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for An Age of Darkness and Demons

6/13/2017 c2 281Mia-Zeklos
Okay, I'm back. Sorry for the delay - had a trip abroad and a bit of trouble with the Internet.

I'm not sure if I said this in my last review, but I love your worldbuilding. I don't know if everything here is typical for any of the fandoms included, but that's just the thing: even if they are, I can't tell because you've described them so well. Even without having any intel on how the story is supposed to work, I can already see it working, if that makes sense.

Another thing: the characters. The way they think - and, more importantly, their train of thought - flows in a way that you can almost touch and is easy to follow even when it gives a lot of information all at once. You describe magic (and psychic powers) so well that it becomes an almost mundane quality, which is probably how it should be. After all, if a character is used to these powers, they wouldn't be anything out of the ordinary to them.

All in all, you're doing a great job! 3
6/7/2017 c1 Mia-Zeklos
Hello from Reddit!
I'm sorry for the delay and hopefully you don't mind if I tackle this chapter by chapter? Because there's a lot going on. ;D

Your style is amazing! You've somehow managed the perfect balance on the blunt-flowery scale and the language is beautiful without being overly complicated and hard to follow. Even though I'm not really familiar with the characters, you're writing them so well that I'm intrigued with the plot already.

Moving on to chapter two with one last note: your descriptions are amazing. 3
9/20/2016 c7 Guest
Well well well...this is something, isn't it? Not going to lie, I had to look up one or two characters to make sure I understood what was going on but I definitely knew the main characters - so I got that going for me! Anyways, I'll let you know that I'm surprised more people don't follow this story. It is very well written. Your grammar, spelling, and editing far exceeds most of what can be found on (sometimes I think people don't review at all!). Not only are you capable of doing the basics well, but your sentence structure and flow is flawless. It was easy to read which made it easy to understand - even if I wasn't 100% sure of my character placement (personal problem). A critique I would give you is that you have a lot of characters. I understand where you're going with it, since you are talking about multi-universes for goodness sake, but it's hard to keep track from a readers perspective. You have to ask yourself, "how many characters are in this scene? How many characters are necessary in this scene? How many are talking? Is it important they talk or am I just adding them in there because they're there in my head?" Sometimes scenes don't translate well from imagination to paper, and as writers we have to understand when that is happening. During some (not all) of your conversation scenes, it's hard to recall who is there until they throw in dialogue which often ended up with me being surprised certain characters were there. However, with the complex universe that you are trying to put together, I can also understand the importance of having all characters present. It shows the melding of every culture and that they're working together. What I was always told is that if you have more than 5 characters talking in a scene, it better be a f*cking party because when was the last time you-as a person- had an honest to god conversation with 5 or more people? It's just hard to relate to, and difficult to keep up with. On that note though, I feel like you've done a good job. Not many people actually think of, let alone attempt, such an in depth and multi universe fanfiction. This shit is cray. When I was linked to your story and more characters kept coming up I literally thought "damn, this kid has some balls." I've never read a story like this. Your sentence flow is impeccable, there are no spelling errors, no grammar issues, no dumb OC romances. What you have here is a true fanfiction. And what I love most about it is you just keep writing it. Most people stop after three or four chapters, but you keep chuggin' away. Keep going. Don't stop. This story is dope, and you're a legend for trying to write such a complex set up. RT
9/18/2016 c3 4pretty-ok
I'll preface this by saying I'm your review train reviewer from r/fanfiction. I wanted to review the whole story, which is why this is coming so late, but I've been really busy this week.

You seem like an experienced writer; there are very few typos, the grammar is clean, and nothing feels awkward or like you're lacking in ability or vocabulary to describe what's happening. This whole story has a pretty flowery, literary feel. I'm going to assume that's what you're going for, because you really hit the mark. I enjoy how you set the scene with each location change, especially since I'm not familiar with all the different elements you're pulling into this story (or maybe you're making up all this demon realm stuff, I really don't know). Although there hasn't been that much dialogue yet, you seem to have Ben and Gwen's characters down pat. You even managed to sneak in a little smut scene without it feeling too out of place, and in general the scene changes flow pretty well.

I will say there are a few rough patches though. I think you're overusing phrases like "the brunette" to refer to Ben, and other such references to other characters. I know there's a name for this, but I can't recall it for the life of me right now. I'd also say that the buildup is pretty slow right now. I can understand not wanting to just drop readers into the action, but if you don't make the promise of what is to come besides flowery descriptions of scenery, many readers won't want to slog through what you've written to find out what it's about.

Overall, it's a good story and well-written, you just need to work a bit on picking up the pace, or at least giving the reader a better idea of where the slow-buildup is leading.
9/1/2016 c5 Cool
I have no idea where this is going, but the writing style is interesting, and the unique crossover appeal has me hooked.
7/20/2016 c4 31GGMK
So, um, wow. I really dig this. Cosmic villains being bad-a** is something I can read about all-day. The dialogue is too good.

Poor Scott, though.
6/9/2016 c2 2TheUtopianSociety
The way you describe the setting, the actions of characters, the feelings, etc. drives me crazy. It's so good. Really, you just blow me away with the way you stimulate the five senses. Furthermore, it's interesting to see the different facets of these characters personalities and seeing them in such different situations that we're used to. At the same time, I think you do a great job of keeping the spirits of the characters in check. I can believe what they are doing, how they are acting and so forth. You knocked this one out of the park. I look really look forward to the next chapter.
6/4/2016 c1 6Ultimateblack
Nice for an opening chapter. Too bad I'm not a fan of Ben 10 and I don't know half the things that are going on. I'm sorry but I'll have to pass on this. Anyhow I wish you all the best in writing this story. You're doing a fine job anyway :)
6/3/2016 c1 42KumoFuzei
Going in almost entirely blind.
Ben 10? It's been ages since I saw that.
The descriptions and flow are really solid but very detailed in some places, which can sometimes take more than one read to get the gist.
A really interesting chapter with good interactions and solid writing but I'm not sure what to actually say about characters and plot :S
5/20/2016 c1 Hey
Interesting start. No idea where it's going, but I'm game.
5/10/2016 c1 2TheUtopianSociety
Interesting chapter. I'm really liking what seems to be the set up for a story of grand scale. I also want to compliment you on your world building and character descriptions. You set the mood quickly and throughout the story, whether or not you mentioned the setting, I could see the world. The description of the Omnitrix was especially impressive as it was concise and helped jog my memory of what it looks like. Really well done.

As for Morrigan and Shuma-Gorath (one of my mains in MvC2 so bonus points), I liked the scene between them. Their conversation gave a nice bit of insight into how unusual their dimension is. Side note, the first sentence of the last paragraph is slightly off. All in all, no glaring spelling or grammatical mistakes. It was a fun read. I also really enjoyed how it started because I imagined some being older than time reading me legends out of an old book.

I look forward to where you go from here. I will say that I hope you do something with Chaos Gods just because I don't want to them to have been solely for the purpose of "they look weird, but not the weirdest thing I've ever seen" line (I'm paraphrasing, you made Morrigan far more charming than that). All in all, keep it at because I'm excited to read more.

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