for Justice League Begins7/15/2018 c13 
2StarAquarius
Hey there. It's been a while since the last review exchange. Since it's the weekend, I thought it would be a good time to do so. With that said, here we go:
So Bruce and Diana are checking out the flash drive that had been given to an anonymous person, and boy did it had some dirty little secrets. Lex had planned to kidnap Alfred and use him as leverage to get Batman to fight Superman to the death, but when that didn't work, he created Doomsday to be rid of Superman forever. To make matters worse, most of that info got sold to the Joker, which led to the death of Bruce's ex-partner Jason Todd. Okay, it's official: someone needs to kill Lex or at least the person impersonating him for this cruel act.
As they check out Superman's files, it's even worse, so much so when it involves Lois Lane. Now Bruce gives Barry a call and asks for both Clark and Kara to see him. Now things are about to get serious.
Great chapter. The only issue I have is the dialogue tags, especially on Bruce and Diana's parts. I learned if two people are together, it's crucial not to put so much. If it came from a different person, it's okay, but if it's from the same people, you don't have to use it that much.
2StarAquariusHey there. It's been a while since the last review exchange. Since it's the weekend, I thought it would be a good time to do so. With that said, here we go:
So Bruce and Diana are checking out the flash drive that had been given to an anonymous person, and boy did it had some dirty little secrets. Lex had planned to kidnap Alfred and use him as leverage to get Batman to fight Superman to the death, but when that didn't work, he created Doomsday to be rid of Superman forever. To make matters worse, most of that info got sold to the Joker, which led to the death of Bruce's ex-partner Jason Todd. Okay, it's official: someone needs to kill Lex or at least the person impersonating him for this cruel act.
As they check out Superman's files, it's even worse, so much so when it involves Lois Lane. Now Bruce gives Barry a call and asks for both Clark and Kara to see him. Now things are about to get serious.
Great chapter. The only issue I have is the dialogue tags, especially on Bruce and Diana's parts. I learned if two people are together, it's crucial not to put so much. If it came from a different person, it's okay, but if it's from the same people, you don't have to use it that much.
5/26/2018 c12 StarAquarius
Hi there. How long has it been since we did a review exchange? For a long time, hasn't it? Now that the weekends are here, it's time to do one, so here we go:
You should take out the city tag since it is already in the paragraph. There's no reason to keep it there, just my two cents on it.
Wait, I'm confused, how did Kara get to Superman, or was there something I missed from the previous chapter?
Oh, Barry, he is such a jokester! LOL.
Oh, it seems Kara knows the truth about the person she was hanging out with and ditched him. Good thing she went to warn Kal about this. Uh-oh, they're attracting some company, so yeah, it's best to go somewhere private.
Barry with his usual jokes, at least he can lighten up both Kara and Kal, even if to smile.
Hi there. How long has it been since we did a review exchange? For a long time, hasn't it? Now that the weekends are here, it's time to do one, so here we go:
You should take out the city tag since it is already in the paragraph. There's no reason to keep it there, just my two cents on it.
Wait, I'm confused, how did Kara get to Superman, or was there something I missed from the previous chapter?
Oh, Barry, he is such a jokester! LOL.
Oh, it seems Kara knows the truth about the person she was hanging out with and ditched him. Good thing she went to warn Kal about this. Uh-oh, they're attracting some company, so yeah, it's best to go somewhere private.
Barry with his usual jokes, at least he can lighten up both Kara and Kal, even if to smile.
3/3/2018 c11 StarAquarius
Hi there. It's been a while since I did a review exchange here, so why not take the time to take care of it, eh? So, here we go:
Yup, its obvious: Kara aka Supergirl is with Milton, telling her half-truths and lies about Batman and his involvement with Superman, thanks to the listening device that Bruce placed in. I do hope that the next time they meet, he and Kara would make peace with each other, and that she'll discover the real truth behind it. Not in this chapter, but in more to come.
Bruce returns to his manor, and begins to decipher the encryption that had been given to Kara regarding Lex's involvement of the Superman case. Nice of Lois to drop in to give him some company. I do believe that there may be more sinister in the works.
Uh-oh...don't tell me Alfred could be in trouble, regarding with this ending. Let's see how this goes.
