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for Naruko: The Story Retold

9/19/2016 c3 fanficreader71
Great chapter, I enjoyed reading it.
9/19/2016 c3 2KaixDecayx
Lol... Her eyes! They have to have been burned... Mines would have been at that age.. Heck they still do and my ears burn hearing my mom dirty talk during. Like omg pls kill me ... I can only imagine
9/19/2016 c3 idea.getthe
... you could better improve the story by adding a bit more on the awkward morning for laugh. well, more like zabuza and kushina are acting very weirdly in the morning(very shy, awkward and happy) and question her(kushina) why she act that way and what is she doing playing naked taijutsu training in the bad for.
good and detail story. i like the way you describe the background(a good plus since many writer didnt make good background and the whole story seems like a summary rather than a story.)

as for the lemon, i want to say good job but then when i think about it deeply...
well, your lemon is very detail in the background. and the action itself was also in detail.
the bad thing was that it feels more like a long lemon cut short by throwing out the begining part.
you could make it better with a little change. example, at the end of lemon, you put it something like "kushina asking zabuza to ready for another round" situation. so, it create a situation where naru was watching only the middle of the ACT and left the further action with our imagination(they are ninja so i doubt they only last for a round and consider where they are working...).
your lemon was cut out from the front and the lemon end the action so no imagination was spark and only given to the reader from mid to the end.
my suggestion open reader imagination at the end of the lemon as the ACT wasnt finnish. this will also open up the imagination for the beginning part that was cut off. so the lemon feel more complete in a sense.
sorry for the long babbling...
9/19/2016 c3 AnimeFreak71777
9/18/2016 c2 idea.getthe
This is surprisingly good and realistic. Me love it.
9/17/2016 c2 TMCrusoe
Loving it!
9/17/2016 c2 8PinkiePieParty122894
This is fun. _
9/14/2016 c1 AnimeFreak71777
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