for HP & The Jade Dragon1/2 c94 Sonia25
It has to be one of the worst ff I have ever seen. Terry boot was publicly assaulting daphne so instead of being in azkaban he is roaming freely. Are u even fucking serious for writing this shit? Those girl should actually stay at home because they are truly pathetic, they are not muggles they have magic and they can't defend themselves when anyone comes and assault them where is their fucking wand? If they can't defend themselves why they even go to those bloody parties in the first place ? They are pathetically weak. Now again Susan bones and their friends going to do the same mistake because they are beggars and have never eaten descent food or have money so they immediately agreed to go to Ron's party for free food. Frankly speaking these girls are disgusting and none of them are worth of Harry. They are weak, can't even fight their own battle despite being a witch , they are also fucking idiots and anyone can come and sexually assault them and get away. What a pathetic pice of shit this ff is! The characters of the girls are beyond disgusting.
It has to be one of the worst ff I have ever seen. Terry boot was publicly assaulting daphne so instead of being in azkaban he is roaming freely. Are u even fucking serious for writing this shit? Those girl should actually stay at home because they are truly pathetic, they are not muggles they have magic and they can't defend themselves when anyone comes and assault them where is their fucking wand? If they can't defend themselves why they even go to those bloody parties in the first place ? They are pathetically weak. Now again Susan bones and their friends going to do the same mistake because they are beggars and have never eaten descent food or have money so they immediately agreed to go to Ron's party for free food. Frankly speaking these girls are disgusting and none of them are worth of Harry. They are weak, can't even fight their own battle despite being a witch , they are also fucking idiots and anyone can come and sexually assault them and get away. What a pathetic pice of shit this ff is! The characters of the girls are beyond disgusting.
11/5/2020 c39 winghardtlisa
So I really like this story, for once something completely relatable and different from most stories. I don’t think the overall progress of the stories is too slow, in the later chapters maybe when it comes to fighting action but that’s still fine. You certainly have a wonderful creative twist on the magical workings and some really cool ideas! Bonus would be a look into Luna’s storyYou could do with some minor corrections to make the story more „flowing“. Shorten whole paragraphs into more sentences- often times one paragraph IS one sentence. Don‘t “explain” repeat actions and their reasonings, most of the time its self-explanatory. And please, slow down with “as”! There are many synonyms you can use or just start a new sentence! It makes reading much easier.
So I really like this story, for once something completely relatable and different from most stories. I don’t think the overall progress of the stories is too slow, in the later chapters maybe when it comes to fighting action but that’s still fine. You certainly have a wonderful creative twist on the magical workings and some really cool ideas! Bonus would be a look into Luna’s storyYou could do with some minor corrections to make the story more „flowing“. Shorten whole paragraphs into more sentences- often times one paragraph IS one sentence. Don‘t “explain” repeat actions and their reasonings, most of the time its self-explanatory. And please, slow down with “as”! There are many synonyms you can use or just start a new sentence! It makes reading much easier.
10/10/2020 c63 
3Arcane Bibliophile
so, I like the premise of the whole conflict between tiger turtle and phoenix, but why is everyone assuming that the whole phoenix clan is behind that letter? it seems so out of character from their first interaction and he had already seen that there were only select phoenix members that outright disliked him and hermione. I'm just saying that turning on Phoenix clan as a whole before getting a better picture seems a little rushed and oversimplified.
3Arcane Bibliophileso, I like the premise of the whole conflict between tiger turtle and phoenix, but why is everyone assuming that the whole phoenix clan is behind that letter? it seems so out of character from their first interaction and he had already seen that there were only select phoenix members that outright disliked him and hermione. I'm just saying that turning on Phoenix clan as a whole before getting a better picture seems a little rushed and oversimplified.
9/21/2020 c101 CelebTil
I love this story! I am greatly enthused by just how much you have packed into 3 months and 1 week storyline wise. Just imagine how long the story would be if you continue this for 3 years storyline wise, it would be like 1,200 chapters. Just an amazing story, you have great talent for writing, character development is gradual and in depth, background menace is intriguing,the description of the new places and people are very good without being too over the top,what sexual scenes there are are nicely put together. The only thing I could see to improve would be the pacing could be sped up a very little. I understand that when writing in an already established literary world that the descriptions are very important to set the stage for future action, so with that said I give this story a 9 out of 10 stars.
Well Done! Keep up the good work, and I hope real life doesn't get you down, as I have seen many wonderful stories never get completed because of RL problems and concerns.
THANK YOU for putting your hard work and effort into bringing this continued story of a much beloved character and literary world to life.
