for The Rapper2/11/2016 c1 What the hell
Seriously,... your sentence structuring needs work,... desperately so. That being said, there's nothing in this story that makes any sense, or has any correlation to the Harry Potter world short of using two character names,... not even the characters, just the names.
On top of this, you're trying to use the HP universe, but you call it dollars and not pounds (small nit pick). You use an "interactive feature" which literally is disgusting in stories. Remove it, as 9/10 people will never do it.
There's so much wrong with just this chapter,... but it's your story, destroy it how you want.
Seriously,... your sentence structuring needs work,... desperately so. That being said, there's nothing in this story that makes any sense, or has any correlation to the Harry Potter world short of using two character names,... not even the characters, just the names.
On top of this, you're trying to use the HP universe, but you call it dollars and not pounds (small nit pick). You use an "interactive feature" which literally is disgusting in stories. Remove it, as 9/10 people will never do it.
There's so much wrong with just this chapter,... but it's your story, destroy it how you want.