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for Demon in all of Us

3/19/2019 c2 cylus
Great story! Cant wait to see how it progressess
2/3/2017 c2 Yubella
I want to see more between neo and ruby please
12/22/2016 c1 7VariousStories
Alright, this ain't intended as flames, but I tend to be critical in my reviews, so apologies.

Firstly, there is an immense lack of detail in the whole chapter. From the characters outfits, to their surroundings, everything - especially when she went back to her room, I mean feathers in a bedroom isn't common, that REQUIRES detail if you expect it to sound extravagant and not plain weird. I mean you described most of episode 1 in five lines and, despite Ruby being a demon, there wasn't any notable deviation from her fight in canon? It would've been a good opportunity to display what was different between this Ruby and her canon version, but you skipped over it entirely.

Secondly, Ruby is a demon. Alright, that's pretty interesting, yet there is almost ZERO reaction to it. There isn't any suspense, anything to make the reader feel like her being a demon has any weight or depth to it. We aren't shown what it means for her to be a demon, how much stronger she is, or even why she wants to go to Beacon - couldn't she just go there and do what she wants without being a student? It feels like the only reason it was included was to stick to canon.

On that note, why did Ozpin even agree? He had EVERY reason NOT to let her in, but just because she has silver eyes and he see's a speck of good in her, she's allowed? Perhaps if this had more weight, like she was a cacophony of evil with an ounce of good in her, it could have more impact, but here it feels like, again, this was only done so the story stuck to canon.

On the subject of her, for some reason, being a futa... y'know I won't comment, since it isn't exactly something that will change the story because of it, its just something for the sexual half of the story, so I can let it slide.

Also we're introduced to Isabella, that's fine, OC's with a purpose are all fine and dandy. Yet she dies in the same chapter, and its supposed to be dramatic or emotional? I'm not sure if that was the intent, but if it was then it missed massively. Its hard to get attached to a character in a single chapter, and her death had no impact whatsoever, if anything her death didn't inspire an ounce of sadness, like a check box on a list. Perhaps if, later in the story after Isabella is mentioned several times by Ruby, then it would have impact, but not right from the start.

Grammatically it isn't terrible, but there is quite a few spelling errors and a lot of cases where a lower case was used where a higher cased letter should be. Time skips should be more obvious, as -back to the present- isn't very visible and can be easily missed. If whatever writing program you're using doesn't allow line breaks, then use the editor on this site before posting instead of just -line break-.

Overall the concept alone isn't bad, and even the explanation about Succumbi and other Demons is actually pretty good, but the other flaws are hard to ignore.
12/21/2016 c2 FoxyFoxation
Huh... Alright then. Im... Interested? I think lol.
Its hard to turn down a Ruby harem. I wonder who all will be in it. Hopefully Blake and Yang join it too!

- FoxyFoxation
8/20/2016 c1 3Draconus545719
Damn. good plot good bonus of the demon part i love can't wait for the update
8/7/2016 c1 654321alexander
Most evil move I have seen l like it you got a good thing going for you so good luck
8/4/2016 c1 Guest
7/28/2016 c1 yuriko777
hurry the fk up! I want updates
7/20/2016 c1 yuriko777
last angle\demon I read about Ruby she was the angel. eh but there are demonized Ruby fics mostly
7/17/2016 c1 6THB4
This story seems really cool I hope it was Summer and Tai that killed Isabella's hearm. Is this going to be a pollination fanfic if so how big will Ruby's hearm get. Since you had shown Weiss and Winter in the pairings dose that mean Ruby would go after Yang or Summer? Keep up the awesome work can't wait to see the next chapter.
7/15/2016 c1 9jmspikey
Ah I love ruby x harem (second only to my WhiteRose ship) fics shame there aren't a whole lot of them I mean she is the main character so I would like to see were this goes

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