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for Light in the Black

1/11/2020 c1 4BanzEye
Story’s good, but you have some spelling errors, and you forgot a LOT of punctuations. But all in all, it seems PRETTY good!
2/5/2017 c1 5Jack Redhawke
You need to punctuate and go over all the grammar in this, it's a good story but needs work
1/29/2017 c8 2Fog Repair Ship Akashi
Nice chapter man, keep it up. Quick Q though, are you going to have Pyrrha die in this? I personally hope not but this is your story and it is great. Well whatever you choose to do I can't wait for the next chapter!
1/23/2017 c1 Muffles
I imagine English is a second language? It's okay, but here's some advice: Use punctuation in your dialog. What this means us that you should use periods . and commas , when people talk. Use a period when there is a long pause. In your line "Handled worse Lt handled worse" the period would go here: "Handled worse Lt Handled worse." Commas go where you imagine a short pause; "Handled worse Lt, handled worse." Check the internet for some free guides, and your good but poorly punctuated prose will br exquisite! (Sorry, I like using long words. My nickname is google)
8/30/2016 c5 FlynnTaggart93
Another great chapter m8 keep up the creativity it suits you.

8/15/2016 c4 FlynnTaggart93
loving it so far.
once again shadow and player having the shittiest time with everything, but i can't wait to see what you do with them next.

seriously loving the story m8 keep up the good work.
8/14/2016 c4 CorenofLumbar
#FuckYuriinRWBY Achievement Get! "FlameLord"
8/1/2016 c3 FlynnTaggart93
loving the story so far. i guess you answered my question in this chapter unknowingly.
So im guessing shadow is a shadow clone trooper and not just a clone with black marks on his armour.

can't wait for the next chapter m8 keep up the good work.
8/1/2016 c2 FlynnTaggart93
quite good so far but one question. Is shadow a shadow clone trooper or at the very least have some kind of black markings on his armour. Otherwise that whole thing about shadow being stealthy at night in pure white armour is a bit odd.
7/31/2016 c3 CorenofLumbar
WhiteRose? Really? . .sense! I cri every tiem.
7/8/2016 c1 8The Crimson Commando
This is a good concept, and I believe you should see where you take yourself on this story. However, I would like to suggest some things:
First, you should go back and proofread this several times, making corrections to spelling, capitalization, word tense, and punctuation wherever you see them. While this is readable, lack of punctuation and constant switching between tenses can make this story feel rushed, which often breaks the reader's immersion.
Second, don't list off what a person looks like and what he or she wears. Again, it breaks the reader's immersion and can drop interest. Instead, write the description in a flowing format that better helps readers visualize the character.
Third, don't forget that the site lets you put in line-breaks. Use them when switching perspectives, for instance when Team RWBY spies on the clone Squad.
Again, this story has potential-as all do. Remember to pace yourself and don't rush. Stick to one verb tense, and don't forget to capitalize proper nouns. This is a good story; all it needs is just some tidying up.
7/8/2016 c1 159Azure Darkness Yugi
Pretty good start. Some points had me laughing.

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