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5/19/2016 c5 65 Coloured Walker
A great story, I look forward to watching it continue.
5/19/2016 c5 Guest
I really want to see Sun actually talk to Blake and not just try to drift away from her because of what people said, though all in all this was a good chapter.
5/19/2016 c5 3Dragonbinder
Beautifully worked chapter
5/18/2016 c3 3KimranReech
Ah, Ruby and Sun interaction, surprising, but appriciated as well.
I liked him talking to a third party which could give him some additional insight, especially such a well meaning source like Ruby.

I do need to ask: Where exactly are we in the timeline? From your describtion I would gather somewhere in the early parts of Volumr two, but still before Blake's conversation with Yang and the Dance Party.

But, the better question seems to be how much you, or if you at all, plan to follow the original timeline.

Will we see the Dance Party at all?
Does the overall plot of RWBY still run in the Background? With Cinder planning stuff and the Tournament being a thing somewhere in the future? Or do you plan to go a more additional story way where someone like Adam plays s bigger role as the big bad.

Or do you simply want to use the few weeks in the semester of Volume 2 where nothing happend and use it to tell a complete slice of life story arc about the romance?

I mean I don't exactly want to be spoiled, but to somewhat know the direction of the story would be neat.
Ah, but that's just me having special wishes. Just ignore it.

However, one thing that I have to say, criticism or you could even call it a complaint is your usage of OMG in this chapter...please don't do this. Just write "Oh my God" if that is what you want to say. Don't let the characters speak in slang chat speak. They can write it..but please don't let them speak it out loud ever again.

Nothing much to add there.

Greetings, Kimran
5/18/2016 c2 KimranReech
First of, I'm glad that reviewing works again and I therefore can finally continue to read your story (As I want to try and review every chapter after reading it).

This chapter was...it was...how can I describe it?

It was freaking hilarious, that's how.

I laughted a lot while reading this chapter and the times that I didn't I at least had a big stupid grin on my face.

The paper post was a genius and genuine idea that feels like something that could really have been thought up by a teenager in love, and boredom.

Especially with the addition about Sun having forgotten about his Scroll...I almost facepalmed at that as I as well didn't even thought about them simply using their "Smartphone", just...God damnit.

It shows how enthralled I was by the events going on and by the fun that I had while reading it.

I must say that I'm overall very positively surprised by how well this second chapter turned out.

You already know that I liked the first chapter a lot, but that doesn't mean I really had faith in the rest...I just have read fanfiction for way to long to be able to think this positively, but I think this chapter wants to give me a sign and I greatfully accept it.

I really liked this chapter. The characterization, the ideas and execution of them, the writing and pacing, and the character interaction was also very nice.

I loved that scene between Sun and Neptune.

All in all there isn't really anything that I can complain about, which is rare. I just hope you keep up this level of quality and everything should turn out just splendit if you do.

Ah, just my two cents about the chapter lenght.

I personally think that 2-3k and 12k are both two sides of the extreme.
2-3k is to short to really enjoy reading it as it ends to fast and you are thrown out of your immersion, while 12k are too long, making the chapters a lot of work for you, especially if you want to keep the pacing. Are to long to read in one sitting making them impractical and harder to approch for the reader, and the waiting time between chapters would also be very big which is also not a good thing.

I personally would recommend the middle ground to you:

Around 6k words. This would be a managable size for you to plan them and for them to keep a good pace overall. While also being at a length that gives the reader the impression that they received a "full meal" after completing one, so to say.

Greetings, Kimran
5/17/2016 c4 Guest
I really want to see Sun tell Blake and Ruby about this and see their reactions to what Weiss just did, though I don't want Sun to seem whiny or weak maybe he just casually let them know while they are talking.
5/17/2016 c4 3Dragonbinder
Loving it
5/17/2016 c3 Dragonbinder
Nice work
5/15/2016 c3 8Sharrum
This pairing seriously needs more attention don't ya think? and ye it's my otp, even though people say they don't work out or something, people have their own opinions.
5/14/2016 c3 Arc.hammer
Awesome story and good characterization. Hope to see more
5/14/2016 c1 3KimranReech
Mhh, a very pleasant to read first chapter, overall good writing and I think you got Suns character down quite well. I'm pretty happy to see a story that isn't about some complete crack paring, but rather about one that at least has a chancr to come true in the show (If Sun doesn't die, I fear for him to be honest...stupid Adam.) I also hope that we will see some Sun x Neptune Bromance, as both seem like very good friends and Neptunes gets a lot of undeserved shit from the fandom. I personally like him a lot especially together with Sun. Keep up the good work and let's see where this story is going.
5/13/2016 c1 10Streggae
Color Me impressed, not many fics out there that tell the story from Sun's perspective. Haven is in Mistral by the way and Shade Academy is in Vacuo. Aside from that its a good first start, I hope you continue telling the story from Sun's perspective though, maybe even do a little background on what he's been up to in Beacon.

Looking forward to more.
5/13/2016 c1 Mystery
This is off on a good start. How about the story reveals this version of Sun:
1. Is an orphan.
2. Is addicted to bananas.
3. Will mostly go barefoot as well.
5/12/2016 c1 2glenawrites
Wow I really enjoy reading this and seeing how in depth Sun's character's thoughts are. Well written piece and I hope to continue reading more. Thanks for writing it!
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