Just In
for The Black Cat and the White Wolf

11/17/2020 c1 1Rayvaul904
"the creature was delighted to see the guilt the girl felt. It had finally found a suitable host."
... That's totally a hym! Get your grimy, dirty hands off her!
1/25/2020 c3 2Aren serathy
...you think with all these guys know of Witchers they would know of the law of surprises. The code only dictates they take something as payment doesn’t have to be coin.
11/4/2017 c3 RangerOfTheCommonwealth
I really enjoyed this story so far. It's a damn shame it seems to have died off.
11/18/2016 c1 CatScratcher
11/10/2016 c2 10DocHoliday0316
I have to say that I find this fic to be rather good. My only real complaint is that it could use some polishing up. And I felt like the first chapter could be split into two.

Anyway, can't wait to see how the rest of this goes!
11/7/2016 c1 40Lithos Maitreya
This is going to be long, I expect. I'm typing it as I go. I won't proofread closely for every grammatical error, but i'll let you know of any consistent mistakes.

First, you didn't divide your A/N from the story at the top. Bad move right at the start, which makes it even worse: it's the first anyone sees of your story. I know formatting shouldn't be a major factor, but it often decides whether someone reads a story or not.

The number 2 should be spelled, usually; in two sentences, you both use the digit and the word. The inconsistency is jarring.

There is no hook. What do I mean? Your first paragraph is telling us what happened two months ago. We all know Beacon was attacked (probably), so why? Obviously because the important part is how Blake feels about it. The problem is that emotion isn't something you can tell your readers. Ever heard the old adage, 'Show, don't tell?' This is what it means. Blake is TELLING us that Adam left scars, TELLING us that Yang is a "warm, exceptionally kind human." But what Blake tells us is cheap. I want to see how important Yang was to Blake; see it in what she says, yes, but also in what she doesn't say. See it in what she does, too.

More obviously, you need a hook. You should never start a story with a narrative like this. If the first thing I see in a new story is a wall of text, that's bad. You haven't earned my attention for that long yet. You need to draw me in with something interesting, but also easy to digest.

The image at the end of the first scene is good. Powerful. If the entire first scene were written in strict third-person, relying on imagery rather than monologue, that could make for a really powerful hook.

Begin second scene. The imagery is good, although it would benefit from slightly closer attention to grammar. Some redundancy between authorial narrative and dialogue, which is bad. Bit of a tangent: have you ever considered that War and Peace, at a little under 600,000 words, is widely critiqued as being 'too long' or at least acknowledged for its length? Compare to fanfiction, which often reaches 500k and has been known to surpass the one, two, and even more million word mark. Why is that?

It's because of this. Fanfiction authors are too often not careful with their words. More is not always better. In fact, it's often worse. Blake's narrative tells us that this woman is Raven, and then she says exactly the same in dialogue. Cutting out the former would improve flow.

Slightly stilted dialogue. Blake is being a little too direct. What goes unsaid can be every bit as powerful as what is.

Raven's motives are totally unbelievable, sorry. She's afraid of letting Yang down... so she dropped her? Kind of like cutting your arm off as treatment for a papercut. THAT BEING SAID, people don't make sense as a general rule. Telling us that this is Raven's reason? Bad call. That Raven could think like that, in those words, and still leave Yang IS unbelieveable. But that her real reason was fear, and that she was lying to herself? That I could believe. But that would have to be conveyed indirectly, through things unsaid. That's why that subtler brush is so powerful.

Besides, why are we in Raven's head now? We were just in Blake's. The interesting thing about character perspective is that it gives you the chance to explore other characters without telling the readers everything. That's the most fun thing about writing, for me; seeing what I can get across of the non-POV character in a conversation just through what the POV character sees.

Also, why is Blake crying to Raven? Blake has cried onscreen exactly once: in the moment of tranquility when she and Yang had gotten away from Adam and she could really tear herself apart over it. Having her fall apart at the drop of a hat like this honestly cheapens that moment.

The idea of Blake being possessed by a Hym is REALLY compelling. Like, so compelling that if this story had started with that in media res, it would improve things immensely. That's why people use in media res, you know; it lets you get the cool bits in as a hook.

