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for A Twist Of Fate

8/12/2016 c5 revinzy
*the pendant?
8/12/2016 c2 revinzy
Hello. I like your idea of this story. But I think you should check or do some research first before upload, there are so many words that you write them wrong. Marvolo, you write Marvalo. Horcrux, not Horcrox. Abraxas, not Abarax. Grindelwald, not Grinwald. Marvy, but sometime you write it Mary. And Granger, not Ganger. Some characters are OOC as well, like how can Draco be civil to Harry and Hermione vice versa? At least give an explanation about that. Tom Riddle/Voldemort didn't take order from another person, like when Havok said "You sir, get to explain what you did." then Tom just nodded. I think that's too OOC for Tom. And Havok? at first I'm confused who's that, how can Marvolo know him but Esmeralda isn't? and then he's Uncle Vicar? I thought he died years ago and that make Alex the only descendant of Slytherin and Gryffindor? And what's the year that Esmeralda go? How can Marvolo come to Hogwarts when he didn't have the ring or the pendantm Actually there's a lot I'm confused when I read this. Like you should give more description for what others doing, not just straight tell. And I think you should refer Esmeralda as Esmeralda in your description, not Essie, and Marvolo as Marvolo, not Marvy. Because that's just more confusing. Thats their nickname when they address each other, not to put it in the description. And you should learn the different between then and than.
I'm sorry if somehow I offended you but I think I should tell you this so you can improve your writing.

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