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for Ignis

4/24/2018 c2 41WyldClaw
That was a fabulous chapter
4/20/2018 c5 P
It was great I know it's been a long time but I'd love an update
12/31/2017 c5 ThisBadge
So I really love this fic, and I hope that you update soon. Though I honestly love fire-types a little more than I probably should, Growlithe is one of my favorite.

There are a couple of grammatical errors, but either a more thorough editing process or a good beta would iron those out.

Can't wait to find out what is in the egg.
5/31/2017 c5 ScottSthero
Great last chapter. I really like Eli and how supportive he is. Erika was also portrayed very well. When Ignis said "Ember" I was so hyped; great one liner right there. Can't wait for the next chapter see ya then!
5/23/2017 c5 1SighDuck
Very good stuff!
5/21/2017 c5 A
This is shaping up to be a great story. Keep it up.
2/24/2017 c4 Alween
Hi, great job writting this fic.
True, this fiction presents some major cliches like some other reviewers explained in detail. Still i am confused about one fact: they are at war but there is no conflict only embargo? Was there any attack on Kanto soil? Is it between all region or only Kanto and Johto?
Howerver, i am quite happy with the result so far and hope you will keep improving your style. I really enjoy reading OC trainer pokemon being the main focus instead of ash or one of the canon character and I am quite satisfied with your team so far ;) (the egg is elekid?)
After reading Sacrifice and Subjugation by MetalDargon, I found it quite difficult to read fanfiction that are too vanila for my taste and lack a more realistic approach.
Keep the good work and keep on uploading your work
2/17/2017 c5 ews1
I'm loving the potential of the story, I've enjoyed reading it so far. Oc's never seem to be popular but if you continue writing it could be a similar caliber as Game of Champions.
1/18/2017 c5 10Anla'shok
Okay, already on chapter two, some things from chapter one made more sense. The 'asshole rival thing' is also overdone. It wasn't badly written at all, and there are clever world building elements, but it's predictable (at least, for someone who's not new to the fandom).
Also, convenient older and experienced ally joins the party, is super nice (wasted opportunity for conflict) and tells Ignis that Ignis is special because he wants his pokemon to be willing. Listen, if pokemon disobey, trainers can get hurt bad. Pokemon are everywhere. How hard is it to find a willing one? It's not even decency, it's brains. And do you know just how many fics use 'look, he doesn't abuse his pokemon!' as a benchmark for making their characters super decent? You write well, but you seem bogged down by the cliches of this fandom.

On the other hand, if 90% of trainers are abusive, it may explain why ambushes like that cliffhanger at the end of chapter 3 are common. Also, this is proof that when things are really dangerous, being 16 instead of 10 doesn't change a thing.

That said, the battle in chapter 4 was the best of the battles in the story yet (it was kind of fun to see how Ignis' ally became immediately a damsel in distress). There were real stakes.
I liked much less 'oh look, you're so lucky, there's 3 rangers in a 100km radius'. What the hell? Why make the system so flawed? There's a route where all trainers go through, and there's no rangers? It just... I'd instead have had the ranger shout at Ignis because he didn't send a distress signal (since he has a GPS on his pokedex, they know his position) to call for help. What would it have changed not to make Ignis lucky this time, but to make it normal for Rangers to be there to help? Ranger is a great job where you get to travel and have pokemon. I bet half the population applies anyway.

And then Ignis is given an egg. Lol. You seem conflicted between having things handed on a platter to him, but still have things be hard.

The badge battle also lacked stakes. I mean, at worst Ignis loses. So what? He'll try again. I'm also not a fan of battles that read as 'order given' 'action' 'next order'. It's not badly written at all, I'd just very much prefer to see Growlithe develop a personality, or see actual conflict (like the whole attack in the wilds thing, which was your strongest scene after the fire, in my opinion). I want to see Ignis evolve as a character (for now, he's not much more than a nice guy who thinks pokemon are really cool). Big stuff has happened in the last five chapters, but none of it (yet) seems to have any lasting impact. He's still the guy who wants to travel and gather badges that he was in chapter one.

