for Sharingan Secret7/11/2016 c1 
3CheeryDanDan
The story has potential but i suggest you check your verbs and fix them because you're constantly using the plural forms even when referring to one person. I will be frank with you, there are a lot of grammar errors but nothing reading a few books about grammar won't fix. I would suggest you take a beta for this not only for the story but also for you to improve your writing. Happy writing :) Oh and just so you know, english isn't also my first language but It's much easier for me I guess
3CheeryDanDanThe story has potential but i suggest you check your verbs and fix them because you're constantly using the plural forms even when referring to one person. I will be frank with you, there are a lot of grammar errors but nothing reading a few books about grammar won't fix. I would suggest you take a beta for this not only for the story but also for you to improve your writing. Happy writing :) Oh and just so you know, english isn't also my first language but It's much easier for me I guess
7/7/2016 c1 Guest
Good, but so short.
Good, but so short.
7/7/2016 c1 guest
Kill yourself, virgin fag.
Kill yourself, virgin fag.
7/9/2016 c4 F. Kuuhaku
Bite marks as an accessories? Never cross my mind, haha. Well, possessive-Sasuke thinks he must show the world that Naruto is his. XD
I miss your narration. But I got SasuNaru moments here. :)
The next chapter is the last? Hm?
Bite marks as an accessories? Never cross my mind, haha. Well, possessive-Sasuke thinks he must show the world that Naruto is his. XD
I miss your narration. But I got SasuNaru moments here. :)
The next chapter is the last? Hm?
7/9/2016 c3 F. Kuuhaku
Your description was simple and good. Keep it.
Haku is a man in Naruto, haha. Well, I guess you made him turn woman in this fanfiction.
Its end in autumn theme, Can't wait for the winter. Maybe I'll find cool Semes. XD
Your description was simple and good. Keep it.
Haku is a man in Naruto, haha. Well, I guess you made him turn woman in this fanfiction.
Its end in autumn theme, Can't wait for the winter. Maybe I'll find cool Semes. XD
7/9/2016 c2 F. Kuuhaku
You can use "Flashback" to replace "Go Back Time". But if you prefer the later its fine.
The second paragraph kinda confusing. Maybe you should use name. Ex:
"Naruto is the one whom suggest him to try this kind of work. ... But Naruto shows him how ..."
Another typo "Sasuke gets 'want' he want ..."
Thanks for writing. I hope you'll get better.
You can use "Flashback" to replace "Go Back Time". But if you prefer the later its fine.
The second paragraph kinda confusing. Maybe you should use name. Ex:
"Naruto is the one whom suggest him to try this kind of work. ... But Naruto shows him how ..."
Another typo "Sasuke gets 'want' he want ..."
Thanks for writing. I hope you'll get better.
7/9/2016 c1 F. Kuuhaku
"..., he starts to walk toward." Um, I think is 'foward' not 'toward.'
"And me?!" 'Cause you're using author's POV, it should have been "And Sasuke?!"
.
Um, coma typed before quotation marks. Example:
"You do a good job, Hinata," she said ...
"Sasuke-san," he said ...
and, etc.
.
I notice that you were using simple present tense instead of simple past tense. Well, I think its okay.
.
Thanks for writing this fanfiction. I'll wait for more.
"..., he starts to walk toward." Um, I think is 'foward' not 'toward.'
"And me?!" 'Cause you're using author's POV, it should have been "And Sasuke?!"
.
Um, coma typed before quotation marks. Example:
"You do a good job, Hinata," she said ...
"Sasuke-san," he said ...
and, etc.
.
I notice that you were using simple present tense instead of simple past tense. Well, I think its okay.
.
Thanks for writing this fanfiction. I'll wait for more.
7/8/2016 c4 Mindy the Witch
I know you're worried with some of your errors but u can just review and straight them out.. *(I found more typos on the second and third chapters, and just so you know, English isn't my first language either)
I was one of the first people to read the first chapter (at list I think so) but i'm really embarassed that you thanked me.. but I'm still really happy to be remembered \\\\
Your idea enchanted me and I'm loving it!
About the backstage part... It's a LOT more caotic than you think!
You have my blessings, darling so I hope for a really good ending ok?!
Kissus
I know you're worried with some of your errors but u can just review and straight them out.. *(I found more typos on the second and third chapters, and just so you know, English isn't my first language either)
I was one of the first people to read the first chapter (at list I think so) but i'm really embarassed that you thanked me.. but I'm still really happy to be remembered \\\\
Your idea enchanted me and I'm loving it!
About the backstage part... It's a LOT more caotic than you think!
You have my blessings, darling so I hope for a really good ending ok?!
Kissus