for The Hero Bard4/18/2016 c15 
60Falneou17
"THE END IS NEAR!" she screamed with optimistic excitement XD oh Eleanor XD poor Rosa though… but really, what's with that boss? Writing out their hideout's name like that… Yup, Eleanor is adorable XD Chinese eh? Hm, interesting… so either Eleanor or Lustrous (or both) can understand Chinese to some extent… that, and the fact that the language (and, by extension, the country) exists in this universe… that… Riolu… ergh… of course it would change to static… oh well, better luck next time guys! Lyra Lyra… selling out your friends like that… but yeah, torture chambers aren't supposed to be a very pleasant place to say the least… wow… a lot of character insight on Kaz's part… nice! I see… a sudden twist in fate made Kara a good-gal-in-disguise… but wow, someone like Kara got ambushed that easily? Hm… but really, that fruit joke… should've seen it coming… "many cliffies"? Probably… so seeing as this is a set-up kind of chapter, let's see what you two can achieve in the next chapter! I must say that the insight in the individual characters is really nice though, so keep it up you two!
60Falneou17"THE END IS NEAR!" she screamed with optimistic excitement XD oh Eleanor XD poor Rosa though… but really, what's with that boss? Writing out their hideout's name like that… Yup, Eleanor is adorable XD Chinese eh? Hm, interesting… so either Eleanor or Lustrous (or both) can understand Chinese to some extent… that, and the fact that the language (and, by extension, the country) exists in this universe… that… Riolu… ergh… of course it would change to static… oh well, better luck next time guys! Lyra Lyra… selling out your friends like that… but yeah, torture chambers aren't supposed to be a very pleasant place to say the least… wow… a lot of character insight on Kaz's part… nice! I see… a sudden twist in fate made Kara a good-gal-in-disguise… but wow, someone like Kara got ambushed that easily? Hm… but really, that fruit joke… should've seen it coming… "many cliffies"? Probably… so seeing as this is a set-up kind of chapter, let's see what you two can achieve in the next chapter! I must say that the insight in the individual characters is really nice though, so keep it up you two!
4/17/2016 c15 4DeathDealer Inc
Kaz's inner-monologue reminded me of one of my favorite quotes in media; "I don't need luck. I don't want it. I've had to fight and struggle for my place and that has made me strong; it's made me who I am." Funnily enough, this character was also an anti-hero.
Bad
1) You forgot to put lines between the different segments
2) I'm kind of disappointed Mithril didn't get a moment of introspection like Kaz did. Then again, you could just go the "actions speak louder than monologing" route. Still, even then it seems like she forgot Adament's statement inbetween chapters.
3) Ethan and Will still kind of get on my nerves. Don't they have any other character traits besides their quirks? You see, if characters are cake, then their personality is the cake itself, their motivations and origins are the icing, and quirks are the sprinkles. You can't have a cake of just sprinkles. Get what I'm saying?
Good
1) Lyra and Nat have a good dynamic going, though I feel like Lyra is competing with Kaz for the "sociopath hero" role (that last part was meant as a joke, do not take it seriously; just laugh)
2) Adamant is actually making me want to know more about him. He clearly has more experience and intelligence than the others around him, and the way he carries himself implies some hidden depths. I would not mind at all learning his backstory.
3) Kaz is becoming a real determinator/unfettered (google: tvtropes). I always like those kinds of characters; there's something interesting about a character who will drive towards a single goal, showing ruthless disregard all other things in pursuit of this one, single thing from which everything stems from in their view. Her monologue perfectly exemplified that. I'm actually starting to feel a bit spoiled with how much of the story has shaped around the siblings.
4) Kara's plottwist was pretty interesting, one I definitely didn't see coming. I can only wonder at how long she's been undercover; though, the best plottwists are the ones where you can read in previous chapters and think 'oh my gosh, I never noticed that!' or 'so THAT'S why they did that!' and I'm relatively certain there weren't any such clues in the past. Still, this is going into the 'hidden depths' territory I talked about with Adamant; a character who looks like one thing on the surface but if you look closely you will see there's more than meets the eye. Though I feel like Kara is about to die now that she's been found out(?).
Ugly (at least that's how people typically feel about questions)
1) What friggin time period are we in?
2) Why would the Minion's Union have a base in the middle of a road that people could accidentally get into
3) Is Garcon Morris someone from your school or something?
4) Why would an evil boss give his minion's a union?
5) Was that chloroform that Kara got knocked out with? You tease me... In all seriousness, chloroform is a tool of a professional, and what professional assassins do we know in this story...700?
6) Alternatively, is this part of that third faction that was kind of introduced in that amateur assassin came from?
