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for Better Days (Omega Ruby Nuzlocke)

7/1/2018 c1 11NekoShade
Damn. I know it's been a while, but I was really enjoying this. Pokemon is literally the only fandom where I can stomach OC's, and AJ is a pretty interesting character. Since he took the place of Brendan/Ruby, I'm already definitely shipping him with May/Sapphire. (Don't really care for the anime version and I came to realize I have a head canon version of the two thanks to the Manga and my own stories.) Though I see she may be a bit pigheaded in this, which I don't mind at all. Character development is always appreciated.

I'm shipping Leif and Kuno. I don't know why, but I do. Especially since Sceptile has a ninja-esque feel to me. (Like Blaziken being the Martial Artist/Pugilist and Swampert being the Sumo Wrestler.)

I didn't expect this to be a gijinka story, but it's a different take on it and extremely interesting. Ironically enough, I was working on a gijinka story, however, it was a Pokegirl type of journey.

Well, if you ever decide to do more I'll definitely look forward to it. If not, well, it was fun while it lasted.

Later Love!
1/16/2017 c6 8PsychicEevee0103
I really liked this story, but a promise is a promise. See ya either at the new story or at the next part of one of your others!
8/12/2016 c4 4jaguarspot
Your story looks really promising! I'll definitely follow it.

Is it me or AJ is either a pokemon or has pokemon ancestry?
8/7/2016 c4 8PsychicEevee0103
Okay, I've found my favorite chapter of everything ever. I mean, a Calvin and Hobbes redeems in one of your fanfics? I'm still convincing myself I didn't die and go to heaven, I love this!
6/22/2016 c3 PsychicEevee0103
I like how you have May as not a happy, peppy, positive girl here. It's one of the smaller things you have that differentiates it from the game.
Also, the reason why I completed both my national and living dex (one last year, the other a mere few months ago) was because I had nothing else to do in my games.
6/2/2016 c1 1jackallascarian
'Taillow' is the name of a species, not the name of an individual. Just say '...taillow chirped overhead...' You also don't need to capitalise the 't', 'r' or 'p' of 'tiny raccoon pokémon'.

I like the 'Hunter Metangs and Kabu-tides'! A pokémon-featuring game that's not 100% focussed on pokémon is exactly something that would exist in the pokémon world and makes your story feel more realistic.

While a 'male' or 'feminine' voice is a commonly used descriptor, it's not very accurae is it? As all men and women are different, they have different tones, volumes and accents. Describe it as "angry", "excited" or even "musical". I can't imagine a masculine/feminine voice in my head, as it could mean anything! But those other descriptors will help the reader give both characters a distinctive voice in their heads as they read.

Also- a raincoat? Inside a truck? And it's obviously quite bright outside so...?

Again, lower case 's' for "superpower pokémon".

Finally: I get that this is an opening chapter. You want to introduce without giving too much away. But the fact is it's hard to get interested or involved in this story based on a first chapter like this! Can you add more details about what kind of world this is? What sets it apart as a 'Nuzlocke' in the pokémon world? Why should we care about this kid? Why should your readers continue to read?

Good luck!

jackal
5/30/2016 c1 8PsychicEevee0103
Oh wow, something I can't somehow connect to Mystery Dungeon that I have an interest in, this'll be a new experience.

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