12/28/2022 c1 Xenodoxidis Nikolas
New chapter please

6/1/2021 c1 1Voidborne II
"nobody ask for this shit smh god this turn into dogshit ya know what never mind just unfollow this shit what a fkcing mess this is more dogshit than the GOT ending AOT ending combine nobody ask for this fkcing drama that the writer just forcefully shoving to everyones throat i shouldn't have wasted my fkcing time reading this fkcing hell the regret is pissing me off️️"

"just unfollow the dude i recommend you guys read some other works that is better than this writer"

Here, I sent you back your comments from Fate: In Time. They are perfect for describing all of your stories, especially they are all quite shitty.

8/10/2020 c1 darkzer01269
Historia que tiene bastante potencial autor retoma la historia

6/26/2020 c1 Chrome Fate
4 years & no update the story have potential

10/16/2017 c1 Guest
I'm sorry is all I have to say to you, you insulted the author and story of Silent people are sometimes dangerous. By saying that you wasted your time reading their story. However, you have no right to say that, when your own story isn't or might I say much worse then theirs. What you said on their story wasn't constructive criticism but was instead a flame and rant. You might say that you want a op tsuna but your story isn't any better. Your story is extremely choppy and there are so so so many grammar mistakes(not the Chinese honorific cause that's a totally different story, and I have the right to say as I'm Chinese and much more well versed in the language then you are) the way you explain and present the story is very messy, I can feel that you're rushing the story and the line breaks are all off. The way the story is being told is very inconsistent skipping from place to place and don't( I freaking swear say that your a amateur writer) cause you dare to flame the author which implies you're a good enough writer or have enough experience to give"constructive criticism "(even though any one can give it but you're just saying how shitty their writing is).

10/1/2017 c1 SlightlyPeeved
I came here in the hope that, despite the formatting on the reviews that you have a tendency to leave (or perhaps I should say the complete lack of proper formatting), you would have a story under your belt of a high enough quality that I could respect your opinions about the stories that other people have put considerable effort into.
Instead, I'm forced to air my grievances through a review, which is a form of shame all in itself.
But before I decided to embarrass myself by typing up something that is likely to be deleted if you are at all capable of it, I will first review what you've written. This review will follow my chronological experience through your attempt.

