for Taskforce Alpha1/3/2017 c5 
6StarsMagic
Yet another awesome chapter! I can't wait to see what brilliant character development you bring next! Update soon!
6StarsMagicYet another awesome chapter! I can't wait to see what brilliant character development you bring next! Update soon!
12/1/2016 c3 C.L. Sparrowhawk
Fun fact about ch 5 btw xD My birthday is March 18 so that was pretty cool to read lol
Fun fact about ch 5 btw xD My birthday is March 18 so that was pretty cool to read lol
12/1/2016 c5 C.L. Sparrowhawk
Sooooooooo glad you're back! You're wayyy too talented to give up on this lovely epic. Really enjoyed getting back to alpha, but I gotta say that you give 0 this scrappy spunk, and even without Filo, I thoroughly enjoy their dynamic. Very excited about the cameos and where we are headed! Glad you like my character, I tried to make him interesting, and you rule at writing him. Helena is one of the best OC's I've ever encountered. So dark but cute and funny. And Ellie is lovely and a lot more rational than most Fanfic characters. I dig the vibe I'm getting from her Filo. And no need to apologize for writer's block, especially with college goin on. That sucks up almost as much time as it does money :P
Sooooooooo glad you're back! You're wayyy too talented to give up on this lovely epic. Really enjoyed getting back to alpha, but I gotta say that you give 0 this scrappy spunk, and even without Filo, I thoroughly enjoy their dynamic. Very excited about the cameos and where we are headed! Glad you like my character, I tried to make him interesting, and you rule at writing him. Helena is one of the best OC's I've ever encountered. So dark but cute and funny. And Ellie is lovely and a lot more rational than most Fanfic characters. I dig the vibe I'm getting from her Filo. And no need to apologize for writer's block, especially with college goin on. That sucks up almost as much time as it does money :P
11/29/2016 c5 4DeathDealer Inc
Yay.
Now I tell you, I do not ordinary 'yay'. But this is a big yay
Cons
1) A lot of the things about the characters is starting to seem more like informed attributes. Like we're told that they are one way, but this doesn't match up with what they act like so we're only going by faith that it's actually part of their character. Possible reason is that at the moment, we're only seeing the protagonists in a high-stress scenario where they aren't acting like themselves. In order to see how they operate, it would require them to be in a scenario where they are stressed, but not so much that they aren't thinking straight.
2) Jacob is kind of acting like the broody 'I work alone' archetype that I was specifically trying to avoid by giving him the facade of a secretive yet overall polite and amicable gentleman. Part of it is, there's just too much internal monologue. It goes back to the 'informed attribute' problem, you can say that he's secretive and hard to figure out, but that doesn't mean a whole lot because we're seeing inside his head so we know exactly what he's like. There are some characters that, in order to be engaging, need to be portrayed solely from an outsider's perspective.
3) It feels like the whole inter-service rivalry really came out of left field. I mean, we were planning birthday parties and being family just a few chapters ago, where did all this hostility come from?
Pros
1) There are interesting plot threads being developed here. Taskforce Alpha's introduction to the world being met with speculation and controversy, that's cool. The hint that White is keeping a secret about Taskforce 0 and how all is not what it seems, that's cool. The building up of a big showdown between the two taskforces, that's cool. You're good at coming up with story threads with potential.
2) Lydia continues to warm the cold decrepit stone I have instead of a heart. Especially her little chat with Lyrik. She's just cute as a button. It also chips away at the stone seeing her slowly being worn down by all the pressure of having to deal with all the chaos around her.
3) You were able to convey the mood well enough. The characters are feeling frustrated and a little bit depressed, gasping for air, and that is portrayed well to the audience since I felt a bit of the same way while reading.
Key points: Less is more, always give 'just' not quite enough insight to remain engaging. And develop the plots with a consistent tone, no rapid changes unless they have a clear reason for happening.
4DeathDealer IncYay.
Now I tell you, I do not ordinary 'yay'. But this is a big yay
Cons
1) A lot of the things about the characters is starting to seem more like informed attributes. Like we're told that they are one way, but this doesn't match up with what they act like so we're only going by faith that it's actually part of their character. Possible reason is that at the moment, we're only seeing the protagonists in a high-stress scenario where they aren't acting like themselves. In order to see how they operate, it would require them to be in a scenario where they are stressed, but not so much that they aren't thinking straight.
