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for Gem in the apocalypse

1/13/2018 c4 18Churchisalive
Thank you, someone else who says black, it's just a term people
1/12/2017 c5 1Boriva
Honestly, there are some incorrect grammar and misused words. Sorry to sound like a jerk but it's true. Try practice writing before typing on the computer.
12/25/2016 c5 Talk2Me
I should have done this from the beginning, but I will now say something. You really need to talk to me more. I may seem like a stranger now, but know you have talked to me before. As such, I will contact you when I can so we can actually get improvements done.
11/14/2016 c4 Porter
This story is bad and you should feel bad
8/18/2016 c2 Pyrocumulonimbus
You cannot ask someone else to write a story for you, its against site rules.
8/18/2016 c1 8SlayerOfTears
Yeah, the review you talked about was right, this is actually unreadable. The concept almost has promise, but there's no point to it if you can't make it interesting or seem interesting.

For starters, the pacing is once again awful. You might as well name this chapter "Well, that escalated quickly", as it perfectly describes what I read. There's no punctuation, no commas, no apostrophes, nothing that makes it easy to read.

You switch from third person to first person as Ruby's dying, and since you didn't bother separating your notes from the story itself, I had to reread the chapter before I figured it out.

My recommendations are the same as they are in your other fic: Beta Reader to fix your mistakes, read other RWBY fics with a similar setting to get a grasp of how they feel, utilize proper grammar and punctuation, use italics for character thoughts, and NEVER switch the POV mid-chapter, or even at all.

One final word of advice: If you respond to criticism by lashing out at the reviewer, whether it be in the notes of a chapter or in a PM, then you shouldn't be writing period. Your work is going to get criticized. That's how this website works, that's how writing works. You take the criticism, and you improve yourself based off it. If you can't, then you're not cut out to be a writer. That's the simple truth.

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