The first hint that I wouldn't enjoy this story was your summary. Surprisingly, it wasn't your misspelling of universe (you wrote 'universed') that gave it away, but it was instead your capitalization of the first letter of NEET, but not the rest. While I'm used to dealing with low-quality spelling (I have read what toddlers have proudly written for me, after all), I was forced to stop and think about how other acronyms would look like that.
Instead of CIA, it would be Cia, making it sound less like a professional organization of considerable importance to the American government, and sounding more like a villain from Legend of Zelda (which, in your format, would have been abbreviated as 'Loz', which is a name I would not be surprised to see as a monster in that same series).
Following this point, you end your sentence and move on to the next, ignoring the capitalization of the first word, but if I allow myself to be hung up on your every moment of improper spelling, then I will be greeting the morning songs of birds with nothing but a tired, sleepless groan.
Following the joke about the pronunciation of Gáe Bolg (though, as I recall, the accent over the 'a' should have it be pronounced 'Guy' rather than 'Gay'), I opened the story with a solid expectation of a story that lacked proper formatting, correct spelling, comprehensible grammar, a determinable purpose, or relatable characters.
However, before I elaborate on how I was correct in all regards, I will instead take a moment to highlight the fact that the 92nd, 93rd, and 94th words (line 5, words 12-14) that you wrote in this story were "please don't flame".
If I were not running on so little sleep right now that writing this review seems like a good idea, I would probably laugh at the level of hypocrisy you've displayed in the first 100 words. I do wish that there was a way for me to see more of your reviews, as I'm entirely sure that you've flamed several stories already, especially considering the reviews on your other story. However, I am instead forced to soldier on and keep going.
Special shout-out goes to how you spelled 'Chinese' as 'chineese' (line 2, word 7); I physically cringed at the sight of that, which is a special 'honor' that is not forced out of me very often.
On the upside, though, I've now made it out of the Author's Note.
On the downside, I still have the rest to write about, and we are off to a wonderful start for someone spite-writing at 3 AM.
In line 12, you state that Killua has been bullied since a young age, as he was a NEET. This means that, since a young age, he has been Not in Education, Employment, or Training (which is what NEET stands for, something that I would hope you knew if hope hadn't already died within me). However, that raises the question of 'how?'
Specifically, how is it that Killua has been outside of education since "a young age" (line 12, words 7-9) if, in Japan, schooling is required by law until tenth grade, which is usually completed at the age of 15? It could be that your definition of '"a young age" is entirely different from my own, but by your statement of Killua being "older than 18 year's old" (line 11, words 3-7), I had thought that he was between the ages of 19 and 21. I could be horribly mistaken, and he's a mid-20s NEET that spends his cash of inexplicable origin on video games at the Electric Town; however, that doesn't feel accurate to what I assume was your attempt to describe his age.
Additionally, while I will commend your ability to spell "Akihabara" (line 11, word 17), I am forced to wonder how much you know of the location. As someone who spends altogether too much time examining and analyzing otaku culture, I find that depictions of real life locations that are highly impactful to that culture can be fun and interesting, but all that was explored of the idea was that Killua bought a game. It felt like you were squandering an opportunity in referring to such a renowned location by name, only to cast it aside as if it were merely a narrative token that's lost its worth. Perhaps, however, I am merely setting my sights too high, and should lower my standards a bit; it's unfair to expect an accurate depiction of such a famous city in fanfiction, after all. Or, to expect any form of elaboration at all, really.
This is when Killua is hit by a truck. I legitimately didn't care as the impact came about, but I that comes as no surprise; if this were the first episode, then just as with the first episode of KonoSuba, it makes sense that I wasn't too interested in a character dying by being hit by a car and being transported to a fantasy world.
Of course, KonoSuba did many things right in its execution, especially in its depiction of the main character as being somewhat of a dunce and helping to characterize him, which I did not see in this. To be fair, there was almost a moment of characterization in that Killua had a regret that he didn't say goodbye to his mother (line 17, word 20-34)... But not only do I have no feelings towards the mother, I also don't see why this was included in the first place, save for a desperate attempt at comedy that fell flatter than a two-dimensional object in a three-dimensional plane.
But hey, at least we've begun our Isekai adventure, right? This is where the story is supposed to start picking up! I mean, the opening was actually two lines shorter than the author's note, but... Wait, was I about to start complaining that this story is too short? Never mind, I'm glad to be moving on.

