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2/12/2017 c1 1James Merlaut
I haven't finished the chapter as I write this down, but I understand english is only second for you, but there are simple grammatical mistakes you have made which are recurring meaning that you do them out of lack of knowing. The main one I saw was speech quotation. In case you are unfamiliar with the term, allow me to demonstrate using one of your lines.

Your Line
Excuse me little boy the boy turned his cold gaze toward her excuse me for intruding but where are your parents.

This line is perfect. The way it should be written is this.

"Excuse me little boy" I say to him and the boy turned his cold gaze toward me, "excuse me for intruding, but where are your parents?"

DO you see the difference? If you don't understand, I'm about to PM you anyway over your review of my story, so you can ask me there.
7/11/2016 c1 4metalican overlord slayer
This is cool.
1/17/2016 c1 2Stickmanking000
Nice Story so far M8,but can you use quotes?It's kinda confusing:p

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