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2/23/2017 c1 130signelchan
I might have read this fic a time or two immediately after it was posted to some extent, but as I sit here with it opened up on my screen, I can’t for my life actually remember reading through it entirely in one sitting. Which is odd, it’s a short piece and normally I can commit myself to reading something all at once, but here I am nearly a year post-publishing gearing up to read and review this thing. So, uh, here we go!

Olivia as a character is always a treat to read, and your version of her only reinforces that mindset I have. She’s perfectly in character, although not by displaying the traits of “shy and uncertain dancer chick”. Rather, your Olivia is focused on presentation and cleanliness and is going through the motions of prepping for a day of people hanging together, and as she’s not exactly graceful when it comes to a social standpoint, she wants to impress the houseguests with a perfectly cleaned home. One’s surroundings do make a rather strong impression on an outing, so good on her. Gaius in this is also pretty damn in character, his demeanor a perfect way to implement some of his less-than-savory character traits into a version of him found in the modern day (without him being in jail, naturally). Their interplay is cute to read, and I love how assuring he is even though she’s worrying her head off.

And then the other characters enter the scene and it goes from cute banter to awkward introductions between people who hadn’t seen each other in a while (the way you wrote Cordelia’s reaction to Gaius being a “bit scruffy” is perfect, by the way), straight to women putting themselves down in comparison to others and then being uplifted because that’s what women do. They support one another. Olivia’s way of pushing past that to get back to checking on the kids is something she would definitely do, and then we get the kids thrust into the spotlight. We get the pretty standard “kids have their dads’ hair color” thing that’s typical for these kinds of fics, which isn’t even a problem because hello, have you /seen/ what a blonde Severa looks like? I am a-okay with having that pointed out to me. Same with orange-haired Inigo, there is no problem with that mental image.

There is a problem (but not a problem with your writing) that comes almost immediately in the story, and that’s that Severa’s a bitch who can’t play well with others and Inigo’s her unlucky victim of the day. Why’s she bullying the kid for not getting a block when there’s so many other ones they both could have? At least Olivia’s a competent mother who makes her son see this not so much as bullying as it is a learning experience on letting rude girls get their way, but I mean, what was Cordelia going to do? I don’t think there’s enough words of gentle persuasion in the world that could’ve gotten Severa to let go of that block.

Of course, heartwarming moments ends when Severa continues being a bitch and bullies Inigo again, this time knocking his block tower over because she can’t stand being second-best at something. That satisfaction lasts for all of a second before Inigo gets his revenge, and this leads to both kids being reprimanded, although let’s be real it’s only going to leave a lasting impression on one of them. This, of course, bothers Cordelia because she is raising a literal demon and she thinks it’s her fault, but she’s not a bad parent by any means. She’s just got a bad kid, and Olivia tells her this, before telling the kids that it’s snack time.

Cookies are sugar and sugar is the last thing either of these children need, but that’s what they snack on and just like that they’re back to playing (or coloring, anyway), and now it’s time for the mothers to reminisce about the old days. Let me just say that I don’t remember ever having read THIS part of this story before—up through the cookie snack is remembered but then Olivia talked about dancing at school and I did a literal double-take because I did not recall this happening at all. So yeah, they discuss some old events that happened, and I laughed reading through the scene, up through where the men enter the room to seamlessly input into the discussion and the kids break from their drawing session to show off their pieces.

Just like that, it’s the end of the story and the guests go home after an eventful little bit of a playdate. Even with the fighting and whatnot the kids had, it all seems to have gone over well enough that the kids want to play again together sometime soon, and that’s perfectly acceptable in Olivia’s book. Now, her time with the guests clearly wasn’t as great as Gaius’, because he got to play video games with Libra. How many people could say they’d ever gotten to do that? Not many, I’d assume.

All in all, this was a pleasant fic to come back to and actually read from beginning to end, and I’m impressed by your characterization and setting as always. c:

Signel
4/30/2016 c1 5DearestDissapointment
Oh my god, that picture...
4/28/2016 c1 wodyendsjasihvnshucnjs
Aw this was cute and a modern AU, yes! I love those! I should probably question why I imagined Libra in a ponytail (tho this is an modern AU, yes?) anyways it was cute, the characters were in character. and these are children we are talking about, so I can see Indigo and Several being the way they are on here. nice work!
4/27/2016 c1 37kamikaze2007
When the fics for the exchange started getting posted and the list of people whose fics were read started showing up on the front page, I can't explain why, but I had the vaguest feeling you were writing mine, what with your computer troubles meaning you weren't ready to post right away (which is perfectly reasonable, of course), and I'm glad my gut feeling was right, because this actually gave me an excuse to read your writing for the first time (that I can remember)! And man, do you undersell yourself.

I guess I should start with the characters, as they're kind of important. You've pretty much nailed everyone down, but as far as the adults go, I wanna especially praise your Olivia, who was perfect in every way, from her shy and modest nature to her talk of vanishing in peculiar ways. As for the kids, they are obviously way too young to be the same as they are when grown, so you've translated their behaviors as adults to their little kid equivalents really well to make up for it, and it comes out great. Kudos to Cordelia and Olivia for taking advantage of their short attention spans, because that could have gotten ugly.

As for everything else, you took my crappy excuse of a prompt suggestion and turned it into a really cute fic that's short, sweet, and does exactly what it needs to in the time it's given (that being, make me feel all fuzzy because I'm a sucker for younger versions of the future kids). Great job, and thank you so much for the fic! :D

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