for The Legend of Natsu Dragneel8/5/2016 c1 
2Meaningless Us3rname
I was always under the impression that Irene was Erza's mother, not her sister
2Meaningless Us3rnameI was always under the impression that Irene was Erza's mother, not her sister
8/3/2016 c2 Kjblau
Review:
Premise/Theme;
Alright, I'll admit you have a good premise. Natsu going back to save everyone while being stronger than original. It's good, but a bit overused. Also, a lack of explanation as to how Natsu went back in time will alienate some readers' interest.
Score: 7/10
Grammar;
For your first chapter there a lot of grammatical errors popping up every other line. It was improved in the second chapter, but there were still plenty of issues in wordplay and punctuation. There were spaces between things that didn't need to be there making the read awkward. Then there were extra sets of punctuation, such as "?." Or ",." At the end or the middle of sentences. I can see you're improving, just be sure to proofread before posting, or get a beta reader to help with editing. And lastly, I believe that you should distinguish between talking and just thoughts. For example, you can use quotations for when a person speaks, ("Natsu! Come here!"), and use apostrophes and italics for thoughts. Just a thought
Score: 4/10
Character/ Execution;
Now, you're starting out all right, but the dialogue for the characters seems a bit rushed. Try to slow down a bit with each person to get their own development started. Also the transitions are a bit shaky. From one scene to another, it doesn't form as coherently as it could be.
Score: 6/10
Top score:
5.6/10
Now don't take the score as saying I don't enjoy your story, because I do like it. It's quality, however, that drags it down a bit. I do see a lot of potential for this story and hope you continue writing and continue improving.
Review:
Premise/Theme;
Alright, I'll admit you have a good premise. Natsu going back to save everyone while being stronger than original. It's good, but a bit overused. Also, a lack of explanation as to how Natsu went back in time will alienate some readers' interest.
Score: 7/10
Grammar;
For your first chapter there a lot of grammatical errors popping up every other line. It was improved in the second chapter, but there were still plenty of issues in wordplay and punctuation. There were spaces between things that didn't need to be there making the read awkward. Then there were extra sets of punctuation, such as "?." Or ",." At the end or the middle of sentences. I can see you're improving, just be sure to proofread before posting, or get a beta reader to help with editing. And lastly, I believe that you should distinguish between talking and just thoughts. For example, you can use quotations for when a person speaks, ("Natsu! Come here!"), and use apostrophes and italics for thoughts. Just a thought
Score: 4/10
Character/ Execution;
Now, you're starting out all right, but the dialogue for the characters seems a bit rushed. Try to slow down a bit with each person to get their own development started. Also the transitions are a bit shaky. From one scene to another, it doesn't form as coherently as it could be.
Score: 6/10
Top score:
5.6/10
Now don't take the score as saying I don't enjoy your story, because I do like it. It's quality, however, that drags it down a bit. I do see a lot of potential for this story and hope you continue writing and continue improving.