Geralt's introduction? Prime. I know from your reviews of The Wolf in December that you read the books, and it really shows. Geralt feels right, in a way none of the RWBY characters thus far have. I think I can even pin down why: you didn't try to get in his head. If you read over Wolf, you'll notice that, even when I'm in Geralt's head, I almost never actuall write out his thoughts or opinions. That's deliberate. Geralt is a character who THRIVES on subtlety and indirect insight. Having Geralt be introduced from another character's perspective is a masterstroke, and as long as his dialogue is well handled (which this is) the scene can go quite well fairly easily.

Next scene. Geralt's interrupting Blake. Feels wrong. Geralt usually lets people vent and only then offers his dry little pearls of wisdom, as I recall. His opinion on the matter DOES feel like his own; it's how he delivers it that I object to.

Also, I find it hard to believe Geralt would take off Blake's bow in her sleep. Undressing women generally requires consent, for him (jk). Also, opening up about Vesemir. It's believeable, but I find it unlikely. Geralt doesn't open up easily. What isn't is his little speech at the end of the scene about reading people and Blake being a good'un. Geralt doesn't give speeches when he can avoid it. He could avoid it here.

(That's actually one thing I'm struggling with in the potential sequel to Wolf. How the hell to I get reticent, solitary Geralt at the head of a classroom?)

Things are coming a little more slowly now; mostly just rehashing things I've already mentioned about voice. Geralt teaching Blake gwent is a lol moment for me, especially when you consider that, given how much work he puts into getting those cards, Geralt is a shameless addict.

I'm going to go over general impressions of the whole curse-breaking plot now. First, the riddle felt off, at first, but it made a lot more sense in the later context. Second, although all the characters felt believable and were actually quite interesting, there was a little too much open discourse about their actual feelings. Again, indirection is powerful. Third, the ending felt stilted. Mierlayn did not feel like a philosopher. But she does have to exit center-stage somehow, so that's all right.

Raven's re-entry ain't bad. I don't know Regis, having not played Blood and Wine or read the books, but from what little I do know this could make a potentially interesting foil. The only real issue I had was that we missed Raven's progression from arrival, to determining her displacement, to the conversation with Eskel-and ain't that just tragic? I love Eskel, and would love to see him in person-and only get to really join her after a fight with wolves, of all things. Wolves aren't interesting. Unless they're white and have two swords.

Well, that about wraps that up. I might read and review chapter two at some point but this took an hour and when I get that kind of free time I usually prefer to either play a game or write a story. Closing thoughts: you've got a lot of good potential for plot here, with the Hym and the parallel stories with Geralt/Blake and Raven/Regis, but your pacing could use some work. (I know I didn't mention this earlier, but its something that's only really become clear in hindsight.) We went through an entire adventure with Geralt and Blake before even finding out what had happened to Raven.

Consider the Lord of the Rings films. One of the few things I think they did actually better than the books was the dividing of the separate plots of Books Three and Four, collectively known as The Two Towers. In the books, Frodo and Sam get the entirety of one, and the other members of the Fellowship get the entirety of the other. Frodo and Sam's book is the single most boring slog in the entire trilogy. The films, by contrast, jumped fluidly from one to the other, and were better for it. You would be well served to not reach such an ending as we had with this chapter before ever even starting a technically parallel plot.

Other than that, work on using indirection and the unspoken. What people say should not always be what they mean, and sometimes that's the only way to get across the most interesting characters.
10/13/2016 c1 AnimeA55Kicker
I honestly suprised that this story only has 1 review, because it's written very well. No glaring grammar issues, good tone, and the characters are accurate. I hope this fic continues, because there are way too few Witcher fics out there.
10/11/2016 c1 1WanderingPie
I say that this is a 10/10 on my scale. It captures the Witcher feeling while maintaining characteristics of RWBY and Witcher characters. The scene between Blake and Geralt discussing the incident at her school helps teach other readers and expands more of the lore which a fanfiction writer of Crossovers is suppose to do. And also that little quest helps deepen Blake's understanding that there is not black or white situations. Though, my opinion, I despite long chapters due to repetitious scenes and too much/little of this and that but I and this is the only time I will say but, but your chapter kept me reading and not skipping. A novice writer like you who can write long, interesting, and deep chapters is someone I would enjoy to read in the near future. A probable complain would be about spelling and grammar such as it's is for it is and its is for possessive nouns and capitalizations yada yada (To be fair, people tend to get those mixed up). Let me guess, is Pyrrha going to be join band of misfits? Cause that's the only other character I can think of that could be transported to the Continent. Btw, nice easter egg to Olgierd von Everec.

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service