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for Kindred Souls(OLD)

8/3/2018 c4 1Crispina
Whole Japanese phrases are a little too hard to understand. It is really cool to have single words with enough context around the word that even when you don’t know the word, you can still get what it means the first few times. You did well with this in the first chapter.
I like Solana. She kind and has a good sense of right or wrong. She isn’t perfect either, and perfect is borring. She orginally has trouble letting others in, which she is currently learning how to, but it will take time. Also, her stepping in to do the right thing, could be another growing point. Sometimes stepping in might be right, but it isn’t the wisest action.
It is a good story so far! (:
5/7/2018 c1 1DoomGyro
This is English, there is no need to use Japanese in the dialogue, most readers won't understand even if you put the meaning at the end. It just makes it hard to read.

While I can get behind a good OC, yours has a lot to be desired. First of all, I think your little mascot animal could easily be incorporated in a better way. Instead of briefly describing it and forgetting about it, give it a few paragraphs of how it looks and how your character came to meet it.

Second, the way your character reacted to the vandals was predictable. Try setting it up so its not just anger. Perhaps make her feel aloof and not caring, so you can later make her learn that 'I should help people' or 'Is it wrong to not care about other people, am I wrong?'. Also if I may add, the scene was useless to include anyways because it accomplished nothing. If it was necessary for a future point it could easily be mentioned in dialogue.

(Have your reader learn with your character.)

Third, it would just be better if you had your character sitting in the classroom at the beginning and all the other characters are introducing themselves. This is the beginning of the year so she's a new freshmen just like the rest of them, and they started high school at the beginning of Bleach (if you didn't know.)

Forth, and this is more me wondering, what does she think of spirits since she apparently see them? Maybe have her be a spirit fanatic or afraid of ghosts.

Fifth, is amnesia really necessary? Even if it is why would she tell an entire class of strangers about it, and that she was recently released from the hospital, it makes no sense. Any one of those high school students could use that to take advantage of her.

When introducing your character don't use 'they' use something like 'a form moved beneath the sheets. A small and soft hand poked out, revealing the form to be a girl. She grabbed her phone...'

The scene with Ichigo at the beginning was also useless, this is your Oc you don't need to show the life of the character we all already know about. think of it like your character is new and is going to make an impact, so what is that impact?

Sorry for doing this even though you abandoned it, I just thought I'd comment for once. (Your summary was annoying and I thought I'm come and give you some criticism.)
1/19/2017 c4 MarieReeds
It's a good start for a new story with an OC character and the Bleach elements, I can't wait to see what's in store for our heroine.

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