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for Concealed Memories

1/3/2017 c10 4YesaniChan
Four months and your apology is everyone thinking they're gay? I love ya guys. *Starts singing My Whole Family Thinks I'm Gay*
1/2/2017 c10 26HMS Siren
I'm trying not to laugh as it is 30 past midnight here. This chapter was frikkin hilarious!
1/2/2017 c10 8Attackoneverything
Don't regret anything Ha I loved it XD HAHA Love XD
Can't wait for an update XD
Excited for more XD
1/2/2017 c10 3SakuraKoi
1/2/2017 c1 KawaiiiPotato
Wah I wrote a long comment but it somehow failed to send! Anyways summary: I love it, thanks for the updatez gotta love Bon's mom, I was hoping for some acrion with Bon and Rin , I appreciate the out of the closet joke , AAAAND YES I AM VERY EXCITED FOR SEASON 2!
11/27/2016 c9 NobodyWriter
I think it is Bon
11/2/2016 c9 W.D Orian
More Please!

*Begs For More To This Awesome Story*
11/1/2016 c9 Guest
Update? Come on, you can't leave us hanging like this
9/21/2016 c9 KawaiiiPotato
OMG I MISSED THIS SO MUCH! Ghad it's seriously been a month! Anywaysss I understand your reason. College is a bitch. I myself is in college, major in Business Accountancy and I'm questioning my life choices right now lol. It's been a tiring week and the update just made my day. I have a large enough eye bags to put all my regrets in life hahaha wut? Absolutely love this chapter. it's a month wait but worth it. I figure he would not tell others about his amnesia. *sigh* Rin will be Rin. Adorable ball of cuteness. Smol human demon. Waaah. And that "Polkabrow" killed me. just sayin
9/20/2016 c9 SakuraKoi
I would like more of this story.
9/2/2016 c9 nicoleAnE
I almost threw my phone with the cliffhanger. It's evil! Loving Rin and Yukio's actittude with each other, and I'm wondering how will the others react to Rin's situation? This is so good!
9/2/2016 c9 34Mareessa
nuuuuuuuu cliffhanger but awesome chapter
9/2/2016 c9 11inlovewithshizaya
YES! I do enjoy this Aren't they gonna tell the others about Rin's condition? Bon knows, isn't he gonna tell? Was it Bon who grabbed him? Gah! So exciting XD I want to read mooooore!
9/2/2016 c9 Guest
Well, I can tell you that perhaps you need to re-think the entire thing. Presentation, plot, character, etc.

First, let's talk about presentation. One of the many things that can make, or break, the story is the ability to gather reader's interest. That starts with the summary. When you are looking for a good book to read, what do you read first when it comes to that book? The summary. It's intended purpose it to capture your interest enough to make you want to read the book in question. Same thing here. If the summary isn't capturing the attention of readers, something is wrong and needs revising.

Of course, the summary isn't the only thing that needs to capture readers interest. You need to have a good opening chapter (which is one of the toughest things to do. Reason why most write backwards or start from the center and work outward.). Your descriptive writing ability, grammar, characters... All of it will be judged in that first chapter and so forth.

To this, I would recommend taking some time and reading your work. Preferably without the bias. (It's your story, you may want to turn a blind eye to the mistakes you know are there. This is why some people say to re-read your story after a few days away. Read it from the readers point of view with a fresh head on your shoulders). Make note of any areas that you lose interest in, where you believe the characters are ooc (or mary/marty sue/stuish if you have OCs), areas of too much or too little. Stuff like that.

If you find those problems, I don't think I need to tell you that the story will need the edit.

Another thing is the title. Like the summary, it too can capture the readers interest.

Let's look at your title and summary: Concealed Memories. This title gives off the feel of "memory loss or sealed away memories". Yet the summary: After defeating a rather powerful demon known as the Impure King and finally accepting who he really is, Rin encounters a complicated obstacle. What obstacle is that and how will Rin get past it?

How is the summary tied to the title? You have two differing feels here which can confuse readers. Both the title and the summary need to be on the same page. If people can't tell what you want to write about, they aren't going to bother reading it unless they are that bored and need a read. (My case.)

Apart from the apparent problem of interest, your plot could be another thing you might want to look into. How well developed is this plot of yours? Did you even bother to plan it out? If the answer is no or "I'm not sure", then you really have a problem that needs to be addressed immediately. Don't ever write a story that you have no idea on where it's going. It just leads to unnecessary writers blocks and plot holes that you rather not deal with. (A headache waiting to happen.)

Not saying it can't be done, it's just... a pain in the ass.

Characters. A well written character can take you miles. Problem you're writing characters that already exist so you need to do your research on mannerisms, personality traits, and speech patterns, etc, to make sure you can capture them accurately. Then all the questioning of "Would the say this or act like that? How'd they react to this sort of situation? How would the grow if they don't (or do) obtain this one goal I have set up for them...". Sort of like writing an OC, but their personality already exist so you have to do your hardest to get them as close to IC as possible.

And that is one of many things readers love. A canon character that they feel are IC.

SO, roll up your sleeves. This part can be the messiest out of the lot.

I hope this helps. Good luck with your writing.

(PS. It's not such a good idea to put tags in the summaries. The summary part is for the summary of the story. It's wasted characters to put tags there. You can do that at the top of your first chapter. Same with co-author credit. This just makes you look amateurish.)
9/2/2016 c9 34ForgivenL
Why you put a cliff there? I cri
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