Again, I think this story has potential. That's why I bother to criticise.
1/18/2017 c1 Anla'shok
Hi, I'm always on the look for nice journey fics, so I decided to give this a go.
Honestly, it's better than most. Honestly too, there's a fair few things that could have made this opening more powerful.
You dump a whole load of info on us and a lot is cliche. The 'journeys are too hard for kids but teenagers are definitely ready to tackle them' combined with 'nobody ever? mentions all the dead kids' except they really do since it seems everyone knows (why don't just have Ignis be the little brother of a boy/girl who left at ten and was one of the unlucky dead/maimed making him and his family understandably too scared to follow the 'traditional' path?).
The 'everyone in my family loves pokemon and it's my calling but somehow I've never really had any before' (I did like the coffee-internship detail, though. But not that he didn't get the chance to 'handle' pokemon at all, since it's legal for ten year olds to journey and Ignis was doubtless dying to do it). The 'I stumble upon my special starter and heroically save them, so they willingly journey with me' (although the last one was written in a cool -if perfectible- way.)

The best scene (and heart of the chapter) was finding growlithe. It's also a rather short one. You could have started right with Ignis going to the corral and seeing the fire. There could have been more than one person there, and even a few water pokemon (it would have made it even more serious to see the fire was too big to stop). Ignis focuses on the growlithe, but he could see many pokemon, have to make a choice, fail to save some, get choked by flames. The other pokemon could be trying to save each other, or at least do something... There could have been more chaos.
It could have been even more interesting if Ignis had focused on another fire pokemon (or decided he wanted a water type after the shock of the fire) and instead had ended up with growlithe as a starter because growlithe wanted him (instead of the usual trainer asks pokemon cutesy moment).
What I'm trying to say is that giving true agency to pokemon and making things not look too convenient for the character would be really awesome.

After the fire scene, there's a lot of new characters (which unfortunately makes them forgettable), a lot of talk. It's not bad, but it's something a lot of fics use. It's informative but not that exciting. Also, the three starters were stolen but not the rare fire types? Oak is out of charmander when pokemon can basically be emailed? And that's why Ignis gets the growlithe? It's... convenient. Again, why can't Growlithe just ask for Ignis and spare us all these excuses?

I really appreciate how you want to make the fire scene have an impact ('pokemon can die for real' 'this is serious', also, 'rockets are big villains'), but it still doesn't feel like Ignis realized some people had murdered a bunch of sentient beings. He has a moment (more an intellectual one than true empathy), but shrugs it off and immediately decides to go 'back on track' (if growlithe was angry and grieving, instead of just wagging his tail at his new trainer, it would add some depth, I guess).

The style itself is good, easy to read.
I nevertheless personally prefer when pokemon species names, not used as a proper name, aren't capitalized. I know they are in the game. But it's jarring in a story setting.

Okay, that was a big critic. But that's a good sign, I promise, lol. That means there's enough good stuff to build off on. I usually have very little to say when I don't like the stuff because I'm not invested enough to think about 'fix it's.
I'll be reading the next chapters and review the last one, to see what kind of plot you're bringing here.
1/13/2017 c5 3Harlequin K
Nice chapter. The battles were intense and I liked the way you portrayed Erika is a unique take on the character. I have to say the chapters get better and smoother with every update. Keep up the good work
1/13/2017 c5 2nightsky489
Whew! What a great chapter! The fights were absolutely amazing and described so well. You did a great job describing the gym to a tee. I felt very anxious myself just reading how everyone would be watching him. Growlithe's ember was certainly the golden nickel of the match. Erika had no idea it was coming. I wonder what River would think of Ignis now!
Good work as always Zarok, and I was pleasantly surprised on the call out in the author's note.
I'm looking forward to your future content.
1/13/2017 c5 Magnetra
Just found this story and am really so glad that I did. The world that you're slowly building is amazing. The gym battle was brilliant. I love how you're showing how it is to be another trainer that isint Ash and can go their own way like going to Celadon first. Please update soon!
1/7/2017 c4 nightsky489
Great chapter man. Glad to see you back. You did a good job describing the fight scenes, those mankey were really strong. I'm also excited to see the potential of that growlithe, I'd say Ignis has a real shot down the road of competing.
I can't wait to see what that pokemon egg might be, considering it was from outside kanto. The possibilities are endless.
9/9/2016 c3 5FSOA
This is really good, the chapters are nice and long,
. Keep it up
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