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4/29/2016 c7 2Nentone
To be frank, Rose is an OC who seems more of a package of writer wish fulfillment, gift-wrapped in character what-ifs and a bundled bow-knot away from the Sue territory. Her backstory is tragic but doesn't garner a sympathetic connection. Being trained by the Unbeatable Master is hardly impressive but only bolsters the starting point above. Being an older biological sibling of Eli Shane shatters suspension of belief and begins a somewhat cliché premise. Perhaps it would be more believeable and thus acceptable if she were some distant cousin of Eli or a child, adopted by a guilt-ridden Will Shane, who is seeking what broken pieces to call her family— to call a home. You, the writer, can do better and do this story the greatest good.

Meanwhile the story itself shows a what-if premise that may have been done before, but shows the writer's mind still persisting and willimg to take it. However the lack of thought is obvious throughout the chapters, such as descriptions, which are one-dimensional and do not show more of the characters— their personalities, a hint of background or even revealing their thoughts. The narrative and dialogue could use some elbow grease too as it looks 'jumpy' most times, with little to no balance in place.

However 'Mysterious Connection' shows that fresh take of what-ifs by skipping into the future with a connection which very few writers can barely handle, let alone outright pulling off, even this reviewer admits too ;)

~Nentone, the Keyboard Assassin.
4/9/2016 c1 1ShadowSpirit020
A Slugterra fan! Awesome! I am writing my own too! Oh and nice start!
3/23/2016 c1 Awsomebro75
KEEP GOING KEEP GOING KEEP GOING! I like where this is going. :)

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