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3/9/2017 c6 871-1 Marines
This was an acceptable conclusion to a good story.
I can see Anakin not feeling too torn up over Oling, Mothma, and the crew being killed since he either disliked or didn't know them.
Good for Obi-Wan to accept realpolitik-I.e. Revealing what he knows will only likely succeed in getting Hakha, Lente, and Boris in hot water or outright shot for treason.
I have to admit, it was a clever twist on your part to have Visari and Sidious outright plot for the death of a Jedi. I never would have expected that. Anakin never set foot on Helghan or Gyre in this story, so he doesn't know what life is like for the Helghast and has only heard secondhand info. In contrast, Radec and his team were only trying to destroy a bioweaon and the only Vektans he's met so far were at least complicit, even unknowingly, in a genocidal plot. Plus there were the Helghast test subjects, which would further make him more sympathetic towards the Helghast and be biased against the Vektans.
Overall good job with minimal errors. I don't have any ideas at the moment, but thank you for this pleasant surprise, my good friend.
2/23/2017 c5 1-1 Marines
Okay, I got a midterm coming up next week, so this was a nice break.
Good job describing the sniper rifle and Obi-Wan's sniping.
A sniper round could set off a frag grenade, and regardless good job incorporating a female Mook if only for a second.
Nice case of Reality Ensues in that Boris's suit was damaged (only for Obi-Wan to save him), the surviving Helghast were all running low on ammo, and they had taken casualties even if the Vektans have had a really bad day. Given how Lente had a company of infantry and maybe a few armored platoons at most against two battalions, it was to be expected.
Okay, I admit it, I Googled up an image of a MAWLR to better imagine the scene of it kicking ass. Nice Big Damn Heroes moment on its part, yet another inversion of how the games went.
Good to see that even Lente views Stahl's goons with distaste and goes as far as to have Boris take two guys to run interference, though Obi-Wan's presence could have been a case of trying to look good if only to help out the Helghast cause rather than further his own career.
Figures that Orlock wasn't politically correct in referring to Hakha's origins. Stahl also behaved fairly in character.
A realistic way of taking down the exoskeleton, the pilot being a Naval Captain probably not helping, especially since he was up against Anakin.
Unsurprised that Radec killed Massar the way he did given what she was up to. Let me play her a sad song on my tiny violin.
Nice bit of combat while Anakin was destroying the ship. I was expecting you to kill off at least one of Radec's Mauve Shirts, so I'm pleasantly surprised his entire fireteam survived.
Good author's notes, particularly Stahl's backstory and the explanation for why the Helghast don't address Sociopathic Soldiers and instead more or less let Stahl deal with them (especially since they're probably desperate PR-wise). BTW, apparently Stahl's the Helghast propaganda announcer for KZ 3's multiplayer, so maybe him having his own TV channel in a fascist society is somewhat justified.
Overall good job.
2/18/2017 c4 11OMAC001
Interesting seeing the ISA as the bad guys.
2/17/2017 c4 871-1 Marines
I've had a long day, so this was a pleasant surprise. Thank you for putting this out, my friend.
It makes sense that Boris would need to be helped out of his suit considering how it's an exoskeleton, same as Iron Man and Halo's MJOLNIR suits.
I haven't seen too much of Hakha, but you did a nice job depicting him as a nice but ultimately realistic person given how he thinks what will happen to Gyre even if he is concerned about the Vektan colonists and is willing to tolerate Visari if only to avoid poverty. It makes sense that he would keep his opinions to himself to avoid being killed or further ostracized by the Helghast. Though wasn't it five Consuls that wanted to demilitarize the Helghast and withdraw from Gyre if only to avoid an economic collapse while Visari was a Senator?
Interesting to add depth to Lente by having him be a Gyre native, which like Lucas in canon would motivate him more than average for the Helghast.
Good backstory for Hakha, I trust his mother is nicer than your average Helghast. I'm guessing she got crap from her superiors for having a kid with Chuckie, though he got the worse end of the stick given how he apparently got murdered by an ISA squad.
