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2/14/2018 c7 8adm-frb
Nice! On to the next chapter!
3/11/2017 c6 adm-frb
Very good chapter... Yes Greeds will die, but not yet. Somehow I think Greedo will have missed his chance to intercept Han.

And so, Dave begins learning how to Bounty Hunt
8/29/2016 c6 1TwiggySamp
You asked for this, so here it is. I will not be held responsible for it's length, I tend to rant on when it comes to Star Wars...

First off, starting with the crawl, awesome. Everything Star Wars needs one, if it doesn't have one, it's not Star Wars lol.

My biggest problem is some of the terms used. at the beginning, you called Coruscant a 'city-covered planet' where it should just be a 'City Planet', there's very little left of the planet itself, at least that's accessible. It's more of a City that is a planet, if that makes sense. Second, the tern Jedi is used for anyone who is Force-Sensitive, almost every being in the galaxy is sensitive to the Force it's a weird term lol, but it just seems to grate, to me it shouldn't be so definite, it should be a bit more ambiguous if you get what I mean. Instead of 'your a Jedi?' it should be more of 'are you some kind of Jedi or something'. I'm not sure I'm able to get this across lol. It's not all the time, In chapter two, where Mindy is studying the Lightsaber's, it's correct.

I like the inclusion of Canon character's, but I think they should be some what limited, use Forsaken character's as the bulk if you plan to bring in more, which I think you should :P I see Chloe pulling off the role of a Jedi Shadow very easily, not sure why.

As a fan of the Old Republic Era, I like seeing Rishi and Nar Shadda, which are big in the Old Republic era, I'm a SWTOR player, they are some of my favourite Planet's to level on, hell I just enjoy being on the Planet's lol.

Dreams like that are usually visions from the Force, which is a very rare gift. Usually only people of some kind of importance get such a vision.
A lot of people use 'Saberstaff', I prefer to call them double-blades, Saberstaff's make me think of a Lightsaber Pike, funnily enough, they are the double-blades used by Temple Guards on Coruscant. It's confusing lol.
I suppose these weapons aren't really double-blades, their just single blades that can connect together, where a true double-blade would be a single hilt with two emitters, with either a single or two workings inside. I'll try to stop being anal about things lol.
Either way, I like that they connect, Like Asajj Ventress' Lightsaber's.
The first time Mindy uses the Force, I think she's going to give the guy the finger lol.
Is Dave feeling the pull of the Dark Side, being drawn to the Imperial Palace after all.
I don't believe Vader lived in the Jedi Temple, they lived in their own palace's. Unless Mindy just thought he did.
Naming the droid Kate, funny lol.
Mindy putting the moves on Dave already, dang girl lol.

Nervous Mindy is cute lol.
YT-2400 are very nice ships, perfect for the job. Hell, any of the YT line would work, couldn't go wrong.
That's something very few people seem to understand, hyperspace travel is NOT instant, trips could take up to weeks at a time. Very good to see.
Phase II clone armour would allow her to be in space for a number of hours, they were very good like that.
No matter what universe, Mindy knows how to tease Dave lol. Of course he was enjoying the view.
Most Jedi and Sith sleep with their Lightsabers, that's part of why quite often the switch is on the inside, so it can only be activated with the Force, only the Jedi who created it knows where it is. Making it impossible for anyone who isn't a force user to use most lightsabers.
Mindy really has a something for Dave lol. Such a tease.
Dave out of nowhere lands a cracker of a kick, nice.
Lol, Kate can be sneaky, I like it.

Famous last words, Mindy lol.
Mindy channelling her inner Kaylee, from Firefly lol.
Mindy knows how to 'List lazily to the left'...
Things starting to heat up a little between Dave and Mindy. Mindy needs to calm down huh, I think we all know who that will happen lol.
Dave ever the Gentleman lol. Mindy has no shame lol, just embarrasses it all.
Hmm... wonder who that person is...

'Full of myself' probably the most accurate description on Han Solo ever lol.
Sex Slave, if Mindy gets he way he will be, maybe Han knows her better than she realises...
Mindy trusts Han about as far as she could throw him, which isn't as far as she would like.
Han is always in debt to someone, usually a hutt or 2 lol.
I think Han solo is the only person who can tell a truth such as that and get away with it.
'Strip' Mindy has been waiting to say that for... well... almost 2 days.