Next, with our entrance into another world, we're greeted with our character figuring out that he's been reborn in a single line. A single line that opens with Killua saying, "Opening my eyes i saw a small hands", which makes no sense that he's the one saying it, reminds me that some people don't capitalize their 'i's, and that it is still incredibly painful as a fan of grammar to see someone use 'a' while referring to something that's plural.
After this, we get a nice info dump. Generally speaking, I'm a fan of info dumps. However, the ones I enjoy tend to be well-structured and chock-full of information that is delivered in an interesting method or by an interesting character. Instead, we get a line of dialogue, which is directly followed by a form of audience-directed dialogue to explain the broad strokes of the world, which is delivered in multiple smaller lines, only to be directly followed by a massive chunk of text that really makes me wonder if this entire story was written in Notepad before being copy-pasted directly into the site.
I'll give you a free pass on the 'pupiless-red eyes' (line 29, words 5-6) given that it's possible for that to be normal in this world, which is one that I don't know much about. In fact, if the goal was to give the character an unsettling air with the large amount of description juxtaposing the normal detail-dry story, thus dehumanizing him and making him more difficult to relate to, then I commend you in doing well.
Next, let's examine how the next line of dialogue to arrive (line 31, words 1-22) is followed with "Thought Killua" (line 31, words 23-24). However, none of this dialogue was italicized, despite the author's note clearly using a legend to show that, when a person's thoughts are being represented in text, that text will be italicized. There is literally no purpose to having that legend if that the dialogue does not correspond to it, in the same way that a roadmap possesses no purpose if the map-maker didn't bother using real roads in its creation.
I admit that I'm overreacting, though, as you do manage to maintain that general pattern more often than not in the later portions of the story.
Then, we reach the idea that, somehow, this character just inexplicably has Bazette's Command Seal (line 32, words 7-8). Not Command Seals, oddly enough; sure, she actually possessed three at the time of losing her arm, but the idea of them being referred to as a singular entity is not the most unbelievable thing in these next few lines, so we'll move on to the idea that, somehow, Killua both possesses and is capable of sealing (using the command seal) the legendary Gáe Bolg (line 33, words 16-27). Since Command Seals do not have that functionality in the original material, and were in fact incapable of being used directly on Noble Phantasms given that they only applied to the Servant that used it, it's probably safe to assume that you took some 'creative liberties' in your construction of this story.
Next, I'm left to wonder how Killua manages to just 'get' the skills and abilities of both Cu Chulainn and Bazette in their respective styles, as well as how he's able to use Reinforcement thaumaturgy (not Magic, which is what Zelretch and Aoko use) (line 35, words 1-15).
Also, while I'm not expecting an explanation on how Killua got these weapons and abilities, given that even he has no idea how he got them (line 35, words 16-25), I would still like to know what you mean by Killua's "swinging resulted in . . . a shock-wave" (line 37-38, words 21-23 & 1-2). Did Gáe Bolg reject him somehow? Is it too powerful to be held in his hands? Wouldn't creating shockwaves with your attacks be a good thing?
And I understand that you meant that Killua damaged the tree considerably when you say he 'dented' it (line 44, word 10), but denting isn't something that occurs with trees. They can crack, splinter, and even crater, but denting involves caving in without penetration, which is something that metals have a tendency to do, but which trees tend not to.

Well, congratulations. You managed to break me, and I'm giving up on keeping track of line and word counts. Counting the individual words is actually managing to make this take even longer, with what I've written already eating up an hour of time that I could've spent sleeping, so I'll just allow this review to dive deeper into a rant of debauched sleep-deprivation and spite-writing.

I have a particular disdain towards the usage of 'sweatdropped' being used as a term in writing. It's a visual cue that's hard to translate into text without it feeling forced and uncomfortable, which is pretty much how it felt to me to see it make an appearance in response to Boqin's antics.
Also, I've given up on counting how many times you used apostrophes to indicate pluralization, but it's an improper use thereof. When making a noun plural, you should not have any need for apostrophes; those are used for representing possession and contractions.

And why is it that these people seem to have no idea what a combat-oriented knife is? They refer to it as a kitchen knife, but a dirk looks nothing like any sort of blade that belongs in a kitchen. The thin, triangular blade of the dirk is poorly suited for the kind of cuts you'd need for cutting into food, and is instead designed for slipping in between a person's ribs for a quick kill. The form of it is certainly more indicative of killing than cooking, but I'll admit to that being more of an opinion than anything.
Oh, and also, why does Killua have a compatibility with the Hassan? Or is it another thing to be hand-waved away, similar to the Gáe Bolg and Bazette's Multi-Reverse Punch style? And why does he have "the highest Essence lvl a person can reach when their spirit is awakened" right from the start? I am a fan of powerful main characters, but not without explanation, and not for power's sake.

Another thing that bothers me is that, when Boqin talks to Killua about how his parents would be proud of him, he says that they "will" be proud of him, which made me stop, scroll back up, and confirm that yes, they were actually dead. I had not misread that.

The following parts of the story end up being filled with mostly just the same errors that I've already nit-picked on, such as inheriting skills without explanation and getting incredibly skilled incredibly fast with a similarly nonexistent explanation.

However, then we hit a trope that bothers me far more than it should when Killua is stopped by a gatekeeper who doubts the authenticity of a literally un-fakable certificate, which he even states to know can't be faked, at which point a higher-ranked person comes around, recognizes that this main character is totally legit and chastises the guard for doing something that makes no narrative sense because it's what was written, and for no other discernible reason. Not only that, but Killua looks down on everyone else as "brats" and is far beyond them, practicing with his weapons in secret while his teachers praise his incredible skill but never seem to follow-up with an examination on just how he's becoming so strong so quickly.