Sincerely
Celeb'Til
I love this story! I am greatly enthused by just how much you have packed into 3 months and 1 week storyline wise. Just imagine how long the story would be if you continue this for 3 years storyline wise, it would be like 1,200 chapters. Just an amazing story, you have great talent for writing, character development is gradual and in depth, background menace is intriguing,the description of the new places and people are very good without being too over the top,what sexual scenes there are are nicely put together. The only thing I could see to improve would be the pacing could be sped up a very little. I understand that when writing in an already established literary world that the descriptions are very important to set the stage for future action, so with that said I give this story a 9 out of 10 stars.
Well Done! Keep up the good work, and I hope real life doesn't get you down, as I have seen many wonderful stories never get completed because of RL problems and concerns.
THANK YOU for putting your hard work and effort into bringing this continued story of a much beloved character and literary world to life.
Sincerely
Celeb'Til
3/28/2020 c5 Vampireking40
The Four heirs to the founders should use there power to put all the Malfoys away. Also personally see that the Toad is sent through the veil and the families she tortured and killed off. That there remaining families are compensated from the toads vault.
The Four heirs to the founders should use there power to put all the Malfoys away. Also personally see that the Toad is sent through the veil and the families she tortured and killed off. That there remaining families are compensated from the toads vault.
3/20/2020 c73 SeraphimBlue
Been trying to just go with this but your version of Hermione is becoming an insane bitch
Been trying to just go with this but your version of Hermione is becoming an insane bitch
2/28/2020 c43 CMdkelley
Wow Hannah apparently could care less about Nevel if it means she can watch and get in with Susan...
Wow Hannah apparently could care less about Nevel if it means she can watch and get in with Susan...
2/26/2020 c71 Chyllen
Great story the only problem is you drag the description of things out WAY to long I don't know if you are doing for the word count but it's boring
Great story the only problem is you drag the description of things out WAY to long I don't know if you are doing for the word count but it's boring
2/1/2020 c100 2The Alpha 100
i havent read this. im usually weary of long stories. So I skim them. chapter50 first kiss,thats okay. butdid it really take harry 100 chapters to ask hermione on a date?
2The Alpha 100i havent read this. im usually weary of long stories. So I skim them. chapter50 first kiss,thats okay. butdid it really take harry 100 chapters to ask hermione on a date?
1/29/2020 c37 Guest
sentar las bases de la historia toma normalmente 5 capítulos, máximo 10. pero este lleva 35 y aún no llega a donde dice el título, es como decir que llegará y cuando lo haga la historia va a terminar
sentar las bases de la historia toma normalmente 5 capítulos, máximo 10. pero este lleva 35 y aún no llega a donde dice el título, es como decir que llegará y cuando lo haga la historia va a terminar
1/12/2020 c16 Guest
Pff I really like the concept and you're a petty decent writer, but like with many fanfics I was slightly annoyed at having to slug through the mandatory tropes of inheritance, goblins rolling over for a belly rub as soon as they get a pet on the head and the shopping trip to check all the fanon boxes.
But now I'm 16 chapters in and still slogging through that stuff which makes me speed read over it and sometimes mis the unique aspects of your story.
You have good ideas, some world building and fun character interactions, but you're drowning it out with humongous amounts of standardized cliched drivel and looking at the comment section you'll probably keep doing it.
I like long fics and I'm really impressed at how much you've written here, I wish I could do the same. But the slow pace makes me want to throw heavy objects at you.
Pff I really like the concept and you're a petty decent writer, but like with many fanfics I was slightly annoyed at having to slug through the mandatory tropes of inheritance, goblins rolling over for a belly rub as soon as they get a pet on the head and the shopping trip to check all the fanon boxes.
But now I'm 16 chapters in and still slogging through that stuff which makes me speed read over it and sometimes mis the unique aspects of your story.
You have good ideas, some world building and fun character interactions, but you're drowning it out with humongous amounts of standardized cliched drivel and looking at the comment section you'll probably keep doing it.
I like long fics and I'm really impressed at how much you've written here, I wish I could do the same. But the slow pace makes me want to throw heavy objects at you.
1/10/2020 c66 Rokai666
I thought that when twin wands connect its called Priori Incantatem? It means previous incantations/song in Latin. That is what its called in the books because when the twin wands connect the previous spells are replayed in a spectral sort of form which is what happened in the graveyard at the end of The Goblet of Fire.
I thought that when twin wands connect its called Priori Incantatem? It means previous incantations/song in Latin. That is what its called in the books because when the twin wands connect the previous spells are replayed in a spectral sort of form which is what happened in the graveyard at the end of The Goblet of Fire.