Hi there. It's been a while since I did a review exchange here, so why not take the time to take care of it, eh? So, here we go:
Yup, its obvious: Kara aka Supergirl is with Milton, telling her half-truths and lies about Batman and his involvement with Superman, thanks to the listening device that Bruce placed in. I do hope that the next time they meet, he and Kara would make peace with each other, and that she'll discover the real truth behind it. Not in this chapter, but in more to come.
Bruce returns to his manor, and begins to decipher the encryption that had been given to Kara regarding Lex's involvement of the Superman case. Nice of Lois to drop in to give him some company. I do believe that there may be more sinister in the works.
Uh-oh...don't tell me Alfred could be in trouble, regarding with this ending. Let's see how this goes.
12/26/2017 c10 StarAquarius
Hi there. Been a while. Hoped that you enjoyed a great X-mas. Anywho, time to send a review to you, so here we go:
First Scene: the chapter starts with Bruce returning to the hotel with Lois. The opening is good, but I think there are filter words that might be signs of telling, like the word decided (I kid you not). To make any story effective, an author puts in a balance between showing and telling. Keep in mind: there is nothing with telling. For example:
(Bruce found a message in his email when he, Lois, and Clark returned to the hotel. He shared it with Lois. “You said that you wanted to see security footage, right?”)
From that example, it is clear and concise. The reader can get an understand what is going on regarding this “imposter Lex Luthor”. However, it’s just my two cents on it.
Clark gets a small flashback about meeting Bruce Wayne through Lex. It’s small, but an important one as it triggers any memories he might have lost. Also, when it comes to flashback, a special font should separate from the normal fonts so that readers can know which is which.
At the ending of the first scene, Clark heads off to find the woman that would help him get his memories back. Bruce brings Lois back to his manor, and decides to pay the real Lex Luthor a visit as Batman. Why do I get this feeling that it’s going to get ugly?
Next Scene: Lex is still in prison, but he has a visitor, and it’s not Batman. Helena, his “cousin” has arrived, and she has found her birth certificate. Does this mean she’ll go searching for her real parents (i.e. Catwoman and Batman)? That reunion—if it occurs—is going to be bittersweet.
Also, the word him should fit between with and for when Helena knows about Clark Kent, and that she has a crush on him…somewhat.
Oh boy, here comes Lionel, Lex’s uncle, scolding him for bringing shame to the family name. This sentence: “I used to defend you to my brother…” should changed to “I used to defend you from my brother.”. And oh…so Lionel was the one that killed Bruce’s parents, at least in this story. He has a lot of nerve acting so high and mighty, and yet his hands are stained with innocent blood.
Batman arrives and sees his daughter for the first time, though not in a connecting way. I can see why Catwoman wanted to keep the information about Helena on the down low. It’s a common theme that villains sometimes go after the hero’s families just to bring their morale down. It would leave vulnerable to the enemies.
Man, Lex is so conniving, like he was toying with Batman about his secret identity. Eventually, he gives Batman about Milton Fine and how the doctor had planned to kill him.
Last Scene: Bruce arrives at Arkham to confirm Lex’s suspicion about the doctor. Hmm…the way how Kara (the intern) looks at Bruce, and then out of nowhere, she feels a little ill from the kryptonite Bruce had hidden within himself. Hmm…I got a feeling who Kara really is, but I’ll keep quiet.
Milton lets Bruce know not to be fooled by Lex’s goofy innocence act, and I would have to agree with him. Of all the times he had been trying to rid the world of Superman, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was trying to do the same with other meta-humans that might surface later down the road.
Overall, a decent chapter. It just needs some cleaning, especially about setting a balance between showing and telling, and it would be fine.
Hi there. Been a while. Hoped that you enjoyed a great X-mas. Anywho, time to send a review to you, so here we go:
First Scene: the chapter starts with Bruce returning to the hotel with Lois. The opening is good, but I think there are filter words that might be signs of telling, like the word decided (I kid you not). To make any story effective, an author puts in a balance between showing and telling. Keep in mind: there is nothing with telling. For example:
(Bruce found a message in his email when he, Lois, and Clark returned to the hotel. He shared it with Lois. “You said that you wanted to see security footage, right?”)