4DeathDealer IncKaz's inner-monologue reminded me of one of my favorite quotes in media; "I don't need luck. I don't want it. I've had to fight and struggle for my place and that has made me strong; it's made me who I am." Funnily enough, this character was also an anti-hero.
Bad
1) You forgot to put lines between the different segments
2) I'm kind of disappointed Mithril didn't get a moment of introspection like Kaz did. Then again, you could just go the "actions speak louder than monologing" route. Still, even then it seems like she forgot Adament's statement inbetween chapters.
3) Ethan and Will still kind of get on my nerves. Don't they have any other character traits besides their quirks? You see, if characters are cake, then their personality is the cake itself, their motivations and origins are the icing, and quirks are the sprinkles. You can't have a cake of just sprinkles. Get what I'm saying?
Good
1) Lyra and Nat have a good dynamic going, though I feel like Lyra is competing with Kaz for the "sociopath hero" role (that last part was meant as a joke, do not take it seriously; just laugh)
2) Adamant is actually making me want to know more about him. He clearly has more experience and intelligence than the others around him, and the way he carries himself implies some hidden depths. I would not mind at all learning his backstory.
3) Kaz is becoming a real determinator/unfettered (google: tvtropes). I always like those kinds of characters; there's something interesting about a character who will drive towards a single goal, showing ruthless disregard all other things in pursuit of this one, single thing from which everything stems from in their view. Her monologue perfectly exemplified that. I'm actually starting to feel a bit spoiled with how much of the story has shaped around the siblings.
4) Kara's plottwist was pretty interesting, one I definitely didn't see coming. I can only wonder at how long she's been undercover; though, the best plottwists are the ones where you can read in previous chapters and think 'oh my gosh, I never noticed that!' or 'so THAT'S why they did that!' and I'm relatively certain there weren't any such clues in the past. Still, this is going into the 'hidden depths' territory I talked about with Adamant; a character who looks like one thing on the surface but if you look closely you will see there's more than meets the eye. Though I feel like Kara is about to die now that she's been found out(?).
Ugly (at least that's how people typically feel about questions)
1) What friggin time period are we in?
2) Why would the Minion's Union have a base in the middle of a road that people could accidentally get into
3) Is Garcon Morris someone from your school or something?
4) Why would an evil boss give his minion's a union?
5) Was that chloroform that Kara got knocked out with? You tease me... In all seriousness, chloroform is a tool of a professional, and what professional assassins do we know in this story...700?
6) Alternatively, is this part of that third faction that was kind of introduced in that amateur assassin came from?
4/17/2016 c15 1Joe Mudkat
WHY ALL THE CLIFFHANGERS?!
And a lot more character development as well. Pretty nice!
1Joe MudkatWHY ALL THE CLIFFHANGERS?!
And a lot more character development as well. Pretty nice!
4/7/2016 c14 13DaMadsta
!ouy dnatsrednu nac I ,reppoC ,yeH :D
Anyways, glad to have all that cleared up between Eth, Will and Lyra. Hope to see more of them being more level-headed! And nice breach of the fourth wall there, guys XD It's interesting to see the dexholder kiddos in a more serious story, since Ethan is usually just comedic relief. It brings out more of their character, and I like it!
... Ooh boy. Lapis, Grisseo and Lukree... -_- They really don't work well together, huh? XD And that lil' banana is so stuck up! (Don't hurt me, oh child prodigy of aura techniques!)
And also... OH NO! NICK, ELEANOR AND LUSTROUS! WHY THE HECK WAS THERE A BOTTOMLESS(?) PIT IN THE FOREST?! QAQ
Mmmgh, Kaz is freakin' me out more and more with each chapter... be careful, Mith and Ad! Hmm, and I know the basic backstory of Kaz and Benjen, but it's still interesting to see it unfold like this. And Adamant, yes! Share your wisdom with Mith!
Aaaah, poor Orange. Well, on the plus side, he's gonna get stronger, but also.. I'm concerned for how he's gonna turn out in the end seeing as it's Leon and Kara training him...
ALSO DARN YOU, BOSS! YOU LET THE MERPEOPLE FLY?! THAT'S SO UNFAIR! (I LOVE Aqua so much XD)
13DaMadsta!ouy dnatsrednu nac I ,reppoC ,yeH :D
Anyways, glad to have all that cleared up between Eth, Will and Lyra. Hope to see more of them being more level-headed! And nice breach of the fourth wall there, guys XD It's interesting to see the dexholder kiddos in a more serious story, since Ethan is usually just comedic relief. It brings out more of their character, and I like it!
