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1/28/2021 c3 3Lilting Lithium
I looove this. all the extra dialogue is wonderful. I've been writing a story similar to this that I started way back in 2019, and I just think it's a little funny I'm only just now finding this. I personally think yours is much better though, mine doesn't have all the extra stuff yours does lol. please continue this soon! I'm looking forward to an update! (I say even though I'm only on chapter three kdjhkjdh)
1/1/2021 c21 37Northern Goshawk
Yo, so uh...

Hi.

s'been a while last time you updated. Take all the time you need in order to recuperate, but I'm also writing this review to make sure you aren't... dead or anything XD

Anyways, Happy New Year! Hope to hear from you soon
11/17/2020 c21 167Griselda Banks
For a chapter mostly consisting of conversations about what they're going to do next, I think you managed to keep this one pretty interesting with character interactions. I feel like if I was Jesse, I would have been tempted to make Axel and Olivia stay behind and take Lukas with me to fetch whoever, just because both of them are more irritating about this decision than he is XD It was satisfying to see the threads of the cookie and the lever Jesse made way back come to fruition, by the way.

Couple issues I saw:
"Where Olivia led them to blew him away." - This...sounds clunky. I think if you took "to" out, it would solve the problem.

"allowing the morning sun shine through" - TO shine through

(Hey, look! You just took the word out of one sentence and put it in the other! XD)

Enjoy your hiatus! Hope it's a productive time and you can attack this story with renewed vigor when you come back~
11/14/2020 c21 macook
Well figured. I'd say that, as far as I can tell, every choice you are making for the characters is believable and fair to make. Have a pleasant posting recess. I wish you well!
11/15/2020 c20 Griselda Banks
Okay, I snort-grumbled at the "temple that defies description" part :P Thanks for the shoutout, I guess...?

I liked the introspection of Lukas and Axel, especially, in this chapter. It helps to see what their mindsets are at this point, to gauge the ongoing tension between them even while the tension is...temporarily on hold on the surface? And I'm actually kinda glad I forgot about this chapter until you posted the next one, because now I don't have to wait to see what happens next!

The latest installment of me being as nitpicky as Lukas:
"For the past couple of hours he'd lay awake" - lain

"Laying on the cold wooden floor for hours" - Lying

"Not while the whole world ending." - WAS ending

I'm not sure if I can explain this properly, but in the description of the amulet, you have each Order member's name in the possessive form, but they shouldn't be, because they're not referring to anything. For example, "one the truest diamond blue as Gabriel's" - Gabriel's...what? Earlier, you said that "each [gemstone] represented a member of the Order," not "each one represented a member of the Order's [something]". Hope that makes sense.
11/1/2020 c20 macook
Mostly unsure and unclear in the goings-on of this world and it's inhabitants, there is a wide learning curve with all these chapters. But for the most part, I found this chapter quite easy and entertaining no take in. Getting more familiar with the characters is my favorite part. Thanks for your hard work and dedication.
10/22/2020 c19 Griselda Banks
Well, I hope you'll be pleased to know that this scene is one of the very few that I actually remember with any sort of clarity from the actual game XD Maybe because you made a big deal about it back then too? I think you did a good job of showing/explaining why Jesse welcomes Lukas into the group despite their history. It really does demonstrate why Jesse is the leader; not only do the others listen to him even when they don't want to, but he also understands what everyone can bring to the table, and he puts the needs of the group before his own.

It'll be interesting to see how you develop all the relationships moving forward!

Favorite line: "They had no choice...but at least they had cookies."

Typos:
"their building rival of an entire a decade" - an entire decade

"sat together besides it" - beside

"Axel pulled something out of his pocket and climatically announced" - climactically
10/16/2020 c19 macook
Bitter sweet, this was. Love your introspection.
10/17/2020 c19 1Parakeetlover3
I love the part where Jesse was mentally talking to the cookie XD/ I agree, the 'Cookies Scene' is very underrated.
10/16/2020 c19 37Northern Goshawk
Aye, and the author strikes again!

I... never really thought that this scene, of all the scenes in MCSM, would be your favorite, which goes into what you were saying about it being one of the more... underappreciated scenes? Idk, I was never really struck by that scene in particular. Then again, I'm not the analytical type \_(ツ)_/

I feel really bad for Lukas for having to put up with Axel. Then again, Axel has a justifiable reason to be mad at Lukas, which doesn't excuse the fact Axel blew up at Lukas.

Y'know, most conflicts seem to come from miscommunication and assumptions made by one party in regards to the other. As infuriating as it is to watch Jesse's Gang (plus Lukas ;P) come to odds with one another, it's never as simple as talking it out, considering some of the stuff they think about, they might not even be aware that they're thinking about it XD

Ahh, conflict.

Anyways, great job on this story! Looking forward to more
10/3/2020 c18 macook
If only Lucas would have owned-up to his cowardice right off the bat and left his comment to himself, things would have gone much smoother for him. I would have been more forgiving anyway. Of course that could have been- only for reasons we readers do not yet know, he is charged with the role of "least valuable player". Poor chicken!
10/4/2020 c18 167Griselda Banks
Lol, I chuckled at the verse for this chapter XD Another exciting one! This is one of the few parts of the game I actually remember somewhat, but I'm still using my imagination for most of the story, since I don't remember exactly how it all played out or what things looked like - and apparently you're changing quite a bit anyway! Zombie pigmen are just such a weird, unique kind of image to have in your head; it's easy to understand how freaky and intimidating they'd be. Also - and I think this is probably a testament to the way you're approaching the writing of the story - I feel like things in general are much more intimidating and impactful in your novelization than they were in the game. Or maybe I just respond better to the written word... *strokes nonexistent beard thoughtfully*

Some typos I found:

"The portal moaned as it's purple surface rippled" - its

"It's solves nothing." - It

"It's appearance was...underwhelming." - Its

"Is the ghast still there?" - Who's saying this? From the way it's written, it looks to me like Jesse is saying it, but then answering his own question further down. If that's not the case, you should probably indicate who's saying what. Or if Jesse's not paying attention to who's saying it, you could still say that, just to make it clear that WE aren't supposed to know who it is either...

"Reuben managed struggled free" - managed TO struggle
10/3/2020 c18 1Parakeetlover3
As always, awesome chapter! Like what you said in the Author's Notes, it always kind of bothered me that there weren't any choices to show that Jesse is mad at Lukas without Jesse seeming like a jerk. I was also pretty sad when Mojang replaced Zombie Pigmen. I know we have Zombified Piglins now, but its just not the same :(
10/3/2020 c18 37Northern Goshawk
Such a shame that the zombie pigmen are gonna be removed...

Looking at this scene through Jesse's eyes, I can feel the same anger that Jesse must've felt when he saw that Lukas hadn't been able to save Petra. You wrote that very well, cuz I can *feel* it myself, although can we really blame Lukas? Any sane person would run away, so heh.

I really like how you incorporated the pigmen in this scene, tho. It really emphasizes the dangers of the Nether rather than just, "Oh, there's a ghast. Oh, it's shooting fireballs, that's not good." Instead it's more like, "WAUGH, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" XD

Anyways, great job on this as always, looking forward to more!
9/26/2020 c17 27SmashQueen
Thought for sure Petra would be the one being saved here, but Lukas freezing up like that while Jesse goes to save Gabriel makes sense. Also makes things flow better imo.
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