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9/30/2018 c11 Misaka Phenex
time skip power
9/30/2018 c10 Misaka Phenex
i just wanna know if one minute in irl and hour there will the aging slow down like 25year has pass and irl like few months or something will she age or not
9/30/2018 c7 Misaka Phenex
shisui(sorry spell) wont have a child
9/30/2018 c6 Misaka Phenex
fuck cliffhanger
9/30/2018 c5 Misaka Phenex
hahaha hopes she get obito kamui
9/30/2018 c4 Misaka Phenex
bushy brow op
9/30/2018 c3 Misaka Phenex
lol how cute
9/30/2018 c2 Misaka Phenex
hehehehe final boss
9/30/2018 c1 Misaka Phenex
i wanna ask do all people has chakara thing get gamer or only naru and pls dont abandon
9/24/2018 c14 18NorCal.NEH
Does narukos dad know she is into girls and i have a question is she into guys and girls or just girls. If so does it have to do with her trauma of her almost being raped or does he simply dig girls. I love your story and right now i am doing a Naurto Gamer binge and i have to say yours is the most unique and well written.
9/17/2018 c14 xiu
i loooooooooooooooooove ir i hope to read the next chapter soon, please?
9/12/2018 c14 Guest
*... but it makes her easier to distinct from the others.*

"distinguish" not "distinct".

* You're allowed to engage combat if needed but if possible stick to the shadows and make them shit their pants! *

"to engage in combat"
Comma after "needed".

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

- Naming conventions
Why would you use the NATO style for a society that has no ties whatsoever to Western Society?

You did right with "Indra" and "Jura", but the rest?

Bit of a shame.
"Alpha" could've been "Asura" or "Aoi", if you want to the colour route.

"Beta" could've been "Benihime", or "Byakko" (not 100 on that spelling, but it's the White Tiger, who symbolizes one of the Cardinal points along Seiryu and Suzaku)

"Kilo" could've been "Kaguya".

"Hotel" could've been "Hamura", or you could've used the Sage's first name.

You get the idea. Shouldn't have been too big of a hassle to adapt the designations.

- Mood change
While an author is free to write what they want, I do have to caution about pulling the mood swing that you're intending for the next chapter.

It makes your writing seem like rambling and thus incoherent, if you first set up your story like "X", than to pull a "Y".

Even professional writers aren't always to pull that off, although those in the Mystery genre tend to be the most successful.

Doesn't mean I think the stealth/horror bit will be badly written. Just that it'll fit your existing story about as well as a black sheep in a herd of white.

That's gonna stick out and that's rarely a good thing.

I can understand the need to experiment. But it's more prudent to run such experiments in different stories, so as to keep your works from turning into such a contradicting mess, that it'll be simpler to abandon it, rather than to fix it.

Just something to keep in mind. You've got something interesting going here, it would be a waste if you ruined it by overreaching.
9/12/2018 c14 TheBeauty
This chapter is simply awful. The sentences in the middle don't even make sense in the context... Why do people force those lyrics in the story?
Cursing in every second sentence might be funny only for someone retarded.
I had great hopes for this story :(
9/11/2018 c6 Guest
I laughed so much I cried. Been awhile since that happened. Poor Shisui. Think he learned his lesson?
9/11/2018 c14 46Hikari Nova
sounds like the next chapter is going to be very fun to read
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