Also, why does Killua state that he knows what Spirit Beast he'll be hunting to power up his Dirk (which isn't in quotes, let alone italicized) before getting shocked quickly about the Spirit Beast that arrives? Is that not the Spirit Beast that he was looking for?
And when he fights it, he clearly makes it sound like he's going to die if he tries to absorb the ring of the Diamond-Web Camellian Spider, but that if he's special enough, he'll be fine... After which, he's totally fine.

...Oh, look. I finished it.
I want to be happy about this, but I'm not. I wanted to enjoy it, or at least enjoy making fun of it, but it wasn't even fun in the latter regard. Instead, I'll just give a few basic pieces of advice:

1: Your spelling would benefit a good deal from using SpellCheck of some kind. I don't know what kind of text editor you use, but most word processors more advanced than Notepad usually have some form of it. I believe Microsoft Word and Open Office both also have a grammar checker, which would be similarly beneficial.
2: Your pacing is rather wild, bouncing around quickly with little semblance of reason. Especially due to your use of line breaks during the 'explanation' of Killua's power in the examination, the story drags heavily there and feels clunky. Breaking it apart like that can prevent flow in the scene and the dialogue. Also, be mindful of the length of each of your lines; shorter, snappier sentences are more suited to fast action, while longer sentences and paragraphs are well-suited to slower, more expositional scenes.
3: Your main character doesn't feel very relatable. All that we really know about him is that he has a lot of incredible powers and that he might seem to care for his mother (who also appears to be an enabler and likely his monetary support that allows for his habit of shutting himself away from the world). Humanizing him with flaws and personality traits would go a long way to making him a character that a reader can be invested in. Having him lose consciousness against the Spirit Beast and thus 'losing' the fight doesn't really count, since there's no real side-effect to it. He just wakes up and immediately gets his power boost from the ring.

Ultimately, there are a lot of flaws to the story, but despite that, it's not so bad that I can enjoy hating it, which is probably a good thing. I'm not particularly interested in the subject, the characters, or in the execution, but it seems like it's something that you enjoyed writing. Despite the fact that the quality of the overall story is low, or perhaps because of it, it becomes obvious that this couldn't have been written unless you felt strong enough about the subject to sit down and write. That should always be something to be proud of, no matter what results from the story. Given how long it's been since it was updated, it's unlikely that this will receive a continuation of any sort, but having read some of the reviews, I know that there are people who would be happy to see it and enjoy reading it.

Thanks for writing something, especially something in a category that doesn't seem to have a lot of authors. However, now that we've finished with my review of your story, it's time for those grievances I mentioned at the beginning of all of this.

Flaming people is not constructive. Telling them to die, calling them cancer, instructing them to get AIDS, calling them names, and cussing them out in your reviews is more than just insulting, it's downright hurtful. It prevents adequate dialogue that can help people become better at writing; if you can't speak with them in a manner that facilitates growth, then why speak with them at all? Is it to make them feel bad for writing something, for trying to make something and put it out there? Is it an attempt to say, "This thing that you put your heart into is bad, and you should feel bad for even trying"?
I wouldn't be surprised if you figured out who's leaving this review considering the timing, but I left it unsigned because there's a part of me that just isn't comfortable with this entire thing, from your review to even my own. I tried to send you a PM, hoping that I'd be able to speak with you about what it was that caused so much vitriol and maybe try to learn and grow as a writer, but that venue was blocked when I saw that I was blocked from sending any such message.
Despite this, I don't mind. I managed to find a way to vent my frustrations, which is good enough for me. I've been writing this review of 3235 words for over two hours now, and I just want to finally sleep.
I hope you have a pleasant life, Grim24, and that you're kind enough to avoid involving me in it again in such an insulting manner.

2/10/2017 c1 Guest
PLEASE UPDATE!