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for Overlordly broken

7/25 c7 Bluenait
well i had enough at first yay Overlord but this story is kind of shitty so enough for me bye bye
10/15/2021 c16 Guest
Google brought me here. This story is kinda shit.
4/20/2021 c24 BigRobot
This chapter was basically a huge abort button in face of the criticism of the 25th chapter (which I never read btw). The ending was interesting, but Heavily flawed in concept to the point its outright impossible for any of the events to occur in the first place. Probably because you rushed the chapter, which resulted in plotholes.

1. There is practically no set up for the robed figure (who's actually an alternate universe version of Esdeath or Momonga?) whatsoever to appear and fight. It just happens out of nowhere. It makes the first scene completely irrelevant to the chapter.

2. The guardians wouldn't be fooled so easily by the fakes Alt Esdeath made. If they don't act like them correctly, then they are obviously fakes.

3. Esdeath should've been able to take out the clones of the Guildmembers with ease, why does she struggle with it? She can take out guilds by herself like you state she can do earlier. Guilds are filled with Players, NPCs, and pop monsters, which usually adds up to over dozens upon dozens of powerful beings in them, yet she struggles to deal with 7 clones?

You seem to be continuously inconsistent on how powerful she is. Is she strong enough to take on the entirety of Nazarick on her own? Including the 8th Floor Hierarchy? Or is she weak enough where she struggles to fight 7 players on her own? This could be seen as your response to the complaints of Esdeath being way too broken, which they are right because she is broken. She is SAO levels of bad. No realistic Dev would allow such a character to exist.

4. Esdeath shouldn't have been killed by Longinus, because she has a World Item of her own, which gives her immunity from the World Items effect. Just because Longinus is part of the Twenty doesn't mean it has the ability to ignore the protection of the other World Items. The only meaning of the Twenty name is that these World Items have the most powerful effects and are one time uses.

5. Longinus wipes a target from existence, Esdeath wouldn't be able to be transported to another realm...Unless it is in a dimension of unexistence where things don't exist :p. Still, this Existence erasure ability would mean that Esdeath's soul shouldn't be able to live on.

6. When a character is deleted by Longinus, that is it, they are gone for good unless the resurrection power of other WCIs are used. There is also no such thing as a separate dimension for players deleted by it. This doesn't even make sense in the context of both Yggdrasil and the New World because there is only one Longinus, and Hence, only one person would've been killed by it.

7. The New World isn't a game world, what is the point of forcibly shoving in this half-baked concept? The New World is a real world with some Game Mechanics thanks to a certain power, not a literal Virtual Reality. It can only have game "Errors" and "Bugs" if it was a game world, which the NW clearly isn't.

8. Esdeath's reaction upon being told where she's at is complete nonsense. "Oh I died? Well that's fine, there's always the bigger fish in the pond so I don't care if I'm dead!" Nihilism at its finest.

9. So because Esdeath was so powerful, that she caused a bug to occur? What? Also that plant monster is the giant tree right? If it is then it can't be it as no such bug occurred. Which means an Asspull occurred.

10. "Neither anyone can resurrect you because the item that is needed for your resurrection can't be found in the world".

They don't have a World Item that allows resurrection? You do know that AOG has Hygiela's Chalice right? An item that has immense healing abilities. Its safe to say it is also one of the World Item that allows resurrection. Alt Momonga states that the WCIs that allow it don't exist on the world, but that's bullshit as all World Items are transported to the New World. And there's undoubtedly items that allow resurrection.

11. From the options available:
Option 1: The most obvious non-answer as Esdeath would never go back to the grimderp world of 2138.

Option 2: Also a no go, as Esdeath would more than likely would never see her friends ever again due to being separated by Galaxy, Multiple Galaxies, Universes, Multiverses, etc. We've have not seen an Esdeath that fits this bill. The only way for Esdeath to see her friends again is too use some powerful wishing power to be transported back to where she came. Also why is the option of reincarnation as a race random? Why can't she choose who she wants to be?

Option 3 and 4: These two are both actually correct. The Player is a Part Timer fic is the result of Esdeath picking the 3rd option, and Overlordly Broken Re and its sequels are the result of Option 4. So both are correct options, but the timeline diverges depending on what either option she picked. Of course, what reason would she have to pick option 3 and not be with Momonga again?

This is the part of the ending that's actually decently made.

12. So are those other Hooded people supposed to be AU Ainz and Esdeath's fellow Guildmembers? How did they get there? How much time has passed for Nazarick to be floating in ruins? Millions of years? This isn't explained.

