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for The main Emotion: Season 2

7/15/2016 c1 1IceGirl23
:P. Good!
ProsIntenseDrama
Cons: Making Reily evil is a very bad idea... what emotion did u get that from?!
7/10. Doing great.
7/6/2016 c1 Lala
I really enjoyed reading that! Some awesome laugh out loud dialogue from Disgust! Well done!
7/4/2016 c2 Guest
Sorry, allow me to rephrase that; please, sir, may we have some more?
7/5/2016 c2 26Dancingwiththesocks
This is really good, looking forward to the next update !
7/4/2016 c2 14StarNerve
OHH HECK NO... Evilness has taken over! D: UN-AC-CEP-TABLE!
I saw some misuse of words. Eg. 'intimated' should be 'intimidated'. Intimated has a different meaning... so it was pretty weird at first when I read it. Evilness' introduction could've been a little darker. Something along the lines of
"What are you doing to those core memories, Anger?!"

"Something that should have been done a LONG TIME AGO." You can insert those same lines because they were good and then you could make him turn around and say:

"And I love to break it to you peons, but I am not Anger. I am EVILNESS! (That part was good xD) Your Anger is gone and he is NEVER coming back! And I may not know how to bring him back to life (or from the dead however you want it), but I do have another option: WHY DON'T YOU JOIN HIM?!" with this, he pressed a button activating the recall tube.

That's all I can suggest as an improvement for this chapter. But it was good! Anger should be alive... when I saw his grave in the first chapter, and his death in the last chapter of your first story I was upset... D:

My suggestions for the next chapter? Hmm... this was my suggestion for a story plan I never did and I'm passing it down to you. I was originally going to make a dark IO fic called 'Inside Out: The Seven Deadly Sins' wherein after Riley reaches puberty she awakens a forbidden part of the house and becomes vulnerable to the Seven Deadly Sins - they find the Emotions, befriend them (because they're malicious like that) and kick them out of HQ to control Riley. Everyone outside of HQ was under their control and it's up to the Emotions to fight back - Because there were seven sins and five emotions, the Emotions had to somehow revive Bing Bong by making Riley remember him through subconscious and they had to go all the way to the heart to rescue Love (an Emotion who lives there) and that makes them seven. This was a mission sent by Riley's Guardian Angel, who later granted the Five Emotions, Bing Bong (Surprise) and Love the Seven Heavenly Virtues - which is powerful enough to defeat the Seven Deadly Sins. And they used these powers to defeat these Sins before they took possession of Riley's life.

That was MY story idea, now a suggestion I'm passing on to you is that Evilness takes over HQ inside and out so even the Mind Workers were lied to saying that the Emotions are evil (you can make up the reasons for their hatred) and the Emotions were locked away in Subconscious. (You have to think of a way out for them) And you also have to think of a plan on how they can defeat Evilness and please please PLEASE revive Anger at some point. Riley's NOTHING without Anger!

This was a good chapter and I hope you consider my criticism well. You're doing fine and keep practicing! Keep writing and don't hesitate to ask me some questions. :) Take care and good luck!

Ciao!
7/2/2016 c1 Guest
Wow, this is one helluva story! More, pls!
7/4/2016 c2 9KoldPredator88
I'm not a female, Guest. .-.
7/2/2016 c1 Guest
This is one of the most entertainin stories I've read in a long time. Please, ma'am, may we have some more?
6/30/2016 c1 14StarNerve
Hmm... Interesting chapter! :) The last story had a bit of suspense in there and it did need a sequel so good job!

The grammar is still a little rusty but I can see that you're improving! Keep practicing and keep on trying! And hey, if you need any help with grammar or stuff like that my PM is always open for pointers. XD

Have fun updating! Ciao bello! :D (Is that how you say it?)
6/30/2016 c1 26Dancingwiththesocks
Well, this is certainly interesting and different and I must say that I'm looking forward to an update.

Keep up the good work!

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