Given the contempt most Mandalorians would have for Kalevala, it makes sense that Hakha would generally view them with disdain. Also, between anti-democratic thought amongst the Helghast and Gunray not going to prison even if he claimed duress, it makes sense even a more idealistic man like him wouldn't think highly of the Republic.
Figures that the Helghast would be fascinated by Jedi given their history, especially if it got emphasized in their schooling.
Oh jeez, TWO battalions with air support? Assuming all Lente has is a company, even with Obi-Wan backing them up the Helghast are not gonna have it easy.
So the Strike Fighter has stealth coating? I suppose having a boarding tube would make sense given how the Strike Fighter seems to be like a Hind given how it can transport a small amount of troops.
Damn, Radec must've been close to Visari even back then to get entrusted with arms deals at 17.
Given how the ship could've noticed a hull breach, it makes sense their intrusion got detected fairly early.
That was a nice action scene, even better than the one last chapter. I thought this was a nice inversion of the KZ games in that waves of ISA are getting mowed down while a small unit of Helghast, albeit with a Jedi, take them out.
Damn, I actually expected a Mook Lieutenant (i.e. an infantry officer) to show up as this story's Brute rather than the ship's Captain. Bringing a mech to a gunfight is logical given what he's facing, and he still exhibits Villainous Valor in fighting a Jedi personally rather than letting someone else handling.
Overall good work with less errors than the last chapter (and believe me, the last chapter had minimal errors as well).
1/21/2017 c3 3TankMortal
It been so long since I found a good Killzone crossover , keep up a good story.
1/15/2017 c3 871-1 Marines
Given how the Helghast clearly prefer protection over comfort, it makes sense that they'd go for durability and firepower at the expense of life support. Plus wearing a suit could mean the difference between life and death in an emergency.
Yeah, Jobin qualifies as Stupid Good here since why would anyone risk friendly troops just to save the lives of pirates? Yeah, apparently Ranulph adopted the term "Militarist" proudly, and the Republic having political parties is likely. I suppose Chandrila would be influential enough to manipulate the Judicial Fleet. BTW, Russian Ground Forces is the name of the Russian Army in real life, I just thought of it because of your Judicial branch names.
Good to see that Radec clearly is disgusted by the conspirators willing to endanger their own people, and apparently he isn't a Fantastic Racist like a lot of other Helghast and Vektans.
It makes sense that the bad blood would lead to Patroclus hating Vektans that extremely. Anakin not commenting on it/defending the Vektans makes sense since they need to neutralize the virus and angering her would be counterproductive.
So unlike FDR, Minos was more than just an evil politician/bureaucrat. And Cole and everyone else are now dead. Too bad for them they didn't simply just catch up on their reading or something. I wonder if Cole just took credit for repairing things.
Okay, good job on Obi-Wan being a badass here, that was awesome. Yeah, I caught the reference to Shepherd.
Good lampshading of how the ISA Intruders are the worst dropships in sci-fi history. Apparently they were improvised cargo transports that happen to be cheaper and easier to use than proper vehicles-like the Humvee in real life, but arguably worse.
Good lampshading on Minos's part of Gunray getting away with all sorts of crap.
Nice Big Damn Heroes moment from Lente, Boris, and Hakha. Benoit's description of Valeria Harkin was also referenced. I suppose Lente being a lower rank than Radec makes sense since this is a different universe and I didn't have any ideas of including him until recently. Boris probably doesn't have the Harkins to guard given Vektan-Helghast relations preventing diplomatic ties from existing. I'm glad Hakha offed Minos, considering the circumstances all he really did was keep the public from having to fork over money for a trial even if it's premeditated homicide. Stormtroopers also distinguish ranks via pauldrons, so I suppose Helghast officers wearing caps isn't unprecedented even if it makes them sniper bait (though Phasma's cape puts them to shame). The same can be said of the ISA officers wearing berets in Mercenary, though.