... Ooh boy. Lapis, Grisseo and Lukree... -_- They really don't work well together, huh? XD And that lil' banana is so stuck up! (Don't hurt me, oh child prodigy of aura techniques!)
And also... OH NO! NICK, ELEANOR AND LUSTROUS! WHY THE HECK WAS THERE A BOTTOMLESS(?) PIT IN THE FOREST?! QAQ
Mmmgh, Kaz is freakin' me out more and more with each chapter... be careful, Mith and Ad! Hmm, and I know the basic backstory of Kaz and Benjen, but it's still interesting to see it unfold like this. And Adamant, yes! Share your wisdom with Mith!
Aaaah, poor Orange. Well, on the plus side, he's gonna get stronger, but also.. I'm concerned for how he's gonna turn out in the end seeing as it's Leon and Kara training him...
ALSO DARN YOU, BOSS! YOU LET THE MERPEOPLE FLY?! THAT'S SO UNFAIR! (I LOVE Aqua so much XD)
4/4/2016 c14 26BlueCelebi
Aw, that was a sad backstory... *sniffle*
Mithril: *snort* I-I need another t-tissue...
26BlueCelebiAw, that was a sad backstory... *sniffle*
Mithril: *snort* I-I need another t-tissue...
4/3/2016 c14 4DeathDealer Inc
Yay, drama and war!
Now, feel the pain of war and the tears of drama
1) Blue, Topaz, Aquamarine, Red, Gold, Crystal, Turquoise, Green, black-with-a-hint-of-purple; who can keep these guys straight?!
I know that was short. Don't let it make you sloppy; I'll be here to keep you on your toes if you start making mistakes. Drill Sergeant Nasty Style!
But, Drill Sergeant Nasty still has to admit..
1) You're doing a good job of spacing out the telling of Kaz and Benjen's backstory, and the challenges it poses to Mithril's ideologies is delicious to watch. I love watching philosophies clash. Now all you have to do is not let-up; Mithril is getting a chance at a real arc, make sure it plays out to its fullest, no reverting back to the status quo. The same kind of goes with Kaz and Benjen; don't show any mercy, do everything you have to in order to make sure the tragedy gets across to the audience; make the audience feel the way Kaz felt, like the entire world was being torn apart and all human decency was dead! To this aim; you've presented it as though Benjen was a big emotional support for the village, so maybe have the entire village change after his disappearance for the worse, thus ruining any chance Kaz had of reacting healthily as she sees not only her precious disappear but everything she values either crumble without the support or outright turn against her. The best way to show how what a character believes is to make the audience believe it; to get across how much a character hates the world, make the audience hate the world.
2) I like how Orange's ideology is also being kind of challenged, which also opens the door to character growth. Same with Mithril; which direction you go is entirely up to you, just make sure things don't go back to the status quo and it can be considered a success. Status quo is the death of good storytelling
And now, for English Teacher Nasty!
1) Is Nic's arm still broken?
2) Is Orange still pink?
3) What will the telling of the siblings' story do to Adament? On that note, what will retelling the story do to Kaz herself?
4) So you confirmed earlier that in this universe, talking about someone makes them sneeze. Does that mean 700 has a massive cold right now?
5) What kind of military does the Color Kingdom (not related to the 1920s social commentary 'Rise of the Colored Empire') have to fight against the Water Kingdom? And what are the main strategies of attack on both sides? Is the Color Kingdom looking for a war of attrition or are they going to use this opportunity to take territory in the Water Kingdom or maybe turn them into a vassal state.
4DeathDealer IncYay, drama and war!
Now, feel the pain of war and the tears of drama
1) Blue, Topaz, Aquamarine, Red, Gold, Crystal, Turquoise, Green, black-with-a-hint-of-purple; who can keep these guys straight?!
I know that was short. Don't let it make you sloppy; I'll be here to keep you on your toes if you start making mistakes. Drill Sergeant Nasty Style!
But, Drill Sergeant Nasty still has to admit..
1) You're doing a good job of spacing out the telling of Kaz and Benjen's backstory, and the challenges it poses to Mithril's ideologies is delicious to watch. I love watching philosophies clash. Now all you have to do is not let-up; Mithril is getting a chance at a real arc, make sure it plays out to its fullest, no reverting back to the status quo. The same kind of goes with Kaz and Benjen; don't show any mercy, do everything you have to in order to make sure the tragedy gets across to the audience; make the audience feel the way Kaz felt, like the entire world was being torn apart and all human decency was dead! To this aim; you've presented it as though Benjen was a big emotional support for the village, so maybe have the entire village change after his disappearance for the worse, thus ruining any chance Kaz had of reacting healthily as she sees not only her precious disappear but everything she values either crumble without the support or outright turn against her. The best way to show how what a character believes is to make the audience believe it; to get across how much a character hates the world, make the audience hate the world.
