for Fate Stay Night: Heirs4/26 c94 Guest
Youre milking the suspense way too much. We get it already. Rin thought she’d never see her again, they reunite, but somethings off. Get to it already
Youre milking the suspense way too much. We get it already. Rin thought she’d never see her again, they reunite, but somethings off. Get to it already
4/24 c69 Guest
This is supposed to be a story exploring rin and saber’s relationship right? The war does not comprise the entirety of that as we know its impossible for a wish to be granted, so you’re focusing too much on the war, rather than their relationship, like their life as rin moves on to the clocktower. You need to get a move on, the story is getting WAY too bogged down in things that arent the point. After all, in this story, the war ONLY serves as the point of their introduction and the trials of them initially getting to know each other, not the entirety of their relationship, making it SECONDARY to the story of their relationship
This is supposed to be a story exploring rin and saber’s relationship right? The war does not comprise the entirety of that as we know its impossible for a wish to be granted, so you’re focusing too much on the war, rather than their relationship, like their life as rin moves on to the clocktower. You need to get a move on, the story is getting WAY too bogged down in things that arent the point. After all, in this story, the war ONLY serves as the point of their introduction and the trials of them initially getting to know each other, not the entirety of their relationship, making it SECONDARY to the story of their relationship
4/24 c40 
2K.I. Hernandez
Ngl, I kinda want to see a Spin off where Rin does end up in Arturia's time period...
2K.I. HernandezNgl, I kinda want to see a Spin off where Rin does end up in Arturia's time period...
4/20 c1 K.I. Hernandez
As someone who just finished season 1 of Unlimited Blade Works, I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for making this fic. Also, f**k Shirou Emiya in his f**king asshole, especially after what he did to Saber at the end of season 1! Sorry...didn't mean to rant, the ending just had me heated but I jist wanted to say that I really like where you're going with the story so far! The premise alone made this an insta-click any story where Saber doesn't end up becoming Shirou's servant is an insta-click in my book. Kudos!
As someone who just finished season 1 of Unlimited Blade Works, I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for making this fic. Also, f**k Shirou Emiya in his f**king asshole, especially after what he did to Saber at the end of season 1! Sorry...didn't mean to rant, the ending just had me heated but I jist wanted to say that I really like where you're going with the story so far! The premise alone made this an insta-click any story where Saber doesn't end up becoming Shirou's servant is an insta-click in my book. Kudos!
4/16 c56 Guest
You got mana burst beyond wrong if saber is only using it now. Its literally in its description meant to be abused. There isnt a point where she hasnt been using it, youve just managed to write it in shittily, acting like its a trump card when its literally what makes everyone call the saber class superior. Without mana burst theyd be just a plain ol swordsman at a disadvantage for one reason or another against all the other classes
You got mana burst beyond wrong if saber is only using it now. Its literally in its description meant to be abused. There isnt a point where she hasnt been using it, youve just managed to write it in shittily, acting like its a trump card when its literally what makes everyone call the saber class superior. Without mana burst theyd be just a plain ol swordsman at a disadvantage for one reason or another against all the other classes
3/29 c34 Guest
You might be taking cheap shots at shirou a little too much. The latest example of “moderately handsome features” feels forced, like how you’re aware of shirou being the eternal harem protagonist and by fate standards, is the flag bearer of “handsome bastards” that women LITERALLY fist fight over. If you're trying to show rin losing interest in him, you’re doing it wrong. She wouldn’t be downplaying him in her head, he would just be less and less acknowledged until he falls into the “thin air” category where every other male in rin’s life ends up, and stops being mentioned at all in terms of appearance quality. Its almost sounding forced, like rin is under a compulsion spell of “must want shirou” that she must fight, which clearly isn't true, and you cant blame it on cannon because that was sent up in a dumpster fire the moment she summoned saber.
You might be taking cheap shots at shirou a little too much. The latest example of “moderately handsome features” feels forced, like how you’re aware of shirou being the eternal harem protagonist and by fate standards, is the flag bearer of “handsome bastards” that women LITERALLY fist fight over. If you're trying to show rin losing interest in him, you’re doing it wrong. She wouldn’t be downplaying him in her head, he would just be less and less acknowledged until he falls into the “thin air” category where every other male in rin’s life ends up, and stops being mentioned at all in terms of appearance quality. Its almost sounding forced, like rin is under a compulsion spell of “must want shirou” that she must fight, which clearly isn't true, and you cant blame it on cannon because that was sent up in a dumpster fire the moment she summoned saber.
3/25 c26 Guest
Magic circuits, not “mana lines”. And youve been casually referring to magecraft as magic the entire story. Fix it.
Magic circuits, not “mana lines”. And youve been casually referring to magecraft as magic the entire story. Fix it.