2) Jacob is kind of acting like the broody 'I work alone' archetype that I was specifically trying to avoid by giving him the facade of a secretive yet overall polite and amicable gentleman. Part of it is, there's just too much internal monologue. It goes back to the 'informed attribute' problem, you can say that he's secretive and hard to figure out, but that doesn't mean a whole lot because we're seeing inside his head so we know exactly what he's like. There are some characters that, in order to be engaging, need to be portrayed solely from an outsider's perspective.
3) It feels like the whole inter-service rivalry really came out of left field. I mean, we were planning birthday parties and being family just a few chapters ago, where did all this hostility come from?
Pros
1) There are interesting plot threads being developed here. Taskforce Alpha's introduction to the world being met with speculation and controversy, that's cool. The hint that White is keeping a secret about Taskforce 0 and how all is not what it seems, that's cool. The building up of a big showdown between the two taskforces, that's cool. You're good at coming up with story threads with potential.
2) Lydia continues to warm the cold decrepit stone I have instead of a heart. Especially her little chat with Lyrik. She's just cute as a button. It also chips away at the stone seeing her slowly being worn down by all the pressure of having to deal with all the chaos around her.
3) You were able to convey the mood well enough. The characters are feeling frustrated and a little bit depressed, gasping for air, and that is portrayed well to the audience since I felt a bit of the same way while reading.
Key points: Less is more, always give 'just' not quite enough insight to remain engaging. And develop the plots with a consistent tone, no rapid changes unless they have a clear reason for happening.
11/29/2016 c5 1grimbutnotalways
Oh...
YESSSSS! You have no idea how happy I am that this story isn't being abandon. Woke up at four in the morning all groggy and tired, saw this. Immediately awake. Anyway, are those specific reporters at every superhero related story? How can they be so many places so fast... Oh wait. As for the fighting, I'll be honest, did not see that coming. Sure the ground and logistics elements have been separated but they are really going at it. Lyric and Lydia were totally adorable this chapter, and I was surprised Shaun was going along with this fighting. I guess it makes sense that he'd defend his friends though. I am super excited to see taskforce 0 meet taskforce 1. I feel like it is 100% going to start and or end with a fight though which would be awesome. I was expecting to hear a little more from the press conference after all it was built up to be but other than that there weren't any noticeable flaws that I can think of.
So, in summary, thank god you didn't give up on this story.
1grimbutnotalwaysOh...
YESSSSS! You have no idea how happy I am that this story isn't being abandon. Woke up at four in the morning all groggy and tired, saw this. Immediately awake. Anyway, are those specific reporters at every superhero related story? How can they be so many places so fast... Oh wait. As for the fighting, I'll be honest, did not see that coming. Sure the ground and logistics elements have been separated but they are really going at it. Lyric and Lydia were totally adorable this chapter, and I was surprised Shaun was going along with this fighting. I guess it makes sense that he'd defend his friends though. I am super excited to see taskforce 0 meet taskforce 1. I feel like it is 100% going to start and or end with a fight though which would be awesome. I was expecting to hear a little more from the press conference after all it was built up to be but other than that there weren't any noticeable flaws that I can think of.
So, in summary, thank god you didn't give up on this story.
11/28/2016 c5 2ObieSenpai
Yo, I just had writers block. It sure does suck.
Well, glad you posted again, really brought a smile to my face.
A fued!? Kinda saw it coming, and I love it! And Akihiko is tge leader of the Logistic's fued attack? Yes!
And wow, Taskforce 0 going AWOL, people of Alpha are going to be pissed when they find out.
Anyway, thanks for posting again. I loved all the drama that happened here, and the cameos! The lovely cameos!
Hope you post again soon!
2ObieSenpaiYo, I just had writers block. It sure does suck.
Well, glad you posted again, really brought a smile to my face.
A fued!? Kinda saw it coming, and I love it! And Akihiko is tge leader of the Logistic's fued attack? Yes!
And wow, Taskforce 0 going AWOL, people of Alpha are going to be pissed when they find out.
Anyway, thanks for posting again. I loved all the drama that happened here, and the cameos! The lovely cameos!
Hope you post again soon!
