Just In
for Dark Victory

4/3/2020 c1 13BigSmokeYeet
Should have changed Cody with Duncan as this doesn't feel realistic at all...
2/7/2016 c1 10JojiMC
First of all, sorry it took me so long to get to this. I haven't wanted to review anything for a long time, and I'm still not really in the mood. xD I'm doing this for you, though, so yeah. c:

A few things. I know you said this is the first story you edited before publishing. Honestly, I don't see a difference between this and your other stories. xD Maybe there were a lot more errors before you edited this? Unfortunately, one can edit so much if one doesn't understand all the grammar rules and techniques. There are a ton, though, so I definitely don't blame you. Also, I've noticed a pattern of you adding too much exposition or description that detracts from the action, which made the beginning suffer, so I would watch out for that and focus more on getting the point of scenes across. Lastly, Scarlett's voice is a bit off here, mainly due to her lack of complex vocabulary. xD I get that you want to portray the sassier side of her, but that's meant to be more subtle, which is why I also think her angry moments were a bit off. There were a few of them that fit, though, so that was great when they did.

On the upside, I really liked Scarlett's and Courtney's dynamic. Would even inspire me to write a friendship fic featuring them if I wasn't off fanfiction writing. xD And the ending was pretty darn powerful. I wonder if Cody was blackmailed to do all those crimes Scarlett mentioned. I'm guessing that'll be revealed in the next chapter. All the same, you ended this in a way that makes it seem like it should be a one-shot. xD Unless you make the next chapter in Cody's POV explaining the blackmail and subsequent events, I'm not sure how else this story could continue without cancelling out the ending here. But it's all up to you, of course.

Overall, this story has its moments, both good and bad. I'm hoping you improve on this chapter if you choose to continue this after my comments.
2/1/2016 c1 Boo
This Story Sucks Ok Bye

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