From that example, it is clear and concise. The reader can get an understand what is going on regarding this “imposter Lex Luthor”. However, it’s just my two cents on it.
Clark gets a small flashback about meeting Bruce Wayne through Lex. It’s small, but an important one as it triggers any memories he might have lost. Also, when it comes to flashback, a special font should separate from the normal fonts so that readers can know which is which.
At the ending of the first scene, Clark heads off to find the woman that would help him get his memories back. Bruce brings Lois back to his manor, and decides to pay the real Lex Luthor a visit as Batman. Why do I get this feeling that it’s going to get ugly?
Next Scene: Lex is still in prison, but he has a visitor, and it’s not Batman. Helena, his “cousin” has arrived, and she has found her birth certificate. Does this mean she’ll go searching for her real parents (i.e. Catwoman and Batman)? That reunion—if it occurs—is going to be bittersweet.
Also, the word him should fit between with and for when Helena knows about Clark Kent, and that she has a crush on him…somewhat.
Oh boy, here comes Lionel, Lex’s uncle, scolding him for bringing shame to the family name. This sentence: “I used to defend you to my brother…” should changed to “I used to defend you from my brother.”. And oh…so Lionel was the one that killed Bruce’s parents, at least in this story. He has a lot of nerve acting so high and mighty, and yet his hands are stained with innocent blood.
Batman arrives and sees his daughter for the first time, though not in a connecting way. I can see why Catwoman wanted to keep the information about Helena on the down low. It’s a common theme that villains sometimes go after the hero’s families just to bring their morale down. It would leave vulnerable to the enemies.
Man, Lex is so conniving, like he was toying with Batman about his secret identity. Eventually, he gives Batman about Milton Fine and how the doctor had planned to kill him.
Last Scene: Bruce arrives at Arkham to confirm Lex’s suspicion about the doctor. Hmm…the way how Kara (the intern) looks at Bruce, and then out of nowhere, she feels a little ill from the kryptonite Bruce had hidden within himself. Hmm…I got a feeling who Kara really is, but I’ll keep quiet.
Milton lets Bruce know not to be fooled by Lex’s goofy innocence act, and I would have to agree with him. Of all the times he had been trying to rid the world of Superman, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was trying to do the same with other meta-humans that might surface later down the road.
Overall, a decent chapter. It just needs some cleaning, especially about setting a balance between showing and telling, and it would be fine.
11/13/2017 c9 StarAquarius
Hey there. I know it's a bit late due to daylight savings, but that won't stop me from doing a review exchange with you, so here we go:
So the scene starts with Clark trying to get his things when Milton comes in and starts twisting the truth about Bruce, Lois, and Lex. Talk about conniving at least, considering that Clark has memory loss which is both a blessing and a curse. However, I do agree with Milton to an extent about Bruce, but I might be wrong.
The next scene: Clark returns to Las Vegas (thanks to his super-speed) overhearing a small conversation with Bruce, before returning to Lois. He tells Lois of what Milton had told him, but Lois quickly dismisses it as one of those neighbors sticking their noses into other people's business and don't care about it. Ooh, things about to get spicy until Bruce knocks on the door. Ugh, talk about ruining the moment.
The breakfast scene: Lois gets a call that Lex wants an interview with her, which she declines once again. Clark asks questions about Lex, which Lois and Bruce answer that Lex was no friend and the the charges he had committed.
It's a pretty good chapter, but I found some flaws. There are some headhopping regarding the POV of each character. Granted that you had separated the locations of where each scene is taking place, but the POV is need of room for improvement. My suggestion is to go with one character at a time and focus on that characters' POV. This would help reduce the headhopping.
To help with that, I shall suggest a book from Amazon Kindle: "A Busy Writer's Guide: Deep Point of View". What is does is that it would help you go deeper into the character as if you are watching through their eyes, what they feel, and etc. Hope the book will help in the long run
Hey there. I know it's a bit late due to daylight savings, but that won't stop me from doing a review exchange with you, so here we go:
So the scene starts with Clark trying to get his things when Milton comes in and starts twisting the truth about Bruce, Lois, and Lex. Talk about conniving at least, considering that Clark has memory loss which is both a blessing and a curse. However, I do agree with Milton to an extent about Bruce, but I might be wrong.
