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12/21/2022 c1 5Ricardo753
Ok, I know the story is old but I decided to give my opinion

The idea is interesting, and I must say that it is unique, since I have not seen any other story where the possibility that the Indominus has laid eggs is raised.

Even so, the writing needs to be improved, the dialogues and the narration are not understood at all, everything is too chaotic

Likewise, all those author's notes in the middle of the story break the reading, eliminating them all would be the best, as well as better separating the dialogues and explaining the events more calmly

Because honestly, I didn't understand why Ingen has trouble recovering dinosaur DNA.

Or in any case, because Jurassic World is still open or because Alan Grant is going to see Owen.

Take it easy, analyze the dialogues and the narration, and develop the plot better

I guarantee you'll have a great story on your hands if you do it right.
12/26/2017 c1 Dola
I really like the beginning. But please edit this chapter. It is really hard to end as I can't understand where one sentence begins and ends. Also the paragraphs are really big and messy. It took my willpower (also it can't be ignored that you've managed to rise my interest) to finish this. Try to include comas and full-stops as well as make the paras smaller please.
3/27/2016 c1 endertrree
1/5/2016 c1 8The Crimson Commando
While I'm sure you have a very good concept in mind, I would like to give a few pointers.
First off: run-on sentences and paragraphs. I think you should go back and edit this to where it can be read easily, particularly on a computer. Remake the one long sentence into multiple sentences and work from there.
Proper capitalization: I can notice you don't have the beginning of conversations capitalized. As before, go back and edit it so readers don't have a hard time figuring out what you are saying.
Again, I'm not berating you or acting like a grammar nazi. I just want you to know that you need to present your ideas well and clean. I wish you good luck on your editing.
1/5/2016 c1 3frytrix
Remove all comentary and authors notes in the middle of the story, and put them either before the chapters starts or ends.

You had a good chapter but it ruined the reading exprience of the story.
I am rather sure (87%) it is also posted in the rules you have to read before you can post the story at all.

If you intend to post more chapters like this, then please stick to a forum.

Good Luck with the story.

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