Ahhh Rex, gotta love seeing him around still. Great character.
You said Mindy was a Jedi Youngling, does that mean that Mindy was already a part of the Jedi Order, she had started her training, for her age at least? The council would be been pissed that two Jedi were in a relationship and had children, in the Old Republic era it was fine, but at this point in time, they had very strict rules about Jedi having relationship's. Only Jedi who were raised by the order from birth were allowed to have relationship's, and then they were only allowed to be together on Coruscant while under supervision. Most of the time, Jedi simply would be denied such a request.
I'll be honest, the first time I read this, I didn't see it coming that Dave's parents were StormTroopers, I had expected something else. Maybe a known thief.
Jabba's a Hutt, they are all the same, that's not racial profiling lol, it's true, they all long for the return of the old Hutt Empire, from before the Republic and Jedi existed.
'Rex seemed to think that you are a Jedi...' This is exactly what I was talking about earlier. The terminology is incorrect there. Just because a person is a force user, doesn't mean they are a Jedi, same with her parents, doesn't make her a Jedi. I know at the point in time, they wouldn't really understand what the Jedi are, but it still grates when reading.
Dave to me would be a Jedi Guardian, like Anakin, very story and steady, as well as a great combatant. Where Mindy is more like Ahsoka Tano, fast and agile, but rather overwhelming in battle. Or maybe a Shadow, but that I think would be more of Chloe.

Hmm, wonder who the old man is...
who shot first, Mindy or Greedo lol.
Mindy has bigger balls than 99% of males, even in A Galaxy Far Far Away lol.
The sly devil, tipping off Han.
At this point, all Mindy and Dave are are Force-Sensitive's, nothing more. There's no guarantee that they are even strong enough to join the Jedi Order.
It's a same The Clone Wars didn't explore Rishi much, at least SWTOR does, I love that planet.

Over all, I really enjoyed this Fic, it has a lot of potential. I'd like to see more Fusion members brought into it. Maybe use some of them as Dark Acolytes. Chloe would definitely be a Double-Blade user, It's basically a Bo-Staff lol. I think it would be best to stay with only Mindy and Dave for a little while longer, but bring in other's soon enough, get this arc underway before adding anyone.

More of Rex would be great, he's old at this point, but is still a useful character to have.
I take it your going with Canon rather than Legacy Canon, but it would be nice to see them going to planets that have a meaning to Jedi, places like Ilum. If you were using Legacy canon, I'd suggest planets like Tython or Taris. Not sure what your planning with Rishi, considering in Canon it's just a barren planets devoid of anything really.
5/11/2016 c6 Guest
Tentatively interested. A personal quibble is that the terms used grate against my decent EU knowledge. It's not too bad though.
5/10/2016 c6 7gamby004
And so their own little adventure begins. Wonder who will be their master and if some familiar characters will show
1/26/2016 c5 8adm-frb
Nice introduction to Rex. That's actually something I can easily see him doing. I bet he's a common sight in Mos Eisley and everyone probably knows who he is. Just wishing there was more interaction between him, Mindy and Dave...

:) That's Rex through and through. Ensuring Mindy's wearing the armour correctly, It's ingrained into him, and he even did the same with Dave. Hmm... If it was a month later, Dave might be just as 'informal' as to how he wears it...

:) Those BARC speeder-bikes are cool, and may actually be the better option than the even older 74-Z Speeder Bike that the Empire uses (ROTJ). Nice to see that Dave can fire a blaster, and a nice revelation that his parents were stormtroopers. I can totally see how the Empire would have eliminated them when they tried to leave. The Empire doesn't want people to think that the troopers are anything other than fanatically loyal...

You missed an opportunity here for Mindy to get excited in that way she does about weapons... She could have used it t explain how the weapon works etc. You could even have used the opportunity to identity just what blasters she is using...

Wow... Dave is Force-sensitive too. Might be the reason why Dave's parents tried to leave...

