Just In
for Male Order Bride

6/20/2021 c17 Geliscon
This is going to be a long review.

My main criticisms of this story are that many plot points either don’t have much of an actual impact on the plot or have a lackluster payoff, some characterizations are off, and the final chapter was odd.

Firstly, plot points could have had more of an impact on the plot or a better payoff. As an example, the time spent on Gordo Lotus is somewhat of a letdown when all it really amounts to is giving Gohan a way to be financially secure if he divorces Videl. This isn’t bad by itself, but when you consider the amount of time spent with him and the fact that his employee abducted Gohan at gunpoint and threatened Videl, it felt like the payoff should have been more significant. I think this could have been improved either by reducing Mr Lotus’ involvement in the story while keeping the same outcome, or by expanding the significance of the outcome of his involvement. Another plot point that didn’t have much of a payoff was Gohan being stranded on the island and making dinner for Videl. Videl never saw that Gohan made the dinner, and Hercule just dropped how strange it was that Gohan got back from the island. This was a funny scene, but I feel like it could have been even funnier and had more of a story impact.

Next, characterizations are off, particularly for ChiChi and Videl. Videl’s characterization isn’t bad per se, it’s just that we don’t really see much of it. You bring up that Videl is a little suspicious of Gohan seemingly being able to see in the dark, being able to move quickly, and eating a lot, but you don’t do much with that suspicion. It strikes me as odd that Gohan can live in the same building as Videl for several months without doing more weird things to raise her suspicions. Also, ChiChi is seemingly incompetent in the way that you note that she can’t handle raising Goten on her own. I get that she’s emotionally distraught that Gohan has grown up and moved out, and that she’s very busy around the house, but I feel like she would fare better than you give her credit for. I don’t buy that Son ChiChi can’t figure out how to buy or borrow a taller ladder from a neighbor to change a lightbulb or isn’t strong enough/smart enough fix some leaky pipes. I also think it’s odd that ChiChi would react to Gohan moving out by basically shutting down and barely speaking to Gohan, but it’s plausible so I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt on that point.

Finally, the last chapter is just bizarre to me. Videl and Gohan are shown in the story to like each other, but Videl feels regret over marrying Gohan because of how it impacted his family life and because they don’t know each other that well. She states that they’ve done things out of order and the marriage was a mistake, and so they should divorce. This makes complete sense. But what doesn’t make sense is what they do next: they don’t speak for 10 years. Is there no middle ground between being married and having no contact with one another? The reasonable course of action is for them to get divorced, decide that they want to do things the right way and get to know each other better, start dating, and go from there. If Gohan is too busy to date between his family, school, his part-time bodyguarding work, and the baseball team, the reasonable thing to do would be to make some time by quitting the baseball team.

Please do not get me wrong, I did enjoy the story. I thought the premise was hilariously ridiculous and there were plenty of parts that I laughed out loud. I also liked how you showed that Gohan was dedicated to Videl to wait for her and come back for her, and that he also respects her choice in who she marries. I also liked your depiction of men and women simply being good friends through Gohan and Erasa. I also enjoyed the very end of the story where Gohan is fighting not to win Videl, but to win her the ability to chose who she marries. It’s just that I thought the path you chose to get to that conclusion was a bit strange.
1/12/2021 c17 HaywireEagle
I said I would stop but I didn't. It kind of sucked me in. Though I have to be honest it didn't really end the way I thought it would. Kind of disappointing to be honest.
1/12/2021 c2 HaywireEagle
This is just far too much. I can't take it. Good luck but this was just too weird for me and that's saying something.
1/12/2021 c1 HaywireEagle
The premise is absurd and hilarious. I am curious to see how things progress. Forward to the next chapter~
12/19/2020 c17 chocolate with cherries
Hello, thanks for the update, the whole story was very nice, but I would like to see how the tournament and Videl and Gohan's wedding are, please make an epilogue to enjoy how the tournament was and their reaction to seeing each other again
12/16/2020 c17 Anonymously96
You can't end here
I so so so want to see the final chapter of how Gohan wins and then offers her the choice
Saying you can marry anyone you like, because you're a person and you have a choice
Please write the final chapter
Update soon
12/16/2020 c17 2Dr. Blue22
My only complaint is Goten saying Gohan has a receding hairline, hit way tooo close to home. Hope you do an epilogue! We neeeeed that happy ending!
9/2/2020 c16 Dr. Blue22
Happy ending! :)
9/1/2020 c16 chocolate with cherries
Hola que sea un final feliz
9/1/2020 c16 SuperSaiyajin4Vegeta
Weird way to ask for a bodyguard
9/1/2020 c16 Guest
An amazing story keep it up
9/1/2020 c16 Anonymously96
A happy ending pleaaaasseeeee
9/1/2020 c16 4Iwik
Why wouldn't they have a happy ending? So far, they're both interested in the other, even after a rocky start.

I liked the story, it was a fun ride. Looking forward to the final chapter.
8/19/2020 c15 Anonymously96
What exactly is Chichi's problem?
8/7/2020 c14 Guest
Can’t wait to see videos reaction
60 Page 1 2 3 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service