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for Harry Potter: The Game of the Deathly Hallows

4/26/2016 c5 21edboy4926
Good story
Keep on going
4/25/2016 c4 1Asteria25
The writing could be more consistent, it can cause confusion when switching between first persons. Personally prefer third person, the exact thoughts of characters don't have to be written but it may leek from body languages or facial expressions. Be confident and keep up the good work.
4/17/2016 c5 Guest
This is so bad it makes me vomit. Good job.
4/17/2016 c3 16Emperor Vanquest
A very nice addition to your growing story!
4/17/2016 c2 Emperor Vanquest
Very nice start to what I hope is a promising story. :-)
4/17/2016 c2 andjelija.nenic
Update more chapters about this story,because it's the best,extra and the great story that I was reading about it,and I am also starting to love and to like reading to this story. So can you please write more chapters,because I want to know what happens in the next chapters about it. THANKS SO MUCH FOR WRITTEN TO THIS STORY,thanks so much about it.&&&£££%%%$$$
4/16/2016 c5 god of all
Great chapter and story so far please continue this story soon.
4/11/2016 c5 Guest
we want more soon
4/8/2016 c2 Guest
A sensible person would not buy this explanation for the end of the world. What logically would of happened is that the killing curse would of been reflected back at Malfoy like what happened to Voldermort.
4/7/2016 c5 Guest
you're doing it again! if you want to use a third person style 'he' then don't go back to first person style 'I' writing.. its annoying.. example from this chapter:
- (Hadrian smirked and replied back in the same tone, "True, but I believe that only applies for men who NEED weapons to defend themselves, because their hands are not strong enough. I however, proud myself to be different from those men, kingsguard".) this is third person.
- and this (The man looked away as I said," A good title, but not a name, I notice. I asked the latter, not the former".) this is first person.
4/7/2016 c5 Guest
we want more soo
4/9/2016 c3 GreenAlien123
There is nothing wrong with "Harry". If anything, it's "Potter" that is the problem, because it could be misunderstood as Harry the potter.

I really dislike name changes. It can work, if it is only done in dialogue. ""Hadrian woke up in a room diml..."" That's the wrong way to do it.

-
(taken from author Hotpoint at spacebattles forum)
"Joffrey I'm talking to you!" a woman's voice interrupted his reading, it taking a second for Octavian to realise who it belonged to.

"Sorry... Mother" Octavian replied eventually, trying not to sound too aggrieved at the intrusion as he reluctantly looked up from the page he was on. "Is there something wrong?" he queried.

Cersei gave him a look of reproach. "You know full well that you need to wash and dress for tonight's banquet" she reminded the boy. "Your father expects you to make a good impression on these Northern Oafs" she continued, "Although I'm sure simply spitting on the floor and taking too much strong drink would suffice" she said, sneering at the backward and unrefined House that controlled the largest, but nevertheless also the poorest, of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros.

"Is it that time already?" Octavian responded in surprise,
-
That is how it is done right. While others can know him as Hadrian no problem, outside dialogue he should always be Harry. Why? Because his name is an integral part of the character. The moment you throw out the name, you throw out the character and substitute it with an OC. You may as well make up an original wizard, it would work better because there is less of a dissonance.
To make a simplified example. -"Hi, I am Hadrian" Harry said.- That is how you properly change the name of an existing character if you import them into another world and require a name change for whatever reason.
4/8/2016 c5 3Sk8ernv
Another great chapter.
4/8/2016 c5 R. A Cross
Jaime and Cersei are committing twincest lol

Thanks for the chapter
4/7/2016 c5 MasterOfDragonsGod
Nice chapter
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