Overall, a nice chapter, but you missed a couple of spelling goofs (writing 'lightsabre' instead of 'lightsaber.'

Need more!
1/16/2016 c4 adm-frb
Han, Han, Han...

He doesn't ever change, does he...

:) Loved the way you do Wookie speech. Better than the way some people say roar, bark or whine...

Han's always funny. Especially when he's right and doesn't know he's right. Like call Dave, Mindy's boyfriend, which Dave is 'from a certain point of view.'

Still, it probably is a good idea to be armed when around Han. Because, while he may have no bad intentions, it's always possible that someone like Greedo or Boba Fett might be larking around nearby...

Wow, Han giving advice on women is never good. About the only good advice Han gave was telling Dave not to lie around them... especially Mindy...

Loved the armour setup. A very Star Wars-esque Kick-Ass...

Loved the sparring session. Especially both being able to not hold back while in it... Accidental Force use. Bet that was a shock for her...

And they've reached Tatooine... Here's where the fun begins...
1/16/2016 c3 adm-frb
Brilliant chapter!

Wow, it looks like the 'Sentinel' has a similar personality to the Millennium Falcon. Breaking down right when you least want the girl to breakdown. At least, it was easily fixed...

Brilliant fight! Short! But sweet! Looks like the 'Sentinel' has some teeth. Those quad laser cannons can really hit. Whoever was in that old G9-Rigger class freighter was clearly out of his/her/it's mind. That class of ship was ancient at the time of the Clone Wars, and by this time...

Yup! Mindy is as cold and heartless as ever to anyone who tries to take her on. Totally her.

:) Noticed tou've ripped a few Star Wars lines here and there...

And, why do I get the feeling, we're about to meet a certain Corellian...

Need More!
1/11/2016 c3 7gamby004
I see Mindy has another name and she is darn right to change it to Mindy

Dave hating Kick Ass? I thought I'd never hear that from his mouth

Poor kate. The droids the funny buttmonkey But it suits it XD

The Sentinel kind of reminds me of the millenium falcon

Looks like we will see a familar face yes?

great chapter. Hope Mindy uses the sabers soon
1/10/2016 c2 8adm-frb
Interesting chapter, wonder what Dave had been going to say right before the general alarm sounded.

Glad to see they're trying to get to know each other. I think it's also quite clear both are attracted to one another, but don't realise it. I mean Mindy is dressing quite provocatively, leaving certain areas exposed, and emphasising what 'assets' she does have. Though, I suspect that Kate does in his unique way.

Hmm, I like how this Dave knows how to fight, still I've got wonder just how he ended up on the streets. NEED MORE!
1/7/2016 c2 7gamby004
Nice chapter my friend

Mindy's look was unique here and actually uses former cline trooper armory but Dave's look reminded mo of Finn and he coming from Jakku, its not that far.

Will we see episode …VII characters here as well? I'm sure they'll encounter the others

I knew Kate talked familiar. He has the processor of one of the droids. I really find their roger riger hilarious

It seems the lightsabers has called out to Mindy and has the Force awaken in her

Great job. I wonder who' after them now
1/7/2016 c1 8adm-frb
Brilliant start...

Yup, Coruscant at this time is not a place you want to be... So many questions... Wonder just who Falon Grey is, and how he knew her parents... Is he a Jedi, and how did he get the lightsabers...

:) Yup B1-K8 is so funny I brilliant combination of Threepio and Artoo rolled into one... :)

"Fancy a drink?" Is Mindy about to offer Dave alcohol?

Couple of typos. You've written 'god' when you meant 'good'. You've also said lightsabre a few times when it should be lightsaber...

The ship could also have been made interesting by describing the sounds of the ship. Powering up, the engines engaging etc.

Need more!
1/6/2016 c1 7gamby004
Great start my friend.

So Mindy's battle style sould be similar to Darth Maul? I did fancy those two sided lightsabers

I thought Kate was a real person until I realized that Kate was a droid. Nice play with words by the way

Why did Dave go to the imperial palace and then suddenly leave? And also, Mindy didn't second thoughts with meeting Dave the first time and by the way, is Dave going to be like Han Solo?

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