2) I like how Orange's ideology is also being kind of challenged, which also opens the door to character growth. Same with Mithril; which direction you go is entirely up to you, just make sure things don't go back to the status quo and it can be considered a success. Status quo is the death of good storytelling
And now, for English Teacher Nasty!
1) Is Nic's arm still broken?
2) Is Orange still pink?
3) What will the telling of the siblings' story do to Adament? On that note, what will retelling the story do to Kaz herself?
4) So you confirmed earlier that in this universe, talking about someone makes them sneeze. Does that mean 700 has a massive cold right now?
5) What kind of military does the Color Kingdom (not related to the 1920s social commentary 'Rise of the Colored Empire') have to fight against the Water Kingdom? And what are the main strategies of attack on both sides? Is the Color Kingdom looking for a war of attrition or are they going to use this opportunity to take territory in the Water Kingdom or maybe turn them into a vassal state.
4/3/2016 c14 60Falneou17
Alright, back to the original continuity. Yup, sounds exactly like Silver's daughter XD y…eah… there have been quite a lot of fourth wall breaks going on… Eth deserved that one for sure! I'm with Lapis on that one, having a lot of titles and mentioning all those titles whenever one is referring to oneself are two different things, and the latter seems kind of arrogant to me… reminds me of Zanark… seriously, what is with the Boss anyway? The more he appears the less I understand the guy… and that is coming from somebody who plays mind games with his readers on an almost biweekly basis! Is it weird to find Eleanor absolutely adorable x3? I love how Eleanor is like "No! Forget about me! Go save yourself!" and then, a split second later, she's all like "Oh eff it! If one of us dies we're all going down with them!" xD I'm liking Kaz! Instead of asking for a new hint she's making Mithril go to her with it x3 ohhhhhhh! LEON! I was actually expecting him to say "if that is the case… attack me with the intent of killing me right here and now kid!", but I guess that should work also for now. Ouch… sucks to be Aqua… and sometimes it sucks to be right…
Well, despite everything you said about this chapter, the quality in and of itself didn't drop enough for it to be noticeable ;) that is, of course, assuming that it dropped in the first place; it was still great! But if next chapter is going to be better then by all means surprise me!
60Falneou17Alright, back to the original continuity. Yup, sounds exactly like Silver's daughter XD y…eah… there have been quite a lot of fourth wall breaks going on… Eth deserved that one for sure! I'm with Lapis on that one, having a lot of titles and mentioning all those titles whenever one is referring to oneself are two different things, and the latter seems kind of arrogant to me… reminds me of Zanark… seriously, what is with the Boss anyway? The more he appears the less I understand the guy… and that is coming from somebody who plays mind games with his readers on an almost biweekly basis! Is it weird to find Eleanor absolutely adorable x3? I love how Eleanor is like "No! Forget about me! Go save yourself!" and then, a split second later, she's all like "Oh eff it! If one of us dies we're all going down with them!" xD I'm liking Kaz! Instead of asking for a new hint she's making Mithril go to her with it x3 ohhhhhhh! LEON! I was actually expecting him to say "if that is the case… attack me with the intent of killing me right here and now kid!", but I guess that should work also for now. Ouch… sucks to be Aqua… and sometimes it sucks to be right…
Well, despite everything you said about this chapter, the quality in and of itself didn't drop enough for it to be noticeable ;) that is, of course, assuming that it dropped in the first place; it was still great! But if next chapter is going to be better then by all means surprise me!
4/3/2016 c14 1Joe Mudkat
Will is a lot less infatuated now...
And great character development!
Keep up the good work!
1Joe MudkatWill is a lot less infatuated now...
And great character development!
Keep up the good work!
4/3/2016 c13 60Falneou17
I did not get a notification for this chapter… weird… anyway! Yup, happy days indeed! Hm… I was sure I noted how repeating the same word over a small period of time would ruin the mood of the chapter, and I'm afraid it did… aw, Lapis ships them XD I feel ya Ly… I feel ya…
Although I am all for a spin-off thing, including it here kind of ruined the flow of the story, which is a real shame… the fact that it has a humongous character cast also made everybody's screentime extremely limited… I dunno, I honestly think you guys bit off a bit more than you could chew with this special… there were, however, several parts that made me smile or even laugh, so there's that!
