story. The dancing-like-she-was-insane part was random and out-of-place. Their first conversation didn't really seem fit to be centered around fashion, rather than something more substantial. Heather was overreacting when she saw Alejandro kissing another woman, seeing as they only met once and didn't really seem to connect in their first conversation. If she had just been hurt somewhat, though, that would've been understandable. Alejandro's love confession felt too soon, and "thrust into her" came off as really awkward- at least, to me. Although I understand that you took some parts out to finish this on time, I would've preferred if you had released this later with better pacing attached. Then again, I appreciate you not wanting to keep me waiting.

I really liked what Heather said at the end, though, realizing that life moves on and deciding to move on herself. Using the lyrics to your inspiration as an outline for the story was ingenious. Overall, this read as a rough draft that could've used revision to me, but I appreciated the conflict between Heather and Alejandro as well as the final conclusion. Maybe after you take your break, you'll feel more refreshed in your one-shot writing. c:
1/1/2016 c1 493UltimateWarriorFan4Ever
Even though I really hate this couple with a passion, I can't help but feel sorry for Heather. It was very enticing and interesting to see a heartfelt, emotional side of her that we hardly ever see at all. Very different from her usual mean self. Regardless how I feel about AleHeather, this was a very good fic. Nice job! :D

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