for Blood Stained Steel4/4 c1 avilasamantha
The writing style is both vivid and compelling, effortlessly drawing the audience into the world the author has created. The pacing is well-managed, allowing moments of intensity to shine while giving space for reflection and character growth. Themes are thoughtfully explored, making the story not just entertaining but also meaningful..,
The writing style is both vivid and compelling, effortlessly drawing the audience into the world the author has created. The pacing is well-managed, allowing moments of intensity to shine while giving space for reflection and character growth. Themes are thoughtfully explored, making the story not just entertaining but also meaningful..,
12/17/2017 c1 
36The Desert Dancer
Good work here mate, would really love to see what happens next :)
Love,
The Desert Dancer
36The Desert DancerGood work here mate, would really love to see what happens next :)
Love,
The Desert Dancer
10/13/2016 c2 11Alexeij
Curious to see where this is going, and why the Lone Wanderer picked Japanese-derivative titles for their rebellion movement. Sounds like he/she assembled what remained of the Pride and the Friendly Outcasts, but how many can there be?
I've got a feeling both the Wanderer and McGraw aren't speaking of Maxson, but of some 'puppeteer' behind him. Either Casdin, but he doesn't seem the type, or Rothchild, though I'd be curious to see his motivations.
Chapter is written quite well. You call Morgan Morrigan at the beginning and Rivet City lacks the capital letter once. My advice however, especially if you plan to keep the updates sporadic, is to post longer chapters and delve a bit more in the characters, though you admittedly already have quite a big task. More show, less tell. Don't tell us Kodlak and Harkness have become fast friends, or that his experience in the Pitt was traumatic: show us through dialogue, interactions or even flashbacks.
Sincerely,
- Alexeij
11AlexeijCurious to see where this is going, and why the Lone Wanderer picked Japanese-derivative titles for their rebellion movement. Sounds like he/she assembled what remained of the Pride and the Friendly Outcasts, but how many can there be?
I've got a feeling both the Wanderer and McGraw aren't speaking of Maxson, but of some 'puppeteer' behind him. Either Casdin, but he doesn't seem the type, or Rothchild, though I'd be curious to see his motivations.
Chapter is written quite well. You call Morgan Morrigan at the beginning and Rivet City lacks the capital letter once. My advice however, especially if you plan to keep the updates sporadic, is to post longer chapters and delve a bit more in the characters, though you admittedly already have quite a big task. More show, less tell. Don't tell us Kodlak and Harkness have become fast friends, or that his experience in the Pitt was traumatic: show us through dialogue, interactions or even flashbacks.
Sincerely,
- Alexeij
10/11/2016 c2 5Crimson Weresloth
I love the Three-Dog and Megaton scenes. The Brotherhood are a little bore though.
5Crimson WereslothI love the Three-Dog and Megaton scenes. The Brotherhood are a little bore though.
6/26/2016 c1 11Alexeij
Good start and good idea overall.
There a few small issues with grammar and punctuation. Three-Dog's dialogue lacks the "" save for the starting one. Also, when you add verbs like 'say', 'answer' immediately after a character's dialogue, you should end that dialogue with a comma rather than a full stop.
Casdin's piece feels a bit stiff and rushed. I understand that it is meant to be a summary, but a bit more punctuation and detail could help the pacing lots.
Sarah's death and Maxson's ascent to power are fishy at best in F4. I'm curious to see how 101 and the Lyons' Pride (I think) will deal with the issue, and why they waited so long.
11AlexeijGood start and good idea overall.
There a few small issues with grammar and punctuation. Three-Dog's dialogue lacks the "" save for the starting one. Also, when you add verbs like 'say', 'answer' immediately after a character's dialogue, you should end that dialogue with a comma rather than a full stop.
Casdin's piece feels a bit stiff and rushed. I understand that it is meant to be a summary, but a bit more punctuation and detail could help the pacing lots.
Sarah's death and Maxson's ascent to power are fishy at best in F4. I'm curious to see how 101 and the Lyons' Pride (I think) will deal with the issue, and why they waited so long.
4/8/2016 c1 Doc
Very good so far, I love to see more
Very good so far, I love to see more
4/8/2016 c2 43BenRG
Depending on how Fallout 4 plays out in this universe, I'll be very interested to find out the Outcasts' reaction to Maxon's eventual fate.
43BenRGDepending on how Fallout 4 plays out in this universe, I'll be very interested to find out the Outcasts' reaction to Maxon's eventual fate.
2/27/2016 c1 1Arlena Hawke
Good start. Lots of suspense around this new group. One thing, grammar-wise, when you written "too" in places, it should be "to". For example, " prove themselves too much of a threat" should have a "to". Please carry on writing though.
1Arlena HawkeGood start. Lots of suspense around this new group. One thing, grammar-wise, when you written "too" in places, it should be "to". For example, " prove themselves too much of a threat" should have a "to". Please carry on writing though.