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5/29/2016 c1 6Mr. CyborgPineappleIsland II
For a random one shot this is pretty good! I don't see too many grammatical errors or anything, and you did a good job with keeping it IC and having Courtney sue xD.

And I'm glad there is a Courney/Duncan story that ends in breakup as it seems pretty IC to happen imo. Once again good job!
5/26/2016 c1 4Gideoncrawle
Duncan leaving his door open with the TV going loud enough to distract the neighbors sounds pretty passive-aggressive. The odds are that would eventually get him evicted, especially when one of the distracted neighbors is as litigious as Courtney. (The relevant legal terms here are Duncan’s “public nuisance” impairing Courtney’s “quiet enjoyment of the premises”.) If Duncan did lose his home, something tells me he wouldn’t actually be especially hungry; he would probably be living by petty theft when he wasn’t living at the expense of the state, i.e. in jail.

Duncan’s fake laugh sounds like “Santa Claus being strangled”? Great simile.

Chris and Don don’t really seem to me that they would be related, although I suppose it’s possible. Related or not, Chris would probably look down on Don, viewing him as a lame Chris McLean wannabe, especially after Chris’ experience with Topher.

If the airlines weren’t being paid for the Ridonculous Racers’ flights, how on Earth did they get through a full season without anybody noticing? In the real world, the suit against Don would be quickly thrown out of court, because he’s just an employee. Making arrangements for the show’s vendors/contractors/etc. to get paid is part of the Producer’s job, and the Accounting department’s. So yeah, the airlines sued the wrong guy. It was probably the easiest case Courtney ever won.

In the end, Courtney and Duncan part on the same love-hate vibe as largely characterized their canonical relationship. Both seemed generally in character. I thought Duncan’s insults/comebacks lacked intensity, which could be him pretending (as he also did on the show) to not care about anything, but it could also be something deeper. Considering his apparently dead-end life, I wouldn’t be surprised if he is grappling with deep depression.

A nice, dark vignette, all in all, but the coda about Courtney dropping out of sight came out of nowhere and left me more confused than anything else.

Reviewed for the Read and Swap
1/27/2016 c1 Guest
OMG I wish you'd keep going with this

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