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5/23/2016 c1 11Anonymaustrap
I really like some of the descriptions in this story, the beginning especially shines with some really nice description. However, some of the sentences come off a bit awkward and difficult to read. The last sentence of the third paragraph was especially problematic, and you could easily fix it by breaking it up into smaller sentences.

As a story, there doesn't seem to be much plot, just exposition. A lot of elements are brought in that do not really go anywhere, such as the Blastoneurons.

It would be good to see this expanded so that your good description have some better framework to sit on - some conflict or something that needs resolving.

Good job.

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