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for Rey of Hope

2/1/2021 c1 2k+Hawki
-So, I’m mixed on the opening paragraph(s). You start with saying “Restless…recognized the feeling, but couldn’t put his finger on the cause” (paraphrased). Literally the very next sentence is an electric jolt piercing his subciousness. I get that the former may be a prelude to the latter, but in another sense, it almost feels like two different tidbits of information. That he’s restless, and then, “bam,” electric feeling.

I may be making too much of these lines, but it’s a contrast that did end up taking me out of the story for a bit.

-“No, not Ben! Kylo Ren his mind echoed…”

This reads awkwardly. There should be a comma after Ren, but even that aside, rhyming “Ben” and “Ren” together kind of undercuts any gravitas the moment might have. It’s less a statement of anguish, more a rhyme.

-You initially write “Force aura,” but later on, have it as “Force Aura.”

-“…to seek out the renown Jedi Master…”

Should be “renowned.”

-So, above points aside, looking at the whole, it’s…I dunno, there’s something ‘off’ about it. When I say that, I’m not talking about the supposition that Rey was Luke’s daughter (that was a fine supposition to make at the time), but there’s a kind of…offness in the fic. It’s hard to explain, but if I had to try, it feels like it’s lacking a sense of ‘place.’ Yes, I know what Luke is feeling, but there’s a lack of description for his immediate surroundings. So, yes, I recognize his feelings, I recognize its take on the ending scene of The Force Awakens, but it feels like something is lacking. Know that isn’t the most useful critique in the world, but can only be honest.
2/20/2020 c1 0101010101i921019
You deserve to be hit for the name alone. And you labeled it under "drama" with such a lame title. Pfft.
10/25/2019 c1 ClosedAccount2140
It is a cute story!
9/27/2019 c1 54Death Fury
8/4/2019 c1 1k+Val-Creative
Gosh I love it! THE REVEAL. SHE'S HIS DAUGHTER. Incredible.
3/7/2018 c1 187YenGirl
I still haven't seen the movie yet... but after reviewing a couple of wonderful Star Wars fics for the recent Valentine challenge, I feel I know the characters somewhat *grins and tries not to remember the more cracky versions of them*

You captured Luke's feelings well - I like how one needs total calm in order to see things, yet I sympathise with how impossible it was for him, seeing as Rey could be in danger.

He can't escape his destiny anymore than she can. From a simple farm boy to a hero, and now a legend. I'm sure Rey is just as strong.

As for critique... well the word 'feelers' made me think of a snail *sheepish smile* It's supposed to be invisible, isn't it? And the last section of the fic is in present tense, not sure if you meant that deliberately or not. Also 'his ears rung' should be 'his ears rang'.

But other than those minor issues, this was a well thought out and detailed story.
Well done! :)
4/16/2017 c1 37Tuvstarr's lost heart
Oh Luke, your lot was never going to be an easy one to carry.

Having to train your daughter to face her own cousin? Try as he might, the Skywalkers could never stay out of the centre of conflict for too long.

I loved this, it was captivatingly written and flawless in the execution.

The only thing I have to say, and this might simply be my English, which I am very aware of is sometimes a bit off but I just found the use of the word feelers a tiny bit... awkward?... Perhaps the word sensors, or simply senses? Anyhow, it was just the tiniest detail on an otherwise fascinating, fantastically well written fic.
2/5/2017 c1 7PopCulturist
Wow! This was wonderful. I'm trying to familiarize myself with Naruto, but I decided to go with what I know. I literally just rewatched this movie a month ago. This was beautifully written, so detailed and majestic. It would have been a great and needed part of the end of this movie. Your skill is amazing, you really have a gift and I hope you'll consider writing more of this genre. Once again great story.
9/5/2016 c1 9misspandalily
Oh my god yes.

I think she's his daughter as well - why wouldn't she be! Natural Jedi skills! Yeeees!

Love this fic, you've done a great job for your first Star Wars story. I especially like that you talked about Luke's inner conflict, and also their relationships with each other.

6/19/2016 c1 1BetterByDesignx
I love it!
4/14/2016 c1 26mississippimudpiecraves
As usual, very well written! I agree; she's most likely his daughter. haha. Very interesting and well thought-out take and introspection from Luke's point of view! Great job again!
3/29/2016 c1 71Ticklesivory
Hey! I headed over, but had to skim. Believe or not, I haven't seen the new SW movie yet! Wasn't sure your short story would spoil anything - but, I wanted to say, from what I read, I really like your style. Lots of introspection, which can be quite difficult to write. An author has to put themselves into the mind of the character. You do it well. Hopefully you'll write some more in the fandom. I'd like to read it!
3/23/2016 c1 41Jeneral2885
Good details on emotions and feelings.
2/23/2016 c1 7A Million Shades Of Blue
This is a great story! I do think that Luke would struggle with whether to train her or not because of everything that happened with Ben. You did a good job describing it and putting it into words. And I do agree that Rey is a Skywalker, there are so many hints in the movie that point towards that theory.
Although I did notice that at some point in the story you change from past tense to present tense... I don't know if the first part was supposed to be a flashback or anything, but just thought I'd point it out. Sorry if you meant it to be that way
2/18/2016 c1 1helenbenj
Yes, I agree. I really enjoyed this - thank you!
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