8/2/2016 c2 naruto
great chapter keep it up
great chapter keep it up
8/2/2016 c2 Master kill712
Nice chapter dude keep up the good work
Nice chapter dude keep up the good work
8/2/2016 c2 Alex
I honestly like the way he is thinking about protecting everyone and its so cute and adorable :) Im kinda wondering how he will meet Irene in future?He have enough time to get super op till he can fight acnologia,we also dont know how much Zeref is powerfull since he didnt even fought Natsu seriosly but im thinking that something is near and its going to be big chapter 500 is soon and Hiro knows to always put something big on every 100 story keep up
I honestly like the way he is thinking about protecting everyone and its so cute and adorable :) Im kinda wondering how he will meet Irene in future?He have enough time to get super op till he can fight acnologia,we also dont know how much Zeref is powerfull since he didnt even fought Natsu seriosly but im thinking that something is near and its going to be big chapter 500 is soon and Hiro knows to always put something big on every 100 story keep up
8/2/2016 c2 Guest
Please Add
Juvia Lockser
meredy
Sherry Blendy
Chelia Blendy
Wendy Marvell
Millianna
Cana Alberona
Minerva Orland
Yukino Agria
sorano/angel Agria
Evergreen
Jenny Realight
Laki Olietta
kyouka
Edo Wendy
edo Lucy Ashley
Edo Erza Knightwalker
Mavis Vermilion
Dimaria Yesta
Hisui E. Fiore
Flare Corona
Brandish μ
Bisca mulan
Aquarius
Aries
virgo
Mother Pisces
Ophiuchus (Eclipse)
Libra
Briar
Mary
Cosmos
Éclair
Ikaruga
Kamika
Kinana
Heine Lunasea
Juliet Sun
Earth Land Coco
Levy McGarden
Lisanna Strauss
Mary Hughes
Please Add
Juvia Lockser
meredy
Sherry Blendy
Chelia Blendy
Wendy Marvell
Millianna
Cana Alberona
Minerva Orland
Yukino Agria
sorano/angel Agria
Evergreen
Jenny Realight
Laki Olietta
kyouka
Edo Wendy
edo Lucy Ashley
Edo Erza Knightwalker
Mavis Vermilion
Dimaria Yesta
Hisui E. Fiore
Flare Corona
Brandish μ
Bisca mulan
Aquarius
Aries
virgo
Mother Pisces
Ophiuchus (Eclipse)
Libra
Briar
Mary
Cosmos
Éclair
Ikaruga
Kamika
Kinana
Heine Lunasea
Juliet Sun
Earth Land Coco
Levy McGarden
Lisanna Strauss
Mary Hughes
8/2/2016 c2 Guest
Fenrir44 here forgot to put this in my review
because of his power levels Erza would bring him with her on quests so he meets Bisca before alzack and if think what about asuka just make natsu her farther
Fenrir44 here forgot to put this in my review
because of his power levels Erza would bring him with her on quests so he meets Bisca before alzack and if think what about asuka just make natsu her farther
8/2/2016 c2 DragneelHarem
Aww...why not meredy,cana ,kinana and hisui in the harem? Please add atleast the former two in the harem.
Please please.
Aww...why not meredy,cana ,kinana and hisui in the harem? Please add atleast the former two in the harem.
Please please.
8/2/2016 c2 sneak13579
Why Natsu is afraid of Erza and Mira, he is stronger than them? Will you make harem bigger?
Why Natsu is afraid of Erza and Mira, he is stronger than them? Will you make harem bigger?
8/2/2016 c2 Fenrir44
Can you put cana Levy Lissana and Bisca in the harem
Cana Levy and Lissana works because now he is back in time natsu being natsu would try to help them
Cana with gildarts with Levy he would try to be around her to bring her out of Her shel and he would try to saven Lissana
Can you put cana Levy Lissana and Bisca in the harem
Cana Levy and Lissana works because now he is back in time natsu being natsu would try to help them
Cana with gildarts with Levy he would try to be around her to bring her out of Her shel and he would try to saven Lissana
8/2/2016 c2 3Zeckromizder
Great job on the new chapter... For members for the harem, you can add Minerva Orlando, Meredy Milkovich, Cana Albarona, and/or Milliana. You can also change some stuff in the timeline like Tenrou Group somehow survived Acnologia's attack, Deliora didn't die inside Iced Shell, and/or Natsu able to use his Etherous form. Loved how you are slowly progressing in how Mira and Erza feel for Natsu and how you made Natsu strong but knowing when to limit himself. Hope for next chapter
3ZeckromizderGreat job on the new chapter... For members for the harem, you can add Minerva Orlando, Meredy Milkovich, Cana Albarona, and/or Milliana. You can also change some stuff in the timeline like Tenrou Group somehow survived Acnologia's attack, Deliora didn't die inside Iced Shell, and/or Natsu able to use his Etherous form. Loved how you are slowly progressing in how Mira and Erza feel for Natsu and how you made Natsu strong but knowing when to limit himself. Hope for next chapter