The next scene: Clark returns to Las Vegas (thanks to his super-speed) overhearing a small conversation with Bruce, before returning to Lois. He tells Lois of what Milton had told him, but Lois quickly dismisses it as one of those neighbors sticking their noses into other people's business and don't care about it. Ooh, things about to get spicy until Bruce knocks on the door. Ugh, talk about ruining the moment.
The breakfast scene: Lois gets a call that Lex wants an interview with her, which she declines once again. Clark asks questions about Lex, which Lois and Bruce answer that Lex was no friend and the the charges he had committed.
It's a pretty good chapter, but I found some flaws. There are some headhopping regarding the POV of each character. Granted that you had separated the locations of where each scene is taking place, but the POV is need of room for improvement. My suggestion is to go with one character at a time and focus on that characters' POV. This would help reduce the headhopping.
To help with that, I shall suggest a book from Amazon Kindle: "A Busy Writer's Guide: Deep Point of View". What is does is that it would help you go deeper into the character as if you are watching through their eyes, what they feel, and etc. Hope the book will help in the long run
11/9/2017 c2 35CMR Rosa
Clark has amnesia and is going by the name Kal, interesting, and I wonder who the blonde teen that was with him.
35CMR RosaClark has amnesia and is going by the name Kal, interesting, and I wonder who the blonde teen that was with him.
10/16/2017 c22 29bearhow
The relationship with Joker and Harley was pretty good. Shes a bit crazier then him and more dangerous.
Really enjoyed seeing this again and would love to see Kara pull Jokers head right off.
29bearhowThe relationship with Joker and Harley was pretty good. Shes a bit crazier then him and more dangerous.
Really enjoyed seeing this again and would love to see Kara pull Jokers head right off.
10/12/2017 c22 11Loki God of Evil
I hate how calm Milton Fine is lol. He could be planning mass murder and he would still be calm and collected.
Also, That whole thing with Kara kissing Jason whilst thinking it was Milton. Does she perhaps have a thing for slightly older powerful men?
Anyhoo, Batman was on the scene and as usual, I loved how he took down the bad guys.
The Joker's men had no idea about who they were up against. Kara could have made him hit the wall so hard he could've face planted into it...now that would have been a funny thing.
And, I could easily imagine the Joker being as creepy as hell, saying all this to Kara to psyche her out. Not helped by the intoxicating interference of Harley Quinn too.
You're welcome.
11Loki God of EvilI hate how calm Milton Fine is lol. He could be planning mass murder and he would still be calm and collected.
Also, That whole thing with Kara kissing Jason whilst thinking it was Milton. Does she perhaps have a thing for slightly older powerful men?
Anyhoo, Batman was on the scene and as usual, I loved how he took down the bad guys.
The Joker's men had no idea about who they were up against. Kara could have made him hit the wall so hard he could've face planted into it...now that would have been a funny thing.
And, I could easily imagine the Joker being as creepy as hell, saying all this to Kara to psyche her out. Not helped by the intoxicating interference of Harley Quinn too.
You're welcome.
10/12/2017 c22 20jettmanas
Hey, nice update. Good tension between Milton and Kara. Enjoyed Bruce's multitasking and fight in reception (solid setting description). Great writing in the security room, followed by the holding room. Joker sure had a lot to say to Kara- plenty of tension w/concern from Bruce on the situation.
The readers missed a few typos-
all (you're) trying to
(sunsets), and (an) island
in the eye, hoping
Batman finished tying
used the Batarang
"Aw, sweetie
spotlight
slaughterhouse
Looking forward to the rest of the story!
20jettmanasHey, nice update. Good tension between Milton and Kara. Enjoyed Bruce's multitasking and fight in reception (solid setting description). Great writing in the security room, followed by the holding room. Joker sure had a lot to say to Kara- plenty of tension w/concern from Bruce on the situation.
The readers missed a few typos-
all (you're) trying to
(sunsets), and (an) island
in the eye, hoping
Batman finished tying
used the Batarang
"Aw, sweetie
spotlight
slaughterhouse
Looking forward to the rest of the story!
