for From Knight to Hollow12/24/2016 c1 Guest
This is bad.
This is bad.
8/12/2016 c1 
7VariousStories
Aight, imma leave my review... granted its short, so there's not a lot I can debate about, but any fanfic in the RWBY/Bleach fandom is welcomed.
Firstly you need to use quotation marks. This is vital to nearly every fanfiction, story, even in normal English. Secondly, I highly doubt Jaune would just up and 'hate' Weiss because she decided to start dating someone. Its OOC, doesn't fit his character and is overall a bit far-fetched. Thirdly grammar needs a pretty big overhaul, since many words were misspelled, although this could be dismissed if you're not a native English speaker or of a younger age.
Fourthly, a time skip after a mere 53 words? I'd hope for some description of the atmosphere, the expressions on their faces, how Jaune feels about this, not just him shrugging, completely nonchalant with going with Weiss (who he apparently hates) and Cardin (who he hates). More over, why are they even going? Weiss isn't a team leader and CRDL aren't friends with Team RWBY or JNPR, thus making the inclusion of Cardin completely random. If it was Team RWBY, JNPR and CRDL, it would be more understandable, not just one random team member from each.
Honeslty, that's it? Seven sentences, less than two hundreds words to describe getting in a Bullhead, taking off, flying there, finding a hotspot, fighting, and then apparently dying. On that note, Jaune is the weakest member of Team JNPR and arguably of the entire school year, why is he wandering off on his own? Again, why was he and two others just sent out? No explanation why, just 'oh hey I pulled your names out of a hat, have fun.'
Hold on, Weiss stabs him? I believe you are horrifically misreading the situation between Weiss and Jaune in canon, and if this is different from canon relations, shouldn't you explain that or give some backstory, not just have Weiss up and stab a fellow classmate and pseudo-friend, leaving him to the Grimm.
Also, a voice suddenly pops out of thin air and Jaune transforms into Ichigo's Vasto Lorde form. Firstly, that's Ichigo's form, more specifically Hollow Ichigo's form, thus unless Jaune is the reincarnation of Ichigo that's impossible. Secondly, if he was to transform into a full hollow I HIGHLY doubt he'd retain full awareness and sentience. Thirdly, HOW does he know what he looks like, does he have a portable mirror on him? No? Then how can he intimately make out every detail?
So Jaune suddenly goes murderous and kills Weiss and Cardin. Well I highly doubt he can ever be a Huntsmen anymore because he's literally killed two fellow Hunters. If he tried to use the excuse they attacked him, what proof did he have? His word? Its null. Also, Cardin pleading for his life, really? I understand Cardin's character, but that's way too far off the scale. Also, since he killed Weiss, I'm pretty sure his relationship with the rest of Team RWBY is now void, since he killed their cherished teammate. I'm assuming you REALLY don't like Weiss or Cardin.
Also, how did Jaune know how to use a Cero, let alone the NAME? He's fully sentient, so he should be out of his depth entirely. If it was instinct, then SAY it was instinct guiding him, write it as the knowledge flew into his mind and he acted upon it, not that he knew what everything was beforehand. Also... what? Jaune, a barely-skilled knight who suddenly turns into Ichigo's hollow form, breaking the laws of the canon universe, possesses the ability to PULL OUT THE SOULS OF TWO OF HIS DEAD CLASSMATES AND PUT THEM INSIDE GRIMM AND MAKE THEM ARRANCAR.
Another thing, why? He hated their guts, they tried to kill him, then HE killed them, but now he suddenly lets them join his 'team'. He doesn't even know what a hollow is, since they don't exist in RWBY, nor was the 'voice' informing him of such.
God... I know I may have ranted a bit, maybe crushed your soul under the rather harsh words, but seriously, this needs a rather drastic redo. Its not even 500 words long and I've found more problems than I have in a 10,000 word chapter.
7VariousStoriesAight, imma leave my review... granted its short, so there's not a lot I can debate about, but any fanfic in the RWBY/Bleach fandom is welcomed.
Firstly you need to use quotation marks. This is vital to nearly every fanfiction, story, even in normal English. Secondly, I highly doubt Jaune would just up and 'hate' Weiss because she decided to start dating someone. Its OOC, doesn't fit his character and is overall a bit far-fetched. Thirdly grammar needs a pretty big overhaul, since many words were misspelled, although this could be dismissed if you're not a native English speaker or of a younger age.
Fourthly, a time skip after a mere 53 words? I'd hope for some description of the atmosphere, the expressions on their faces, how Jaune feels about this, not just him shrugging, completely nonchalant with going with Weiss (who he apparently hates) and Cardin (who he hates). More over, why are they even going? Weiss isn't a team leader and CRDL aren't friends with Team RWBY or JNPR, thus making the inclusion of Cardin completely random. If it was Team RWBY, JNPR and CRDL, it would be more understandable, not just one random team member from each.
Honeslty, that's it? Seven sentences, less than two hundreds words to describe getting in a Bullhead, taking off, flying there, finding a hotspot, fighting, and then apparently dying. On that note, Jaune is the weakest member of Team JNPR and arguably of the entire school year, why is he wandering off on his own? Again, why was he and two others just sent out? No explanation why, just 'oh hey I pulled your names out of a hat, have fun.'
Hold on, Weiss stabs him? I believe you are horrifically misreading the situation between Weiss and Jaune in canon, and if this is different from canon relations, shouldn't you explain that or give some backstory, not just have Weiss up and stab a fellow classmate and pseudo-friend, leaving him to the Grimm.
Also, a voice suddenly pops out of thin air and Jaune transforms into Ichigo's Vasto Lorde form. Firstly, that's Ichigo's form, more specifically Hollow Ichigo's form, thus unless Jaune is the reincarnation of Ichigo that's impossible. Secondly, if he was to transform into a full hollow I HIGHLY doubt he'd retain full awareness and sentience. Thirdly, HOW does he know what he looks like, does he have a portable mirror on him? No? Then how can he intimately make out every detail?
So Jaune suddenly goes murderous and kills Weiss and Cardin. Well I highly doubt he can ever be a Huntsmen anymore because he's literally killed two fellow Hunters. If he tried to use the excuse they attacked him, what proof did he have? His word? Its null. Also, Cardin pleading for his life, really? I understand Cardin's character, but that's way too far off the scale. Also, since he killed Weiss, I'm pretty sure his relationship with the rest of Team RWBY is now void, since he killed their cherished teammate. I'm assuming you REALLY don't like Weiss or Cardin.
Also, how did Jaune know how to use a Cero, let alone the NAME? He's fully sentient, so he should be out of his depth entirely. If it was instinct, then SAY it was instinct guiding him, write it as the knowledge flew into his mind and he acted upon it, not that he knew what everything was beforehand. Also... what? Jaune, a barely-skilled knight who suddenly turns into Ichigo's hollow form, breaking the laws of the canon universe, possesses the ability to PULL OUT THE SOULS OF TWO OF HIS DEAD CLASSMATES AND PUT THEM INSIDE GRIMM AND MAKE THEM ARRANCAR.
Another thing, why? He hated their guts, they tried to kill him, then HE killed them, but now he suddenly lets them join his 'team'. He doesn't even know what a hollow is, since they don't exist in RWBY, nor was the 'voice' informing him of such.
God... I know I may have ranted a bit, maybe crushed your soul under the rather harsh words, but seriously, this needs a rather drastic redo. Its not even 500 words long and I've found more problems than I have in a 10,000 word chapter.