Nice author's note explaining things. Mandalorians don't seem to use camo often, so the Vektans and Helghast lacking it makes sense. One possibility to resolve Gyre (I guess it isn't made up of islands here, unlike in Killzone) is to set it up independent of both sides a la the URN in the ATLA verse, though if Radec secures evidence to back up Anakin's testimony that'll be difficult. Lente didn't seem to hate Hakha for being a half-breed, unlike other Helghast and Rico, from what I've seen of him. Who does Hakha's father's name reference? Apparently Mon Mothma had a son named Jobin.
Overall good job, God bless you, my friend. This was a nice surprise.
1/15/2017 c3 FlynnTaggart93
loving the story so far man. Also i like how you, like myself and many others, have found that the Helghast are if not the good guys, they are at the very least better then the Vektans.

GLORY TO HELGHAN! GLORY TO THE HELGHAST!
1/15/2017 c3 10Just a Crazy-Man
lov
11/23/2016 c2 871-1 Marines
Sorry for taking so long, I was finishing Chapter 2 of Deceived.
If your intention was to make Cole a Hate Sink, congrats, mission accomplished. He's a hypocrite given how he lectured Anakin on tact but shows about zero tact himself when dealing with him or the Helghast. I actually was happy when Anakin head-slapped the moron.
I remember reading an old New Essential Guide that described Mandalorian armor as capable of holstering rifles. Not too sure if that would apply here, but it figures that Radec's escorts would be a diverse group.
Good God, the fate of the Brainrot Plague victims was fairly horrifying. Considering how Vaughton and Minos are having Massar work on it instead of the "Ethnic Bullet" from Shadowfall, they're actually bigger assholes since there's a chance their own troops and citizens could be infected as well.
Overall good summary of the antagonists. Serra isn't as close with Anakin as she is with Chad, so it figures that Anakin's only been complemented by his brother for his podrace win.
While Cole makes a point that Visari killed presumably democratically-elected leaders, he undermines himself by revealing anti-Mandalorian bigotry.
Good to see Cole is going to sit this one out, though that doesn't preclude doing repairs and ratting Radec and his team out. Given the Greek influences on the Helghast (an Autarch, Hera's first name, etc), the names of the Mauve Shirts make sense. Yeah, Themistocles (who apparently was forced to flee to Persia, ironically enough) is an ironic name for an anti-democratic figure, though he has a point. Not to mention tyranny of the majority.
Good thing Metrac brought the manual, and a hardcopy one rather than a file on a datapad.
Overall decent update, well worth the wait. Chapters like these are why authors should take their time on things.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving.
8/19/2016 c1 11OMAC001
Looks good so far.
8/3/2016 c1 871-1 Marines
I see this fic isn't gonna be a one-shot. Thank you for writing this.
Yeah, Anakin having Chad would help him adjust to the Temple quicker even though he'd still miss his mother.
Ah, so Vekta and Helghan aren't in the same system in this fic? Though I didn't mention Ghost heading into hyperspace or not in TECD, I think, so it might fit.
Anyhow, good exposition on how the Vektans and the Helghast came to be. BTW, Helghan was named after the Corporation and Vekta after the company's then-CEO. I see you based the pre-Visari government off of the Roman Republic, given the existence of Consuls and a Senate.
Ah, Master Che from Wild Space. I didn't like that novel as much as KT's Clone Wars novels. Is the Shadows of the Empire novel any good? You did say you liked the Gambit novels.
Nice compromise regarding meeting the Helghast and Vektans. Is Cole going to be the obligatory jerk who just pisses Anakin off and probably proves to be more of a hindrance than a help? BTW, I'd have Obi-Wan and Anakin hide their vests under their clothes for appearances' sake. Also, apparently there was a diplomatic branch of the Imperial Military as well in Legends.
Good end of the chapter featuring Visari and Radec. BTW, in the novelization civilian workers appeared at Stahl Arms, so soldiers doubling as factory labor is probably just due to reusing character models. Also, Visari likely had no reason to fear a coup from Stahl, so even though authoritarian states like Nazi Germany and the USSR wouldn't allow for PMCs, so Stahl being allowed to have a moderately powerful private army isn't that outlandish, especially if you believe that the Helghast don't have strict gun control.
Overall good start with minimal errors.

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