10/12/2017 c22 7csg-III
Ouch, I think Kara has bad taste in men hahaha
I'm looking forward to see your take on ZadArchie's Zadkiel :)
So Milton is trying to manipulate Kara to make sure she remains loyal to him, and distrusts the Bat. Very clever.
Loved the conversation between Kara and the Joker. The Joker was creepy just like he should be, and Kara's initial cluelessness and later anger, almost breaking his hand, were very well written. Poor Harley, I feel a little bad for her because the Joker clearly doesn't care about her.
Another excellent chapter, I'm glad to see an update for this fic!
7csg-IIIOuch, I think Kara has bad taste in men hahaha
I'm looking forward to see your take on ZadArchie's Zadkiel :)
So Milton is trying to manipulate Kara to make sure she remains loyal to him, and distrusts the Bat. Very clever.
Loved the conversation between Kara and the Joker. The Joker was creepy just like he should be, and Kara's initial cluelessness and later anger, almost breaking his hand, were very well written. Poor Harley, I feel a little bad for her because the Joker clearly doesn't care about her.
Another excellent chapter, I'm glad to see an update for this fic!
8/28/2017 c21 20jettmanas
Nice writing of Martha and Clark's talk, then the call. Then a surprising scene back in Gotham w/'Jason' and his method of dealing with the gang. Intense talk between Bruce and 'Jason', including mention of his daughter and the real Jason. Interesting that the gang still went in to cause trouble and the lack of security. Proofing notes PMed. Looking forward to the rest!
20jettmanasNice writing of Martha and Clark's talk, then the call. Then a surprising scene back in Gotham w/'Jason' and his method of dealing with the gang. Intense talk between Bruce and 'Jason', including mention of his daughter and the real Jason. Interesting that the gang still went in to cause trouble and the lack of security. Proofing notes PMed. Looking forward to the rest!
8/27/2017 c20 jettmanas
Good job showing Bruce's anger at Jason's memory being tainted, and Kara trying to keep the peace. Nice bit of humor w/her deciding not to ask what 'Jason's' expression meant. Solid scene at the office, then a well-written exchange w/Martha and Clark. I liked that they focused on his past.
Only two typos I found:
briefcase
Daily Planet- Perry's Office
A/N questions: not sure, and I thought it was good. Fun chapter.
Good job showing Bruce's anger at Jason's memory being tainted, and Kara trying to keep the peace. Nice bit of humor w/her deciding not to ask what 'Jason's' expression meant. Solid scene at the office, then a well-written exchange w/Martha and Clark. I liked that they focused on his past.
Only two typos I found:
briefcase
Daily Planet- Perry's Office
A/N questions: not sure, and I thought it was good. Fun chapter.
8/24/2017 c19 jettmanas
Wow, Lex resenting Helena for making a new friend. That's actually very believable. Then wanting to use her once finding out it was a Kent. Bruce rose a fist to Lois? Not good! Good thing Diana was there. And Bruce lies to Lois after- ironic.
Good scene w/Kara & 'Jason', followed by some solid tension when Bruce arrives wanting his question answered.
Once again I have no idea on the A/N questions. Proofing notes PMed. Nice chapter.
Wow, Lex resenting Helena for making a new friend. That's actually very believable. Then wanting to use her once finding out it was a Kent. Bruce rose a fist to Lois? Not good! Good thing Diana was there. And Bruce lies to Lois after- ironic.
Good scene w/Kara & 'Jason', followed by some solid tension when Bruce arrives wanting his question answered.
Once again I have no idea on the A/N questions. Proofing notes PMed. Nice chapter.
8/22/2017 c18 jettmanas
Good dialogue w/Lex and Mercedes, including his asking a number of questions to study her reaction.
The red kryptonite is an interesting gift- I remember how that works.
Batman's appearance was clever timing considering their talk.
For the A/N notes- I have no clue on either one.
Proofing notes in a PM. Nice work.
Good dialogue w/Lex and Mercedes, including his asking a number of questions to study her reaction.
The red kryptonite is an interesting gift- I remember how that works.
Batman's appearance was clever timing considering their talk.
For the A/N notes- I have no clue on either one.
Proofing notes in a PM. Nice work.