13. Mr. Blue Sky isn't really a suitable track befitting the situation. Esdeath is about to start a brand new life, Which depending on the choices, she may or may not see her friends again. Something more grand would've been better fit.

14. So this is where it was revealed that the Hooded Figures were actually Esdeath and Ainz in disguise but literally nothing is explained as to who exactly they are in particular, why they are "game administrators", what exactly are "Game administrators", How they got this godly power where they can recover from being erased, Why Nazarick is in a Void, etc. LITERALLY NOTHING ABOUT THIS CHAPTER IS EXPLAINED PROPERLY!

Oh, and the universe the New World takes place in isn't a virtual one, so they can't possibly be game administrators, but I probably already said that :p.

Conclusion: It's clear from all the points I've made that you made this ending in a hurry without considering if any of the ideas you wrote down made sense or not, and if its even good. You break huge amounts of the lore just to ensure this half-baked ending can happen, Because that Longinus ignoring World Item protection is just insulting. You wanted Esdeath to die to have the ending, but you made her so powerful that you had to both abuse and discard both overlord's and your own writing just to kill her. Looks like your extreme power fantasy backfired on you :p.
3/29/2021 c4 BigRobot
Forgot to say this from the last chapter, but what makes Zero important enough to be allowed in this meeting with the other Guardians? All he does is "Guard the kitchens and to bypass the level gates of the guild bases". What does this even mean?

But anyways, besides the scene in Esdeath's room, its again a copy and paste of the LN. I think I'll just skip ahead and only comment on things that interest me.
3/29/2021 c3 BigRobot
An exact copy of the LN with the only major difference being the conversations brief conversations between Ainz and Esdeath.

Also Ainz memorizing all 6000 Spells of Yggdrasil? How can he even do that? He only has over 700 in his spell arsenal.
3/29/2021 c2 BigRobot
This character sheet is the result of Lack of Self-Restraint, Peer counseling, and Lack of understanding on how mmos work.

Lets see what we have...

Race only one player has? Check. We all know that it was purposely made to be as super duper cool as Kirito and his mmo defying ways, but what the heck is an "Eclipse" class? That is the Job Class that Momonga has.

Metawritten Job Classes? Check. That Processor Job Class is clearly written for New World, only one of the abilities of it listed actually matters in game. And also spells? I thought your Index-Espers can't use magic?

Job Class only one player has? Check. Accelerator is the name of the Level 5 Esper of Academy City and he's the strongest one. Such a coincidence right? The strongest Esper of Index and The strongest player of Yggdrasil hand in hand.

But for real, why did you go to Magical Index for the source of Psionics instead of going to the source material for Overlord, D&D 3.5? This just speaks of laziness. You just go to other anime and take concepts from them, instead of researching the source material. Even then with the taken aspect, you didn't do much to make it sound less complicated with this AIM field and Personal Reality, but you made it MUCH MUCH more powerful then the source material you took it from. In Index, you can only have one power, here, its the exact opposite.

Higher Stats then everyone else? Alongside having stats even higher with her transformations? Check. I bet World Champions can have a good amount of points to use in their stats, but not literally have an additional 80 and above additional points! Shalltear is min-maxed, and she has 732 total stats. Even with the additional Stats, she still would be taken down by the onslaught of players and npcs. not the opposite. If its the opposite, then she's a World Enemy.

Complete nonsensical powers? Check. It states she has Omnifarious, but in the first chapter its said that she can only change into beings that match her gender. You did say that you did not know what Omni means, but why didn't you go research it before writing it down? Others just can't work in the game and exist to be meta writey as possible.
3/29/2021 c1 BigRobot
Don't be surprised if I start review flooding the review sections lol. First chapter and man did it not age well at all lmao. I'm doing this because I'm bored.

1. To start off, this is pretty much a railroading of the first volume except with the inclusion of an OC. A very common trait for Fanfics that people are tired of. Its this reason among others that the fanfic community is considered lacking.

2. Due to the railroading, your younger self was completely naïve on what's wrong with the overall setting. You not once questioned why they lack the technology to emote in game.

3. Why do you have the first quotation mark below the first word when a character speaks? Its supposed to be above it. This a strange mistake which was thankfully rectified but what stories did you read that have quotations be like this?

4. "Esdeath character was a Nephalem a hybrid between demon and angel. His character race was possessed both race strengths but none of their weakness. He was the only one who was given this race due to his hard work, reports, gameplay and coding tips in the game beta stadium. The developers offered him the chance to design his own base and advanced races what only he can play. Due to his program Engineer work he can knew the ways to how to go around the game rules without breaking them.

