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12/11/2018 c1 Guest
jaja y asi le ganas a un zorro esquivo jaja
11/21/2018 c1 Guest
y asi atrapas a tu depredador como novio jaja
4/9/2018 c1 Guest
zorro escurridiso
5/20/2017 c1 1OnyxSpell
One thing I liked was the card allurement with the folding and calling and all that. I think it was a cool addition. The thing that needs to improve though is the transition between scenes. Just saying scene break is confusing and makes it hard for the reader to understand. Make it crystal clear the idea you are trying to convey. You know, but we don't
8/27/2016 c1 4everamore143
8/21/2016 c1 Tr2085xo
This is a ver good story, just need to get better in the scene transistion. and i hope it isnt over yet..
8/11/2016 c1 jamdea
Great story. An original angle.
8/10/2016 c1 22Jarel Kortan
leaving a mid way review as I will finish reading after work. but have to say while I like where the story is going and enjoying it. I have to say the scene breaks are making it difficult to get through. I realize hour changing to a new scene but I would suggest just sticking with some kind of transition. that leads us into what the scene will be or something. any kind of clue as to what is happening in context to the rest of the story. like what relation one scene has to another in the context of the time line.
8/10/2016 c1 GUNSLINGER99
This was nice, I've been reading too many angst fill fanfics
8/10/2016 c1 13VampireHunterSephiroth200
Beautiful. That's the only way I can describe this piece.

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