
2/24/2016 c1
19Smiling Seshat
You said in your A/N that this is in first person, but you often slip up and write in third person instead. Be careful because the first paragraph begins with third person, then goes to first person.
And avoid putting A/Ns in the middle of the story - it ruins the flow and the reader's immersion in your tale. Put A/Ns at the end or the start of the chapter, but never in the middle.
Otherwise, the story was interesting and a nice take on Pettigrew.

You said in your A/N that this is in first person, but you often slip up and write in third person instead. Be careful because the first paragraph begins with third person, then goes to first person.
And avoid putting A/Ns in the middle of the story - it ruins the flow and the reader's immersion in your tale. Put A/Ns at the end or the start of the chapter, but never in the middle.
Otherwise, the story was interesting and a nice take on Pettigrew.