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3/11/2021 c7 4Monster King
2/20/2019 c7 2poplasia
In the first chapter (the first sentence, in fact), the Dragonborn's name is given as Finn Firebreath and not Finn Redbreath. Just thought I'd point that out. There were a number of other minor mistakes, but nothing too bad. I'd have to go through it again to find them, and alas I don't have the time right now.

I love any time you reference that the Dragonborn is keeping secrets, like how he only mentioned his own legend very quietly. Maybe he's a touch embarrassed? I hope that he managed to cover his butt after he first met Ozpin. Honestly, there are too many fics in this category where the Dragonborn just immediately explains everything, so I'm glad in this story he seems to have kept his info to himself.
I suspect you won't be continuing this story, given the time since it was last updated. That said, I do hope you return to this story.

If you want any ideas or writing advice, feel free to PM me.
11/22/2017 c7 Guest
loving the way the story is structered but y would the dragonborn keep some of the most dangerous relics on that planet in a display case unless there is some magical enchantment so it is really fucking stupid
4/19/2017 c1 andrewwhiting96
You somehow managed to missuse made and mane in a sentence, so congrats on having the literary talent of a pre schooler. And a few spacing errors as well to your sin count. I will read through until you fail so hard as to be worth more time avoiding than paying attention too.
3/25/2017 c7 Arichiki Kato
This is amazing! Pls update soon
11/1/2016 c1 25The Baz
Let me know if I'm wrong but in his visions I think you described LOTR/Hobbit, WoW, and I can't seem to place the other two.
10/24/2016 c7 25Rio Skyron
This is pretty awesome so far. If you're still looking for an OC, I have one idea you could use. PM for more details if you're interested.
10/1/2016 c7 j
you want reviews, okay, heres a review, stay the coarse, your story is good. great even, keep it up.
9/27/2016 c7 2Quintain Apprentince of Alduin
The Chapter length seems to be a bit short, but given he nature of RWBY, so far I have not seen any episodes longer than 15 minutes, I can't really fault you there. However, I would always strive to get at least 2 thousand words per chapter, and gradually increase it to a good length.

A personal recommendation would be no more than 8,000 words per chapter. Long chapters are good, but you don't want to bore your audience.

Also, maybe work on your vocabulary a bit more, every little bit helps.
9/16/2016 c7 desdelor97
This was a great chapter.
Please keep up the great work.
8/19/2016 c1 13Super mega super ultra mega
8/19/2016 c1 Super mega super ultra mega
8/14/2016 c6 Guest
Keep up the great work, looking forward to more Redbreath craziness _
8/13/2016 c6 desdelor97
This was a great chapter.
Please keep up the great work.
8/7/2016 c5 Guest
Update as soon possible, this a great piece of work
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