11/28/2016 c5 ThatPachirisuGuy
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! X3 SO MANY FEELS! sorry for the outburst, it was just my response to this amazing chapter! I hope things between the team members get fixed :(, I hate seeing them fight. so Lyrik has self esteem issues? awww, poor thing, but he trusts Lydia(~shipping intensifies~) and their scene was just too CUTE! and the 0 team's concern for the new team is awesome as well. Can't wait to see them interact!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! X3 SO MANY FEELS! sorry for the outburst, it was just my response to this amazing chapter! I hope things between the team members get fixed :(, I hate seeing them fight. so Lyrik has self esteem issues? awww, poor thing, but he trusts Lydia(~shipping intensifies~) and their scene was just too CUTE! and the 0 team's concern for the new team is awesome as well. Can't wait to see them interact!
11/28/2016 c5 34W. R. Winters
That was a very nice scene between Lyrik and Lydia, gave me lots of feels. I really think they compliment eachother well.
Keep up the good work
34W. R. WintersThat was a very nice scene between Lyrik and Lydia, gave me lots of feels. I really think they compliment eachother well.
Keep up the good work
11/28/2016 c5 1Rosemarie Benson
I like the chapter, but I'd like to see a chapter focused on who the characters are as human beings, and specifically a chapter showing Ginny's autism and how it affects her and how she defines autism.
1Rosemarie BensonI like the chapter, but I'd like to see a chapter focused on who the characters are as human beings, and specifically a chapter showing Ginny's autism and how it affects her and how she defines autism.
11/24/2016 c4 The Men In Black
This story was amazingly well done most of the time with SYOC stories I need to have a character to be interested but in this case I can get really invested even without. I really love military stuff, it puts a nice spin on the Teen Titans formula with having them be government sponsored. I feel like military superheroes don't get enough representation these days, it's a cool angle.
This is really one of the few stories I can get really invested in, I really hope you continue since I think you did something really cool here
This story was amazingly well done most of the time with SYOC stories I need to have a character to be interested but in this case I can get really invested even without. I really love military stuff, it puts a nice spin on the Teen Titans formula with having them be government sponsored. I feel like military superheroes don't get enough representation these days, it's a cool angle.
This is really one of the few stories I can get really invested in, I really hope you continue since I think you did something really cool here
9/28/2016 c4 OJWawa
You write very well and Ellie was exactly as I pictured her in my head! Super stroked with how great this story is and I can't wait to see more. I think Lydia and Muru would be interesting and I think that Ellie and Filo would be interesting
You write very well and Ellie was exactly as I pictured her in my head! Super stroked with how great this story is and I can't wait to see more. I think Lydia and Muru would be interesting and I think that Ellie and Filo would be interesting
9/28/2016 c4 ThatGuy222
Great chapter! Sorry for the late review! Grace and Christopher were perfect! I'm so excited for the anti-heroes. They're so interesting and kind of mysterious. And their origin story reminds me a little of suicide squad. Super excited for the next chapter!
Great chapter! Sorry for the late review! Grace and Christopher were perfect! I'm so excited for the anti-heroes. They're so interesting and kind of mysterious. And their origin story reminds me a little of suicide squad. Super excited for the next chapter!
9/18/2016 c4 1NitroTheKidd88
I apologize for my late review, but you did a great job on this chapter! The antiheros were well-introduced, and their quirks, powers/skills, and backstories were touched upon without it seeming crammed in there. I also liked how this former[?] military team's dynamics worked, and how different their training was from the Taskforce. They contrast themselves in terms of budget, characteristics, and tone- which is a nice touch.
As always, keep up the good work!
1NitroTheKidd88I apologize for my late review, but you did a great job on this chapter! The antiheros were well-introduced, and their quirks, powers/skills, and backstories were touched upon without it seeming crammed in there. I also liked how this former[?] military team's dynamics worked, and how different their training was from the Taskforce. They contrast themselves in terms of budget, characteristics, and tone- which is a nice touch.
As always, keep up the good work!
9/13/2016 c4 6StarsMagic
It was nice to get to know the anti heroes this chapter! They were all so unique it was really great to read! I think that it's going to be really interesting if you have the anti-heroes met the taskforce because I feel like there'd be a lot of conflict there! I think my favorite antihero is probably Ellie, she reminds me of Raven kind of and I love Raven so... Anyway, can't wait to see what you do next with the taskforce! Update soon!
6StarsMagicIt was nice to get to know the anti heroes this chapter! They were all so unique it was really great to read! I think that it's going to be really interesting if you have the anti-heroes met the taskforce because I feel like there'd be a lot of conflict there! I think my favorite antihero is probably Ellie, she reminds me of Raven kind of and I love Raven so... Anyway, can't wait to see what you do next with the taskforce! Update soon!