3/22 c11 Guest
Youve sure managed to make shirou an annoying little shit. Hes not the type to keep quipping at every little thing (pre-archer) and hes certainly not rude enough to keep enjoying the sound of his own voice after repeatedly being politely told to stfu when someones working
Youve sure managed to make shirou an annoying little shit. Hes not the type to keep quipping at every little thing (pre-archer) and hes certainly not rude enough to keep enjoying the sound of his own voice after repeatedly being politely told to stfu when someones working
1/23 c12 nigger
i beat it so hard to this fan fiction especially when a nigger was hung
i beat it so hard to this fan fiction especially when a nigger was hung
11/6/2024 c128 5Grizzly Writings
This was a pretty fun story.
I'd say around the end of the Holy Grail War, it started to drag on a bit. It still kept me interested, just not as much as before. The shift from fight to the death to more slice of life just felt off. If I had to guess, based on some of the comments, the original ending was probably somewhere around when Rin saw the "Crimson Maiden" line in that book. Not a bad place if that's the kind of ending you were going for.
On the other hand, I'm a sucker for "happily ever after" stories as well. Rin seeing Arturia in Lily was great. Oh, and adding Faye in like that, well...not bad. I was getting the feeling she would be joining them for some fun, and ended up being a little surprised it actually happened. You picked a good time for her reincarnation reveal, too.
And yeah, I can tell you had a bunch more planned, given how the epilogue went. But you were also nearly at 600k words, and I know how that feels. There's enough details to extrapolate what happened at the Clocktower, at least enough to grasp the general situation, so that's all good.
In conclusion: great story.
5Grizzly WritingsThis was a pretty fun story.
I'd say around the end of the Holy Grail War, it started to drag on a bit. It still kept me interested, just not as much as before. The shift from fight to the death to more slice of life just felt off. If I had to guess, based on some of the comments, the original ending was probably somewhere around when Rin saw the "Crimson Maiden" line in that book. Not a bad place if that's the kind of ending you were going for.
On the other hand, I'm a sucker for "happily ever after" stories as well. Rin seeing Arturia in Lily was great. Oh, and adding Faye in like that, well...not bad. I was getting the feeling she would be joining them for some fun, and ended up being a little surprised it actually happened. You picked a good time for her reincarnation reveal, too.
And yeah, I can tell you had a bunch more planned, given how the epilogue went. But you were also nearly at 600k words, and I know how that feels. There's enough details to extrapolate what happened at the Clocktower, at least enough to grasp the general situation, so that's all good.
In conclusion: great story.
9/23/2024 c5 Guest
This story's going to be filled with moments like this, huh? Stuff following canon despite their being no logical reason to follow canon.
Rin and Saber shouldn't have such an antagonistic relationship right now - it's very out of character for Saber. Rin shouldn't have so much patience dealing with Saber's - quite frankly - unwarranted hostility, she immediately resorted to using a command seal to keep Archer in line after all. Saving Shirou is perfectly in line with Rin's character, sparing Archer on the other hand? Not so much. She should and would have immediately killed him to reduce her opposition and get Shirou out of the war.
I'm also not terribly convinced that Illya would have been able to cross paths with them, considering just how different the situation is from the actual routes.
This story's going to be filled with moments like this, huh? Stuff following canon despite their being no logical reason to follow canon.
Rin and Saber shouldn't have such an antagonistic relationship right now - it's very out of character for Saber. Rin shouldn't have so much patience dealing with Saber's - quite frankly - unwarranted hostility, she immediately resorted to using a command seal to keep Archer in line after all. Saving Shirou is perfectly in line with Rin's character, sparing Archer on the other hand? Not so much. She should and would have immediately killed him to reduce her opposition and get Shirou out of the war.
I'm also not terribly convinced that Illya would have been able to cross paths with them, considering just how different the situation is from the actual routes.
9/23/2024 c3 Guest
This seems extremely out of character for Saber, given the way she spoke regarding HERSELF towards Shirou.
Is the goal to make her act similarly to Archer here? Or is literally just to make her adversarial so that you can play off the enemies to lovers trope? Either way, it really makes one question whether or not this is actually Artoria because she's not acting like Artoria. She's acting like a completely different person.
This seems extremely out of character for Saber, given the way she spoke regarding HERSELF towards Shirou.
Is the goal to make her act similarly to Archer here? Or is literally just to make her adversarial so that you can play off the enemies to lovers trope? Either way, it really makes one question whether or not this is actually Artoria because she's not acting like Artoria. She's acting like a completely different person.
6/11/2024 c128 Guest
O poveste frumoasă bine scrisă
O poveste frumoasă bine scrisă