After a whole week planning and calculating he sent the plans the most game breaking race in the game to the developers.
Besides its game breaking strength the developers can't find anything that can break the rules in his plans so they allowed it."

Wow...So this is why I got the implications that Esdeath programmed in this unfair game breaking race in herself on her first doc. So basically what you did was instead of outright stating that she programmed in the race herself, you wrote it that she found the race itself because of her working for the company because the race is super difficult to find out it exists.

Anyways, This is cheating. Making a game-breaking bullshit op race that no one can stand up against is cheating. If its so game-breaking, why did the devs allow it? If you did basic research, something like this would never pass the planning phase.

5. "I really love the animes before the third world war. I specifically designed my eyes after two anime one was the Tokyo Ghoul. In the anime, there were human shaped man-eater creatures whose called ghouls. Their eyes sclera goes black their iris goes blood red with red vines across their eye when they go into hunting mode or become excited. The second anime was the anime called Naruto. In the anime was a clan whose had a special eye Kekkei Genkai the Byakugan. The so-called all-seeing eyes. Their eye irises was all white with a white almost undetectable pupil. I designed my character eyes after these two."

How exactly did she discover the existence of these anime considering the fact that the internet is heavily regulated thanks to the corpos ruling the world? and due to how grimderp the canon earth of 2128 is, it would safe to say there aren't many copies left of these mangas.

6. "His character wore a white military uniform. What he designed after a military organization from an anime. I think the anime name was Bleach. He designed his character uniform after the organization named stern ritter. More through the design of his character uniform came from the character named Bambietta Basterbine. With the white cape and the military-styled hat. His character white gloves however designed after Alucard gloves from the Hellsing Ultimate Ova. Due to his character look, all of his gear was contained divine status data crystals and enchantments."

Who exactly is He talking too when going over the origins of his clothing? Anyway, the Millitary uniform she wears looks more like Esdeath's from Akame rather than being from Bleach. Speaking of Akame, why did you not mention the biggest source of inspiration? Considering Esdeath's name and main appearance was taken from one of the major antagonists?

7. "They were only 41 but they managed to reach the 9th place on the server with 12 world items. The second guild in the server only had 3. Originally the guild owned only 11. The 12th world item comes from Esdeath when he raided and conquered alone an another guild base. True before that he requested one world item for an unknown reason. But in the end, he returned victorious with 2 world class item. He managed to raid the enemy guild base kill every enemy player and even loot their whole vault before he destroyed their guild weapon."

Aside from the bad grammar, the most ridiculous thing about this is the thought of Esdeath conquering an entire Guild Base by themselves. This is an MMO game, where your supposed to work with others if you want to get far. The thought of a solo player beating an entire base by themselves is outrageous. This is SAO levels of bad or any other terrible Anime MMO game with this sort of MC for that matter. Solo players should never be able to take on an entire guild by themselves, Touch Me can't do this, let alone taking on all the Nazarick's Floor Guardians.

Also, what happened to the 13th World Item? Esdeath raided and acquired 2 World Items from the guild that she impossibly raided, yet they only have 12? 11 2 13, not 12.

8. "I knew there was a World-Class Item here, but how is it that there are two of them here now?" I think Tabula Smaragdina-san left her the second world item as a goodbye gift. It's good to see he actually cared enough of his NPC before he left. I think we should leave her with it."

Umm, what second World Item? There is no description on what the second World Item is.

9. Nothing to say here, but the rest of the chapter are following the stations of canon of the original plot.
3/12/2021 c20 4Jack's Shack of Story Yaks
Thanks for the chapter!
2/3/2021 c1 Guest
quiero saber en que parte puedo encontrar como diablos le hizo ainz para tener a belsebu y a sus otras hijas dónde lo busco
12/22/2020 c24 Guest
At first i thought it was jus another OC and ainz bullshit but that ending is just amazing..
11/7/2020 c2 KadeBear
Jesus just looking at his stats, I understand why you called this story broken. This character is OP as all else. Looks interesting nonetheless.
8/1/2020 c24 Asura
Was chapter 25 deleted? I wish I had read it, since people talked so much. Too bad it was deleted and I don't think the author will post it again, too bad!
6/25/2020 c13 cally.lloyd.14
Ninya is a Girl dressed as a boy! just thought you want to know.
5/31/2020 c1 Maurz
copy and paste of overlord with a boring self insert sidekick for momonga
5/1/2020 c1
its like you copy and paste the original and change the main character in the process so the plot hols are very odd and frequent, as a result the story is very boring.
I did not like it at all.
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