60Falneou17I did not get a notification for this chapter… weird… anyway! Yup, happy days indeed! Hm… I was sure I noted how repeating the same word over a small period of time would ruin the mood of the chapter, and I'm afraid it did… aw, Lapis ships them XD I feel ya Ly… I feel ya…
Although I am all for a spin-off thing, including it here kind of ruined the flow of the story, which is a real shame… the fact that it has a humongous character cast also made everybody's screentime extremely limited… I dunno, I honestly think you guys bit off a bit more than you could chew with this special… there were, however, several parts that made me smile or even laugh, so there's that!
3/28/2016 c13 13DaMadsta
...Well, that seemed to be a very exciting, if a bit dysfunctional, Easter egg hunt XD Happy Easter, you two! And I see you made a guest appearance to judge the hunt, eh?
Oh gosh, I was sure Nat and Mith were gonna team up XD They might've been able to give Lapis and Ly a run for their money... or maybe not... Lyra DID have Will and Eth helping her, after all. And I thought Kara and Mith were gonna have lots of trouble, but Kara solved that well! Also... Grisseo n O! THAT'S NOT HOW YOU EGGHUNT! Well to wrap it up, this was a cute little extra! Thanks, guys! :D
13DaMadsta...Well, that seemed to be a very exciting, if a bit dysfunctional, Easter egg hunt XD Happy Easter, you two! And I see you made a guest appearance to judge the hunt, eh?
Oh gosh, I was sure Nat and Mith were gonna team up XD They might've been able to give Lapis and Ly a run for their money... or maybe not... Lyra DID have Will and Eth helping her, after all. And I thought Kara and Mith were gonna have lots of trouble, but Kara solved that well! Also... Grisseo n O! THAT'S NOT HOW YOU EGGHUNT! Well to wrap it up, this was a cute little extra! Thanks, guys! :D
3/28/2016 c12 DaMadsta
OH MY GOSH THESE GROUPS ARE SO GREAT XD
Orange buddy... technically you are still a kid... but heck, you can prove yourself to them! And I can't BELIEVE he got paired with Leon and Kara, AND the boss wants them to train him XD GOSH, Kaz is starting to get on my nerves honestly... don't be mean to Mithril! D: And Adamant, always the calm one XD NATALIE OH MY GOSH YOU LANDED IN A GROUP OF NOT-NINJAS XD BE CAREFUL OUT THERE! Funny how she's supposed to be a bad guy, but she's got such a 'pal' relationship with Ly. Lustrous, Eleanor and Nick, huh? Honestly, I feel like that's gonna be the only group that's actually mostly functional. Or at least, mostly friendly. DON'T YOU DARE CALL THAT RIOLU A BANANA AGAIN, GRISSEO AND LAPIS! SHE'S HEIR TO THE THRONE! XD Aaaaand Silver and Blue started a war. Welp, all in a day's work, right?
OH MY GOSH THESE GROUPS ARE SO GREAT XD
Orange buddy... technically you are still a kid... but heck, you can prove yourself to them! And I can't BELIEVE he got paired with Leon and Kara, AND the boss wants them to train him XD GOSH, Kaz is starting to get on my nerves honestly... don't be mean to Mithril! D: And Adamant, always the calm one XD NATALIE OH MY GOSH YOU LANDED IN A GROUP OF NOT-NINJAS XD BE CAREFUL OUT THERE! Funny how she's supposed to be a bad guy, but she's got such a 'pal' relationship with Ly. Lustrous, Eleanor and Nick, huh? Honestly, I feel like that's gonna be the only group that's actually mostly functional. Or at least, mostly friendly. DON'T YOU DARE CALL THAT RIOLU A BANANA AGAIN, GRISSEO AND LAPIS! SHE'S HEIR TO THE THRONE! XD Aaaaand Silver and Blue started a war. Welp, all in a day's work, right?
3/28/2016 c11 DaMadsta
(Short reviews cuz I got two chapters t'read ugh)
AGH THEY ALL GOT SUCKED UP!?
.. Well, maybe this is a good thing, cuz they'll all land in the same spot... buuuuut that means all the bad guys will be there too. Hooooo boy. Welp, let's see what happens in the next chapter!
(Short reviews cuz I got two chapters t'read ugh)
AGH THEY ALL GOT SUCKED UP!?
.. Well, maybe this is a good thing, cuz they'll all land in the same spot... buuuuut that means all the bad guys will be there too. Hooooo boy. Welp, let's see what happens in the next chapter!
3/28/2016 c13 BlueCelebi
I was surprised at seeing an Easter special, but I'm glad you guys did it! XD This was hilarious and I LOVED it! Poor Mith, being tricked like that.
I was surprised at seeing an Easter special, but I'm glad you guys did it! XD This was hilarious and I LOVED it! Poor Mith, being tricked like that.