for Like Grains of Sand in the Hourglass2/2/2021 c3 Guest
Great story
Great story
1/30/2021 c11 
5Sammyboy94
I Love the story, there isn’t enough good Harry/Tonks stories out there.
I would like to suggest making a One-Shot story of Moodys Rules, i think it would be a fun read.
5Sammyboy94I Love the story, there isn’t enough good Harry/Tonks stories out there.
I would like to suggest making a One-Shot story of Moodys Rules, i think it would be a fun read.
1/27/2021 c12 1Miranda Flamel
This was really enjoyable! I was a bit skeptical opening this fic in case it was a mary sue (you know the type) but it turned out to be so good!
I LOVE Hermione’s characterization in this and the hinted thruple. I’ll definitely be checking out the sequel!
1Miranda FlamelThis was really enjoyable! I was a bit skeptical opening this fic in case it was a mary sue (you know the type) but it turned out to be so good!
I LOVE Hermione’s characterization in this and the hinted thruple. I’ll definitely be checking out the sequel!
1/27/2021 c10 a7152966
this chapter was so intense my anxiety kicked in and I had to count my breathing to remember to breathe. it is cold in my house, but the adrenaline burning through my body made me leave my blanket cocoon even though I needed the safety. holy fucking shit, I am so glad this is labeled complete. I forgot real life. wow
this chapter was so intense my anxiety kicked in and I had to count my breathing to remember to breathe. it is cold in my house, but the adrenaline burning through my body made me leave my blanket cocoon even though I needed the safety. holy fucking shit, I am so glad this is labeled complete. I forgot real life. wow
1/24/2021 c12 Guest
Sorry, but HPa/tHH comes up blank along with the writer inclusion you mentioned including the space delete.
Sorry, but HPa/tHH comes up blank along with the writer inclusion you mentioned including the space delete.
1/26/2021 c12 Sweet Shy Suz
Because I only read finished stories I seldom leave comments but I am making an exception. I really loved this story. A lot of time travel fics have the time traveler struggling not to change the timeline. Why? Dora changed things when she could and accepted when she couldn't. Can't wait to read the sequel.
Because I only read finished stories I seldom leave comments but I am making an exception. I really loved this story. A lot of time travel fics have the time traveler struggling not to change the timeline. Why? Dora changed things when she could and accepted when she couldn't. Can't wait to read the sequel.
1/26/2021 c12 5The One True Nobody
So, this has been quite a ride. I've been reading this as a download on my Kindle over the past few days and have finally finished it, and I have to say, I was really impressed. I have my issues and criticisms, but I want to first say that even with those in mind, this was an engaging and interesting read from beginning to end and I'm glad I found it. I'll definitely be re-reading this one in the future.
I was kind of surprised to find such a good time-travel story, although that made it all the more disappointing, in a way, when the story fell back on old-fashioned fixfiction tropes. I appreciate the EFFORT that you put in to not make Ron and Dumbledore one-dimensional character-bashing caricatures of themselves (although you didn't even bother to try for Snape), but the fact of the matter is that, while Dumbledore has his faults, he ultimately did save Harry's life with his plots and schemes in the end-and no amount of B.S. made-up "blood wards" fanon logic, no amount of made-up reasons why his plans were "stupid," will change that. Ron's lackluster showing here I recognize as mainly being a matter of you just not knowing enough about the character to do much with him, so it's probably for the best that he just remained on the backburner the whole time.
Snape, though, was just cringe city. Why did you go as far as to not only make him dumber (you do remember that he hid his memories in a Pensieve to prevent Harry from accidentally pushing into them EXACTLY like he does in this story, right?) and more two-dimensional evil (complicit in an attempted rape? because school children would get away with that in a wizard school? really?) while just erasing the part of things where Sirius and James were complete fartknockers at age fifteen (because who needs complexity, I guess?).
I mean, the story is still by and large a fun read. The prose is well-done and you manage to avoid most of the usual traps that ruin time-travel stories and turn them into extended essays about why the author doesn't actually like the story they're doing a fanfiction about; but it's almost more irritating to see flaws like these surrounded by so much good writing, if that makes sense.
Onto the more positive side of things, though: Dora Kirk is a pretty excellent protagonist, though she DOES skirt into "being a complete bitch to people because the author thinks it's cathartic and fun rather than because it MAKES SENSE FOR THE CHARACTER TO ACT THAT WAY" territory a lot of time. When she isn't doing something ridiculous and illogical like intentionally provoking Snape on the very first day, though, she's fun and goes about achieving her goals in some really interesting ways. I liked both her scheme to out Umbridge as a criminal and how that scheme backfired. I also liked that you made a point to stick entirely to her point of view for the duration of the story; it made it feel like this was a legitimate Harry Potter adventure from start to finish to be confined to a single character's view as we are to Harry's in the canon novels. And I liked the way Dora had to adjust to essentially being reborn into a second life when she was sent back in time. THAT was a cool angle and it made it interesting to see how she dealt with the stress...
...although I think you may have made things a little too easy on the matter of Harry being much quicker on the uptake than his canon counterpart, and much more mature in dealing with what he figured out. Harry was hormonal, quite stressed out, and in top "social awkwardness" form for most of Order of the Phoenix, so it's a little spooky to see him so composed and emotionally intelligent a full two and a half years before his canon counterpart could really be accused of displaying that level of maturity. I think you attempted to display some of the transition into that? But I think it needed a bit more on-screen demonstration, because it came out about as halfway-out-of-left-field as Ginny Weasley's character arc in the last three books did (where you learn post-hoc from Hermione that Ginny had a whole off-screen journey of self-discovery that we're only given very occasional half-glimpses of, you know). Considering Dora spends half this novel dating Harry, it feels like more time could have been dedicated to fleshing that out.
Let's see. What else, what else. Hermione and Luna. I think you have an interesting take on Luna, although it's a bit divergent from how she behaves in canon; I'll put that down to you taking an interesting liberty with the source, since it leaves us with a version of Luna that has potential for a larger role in the sequel. Hermione on the other hand... eeeeeeh... I loved her plot to trick Dumbledore, that's exactly the sort of the thing she'd come up with, but I think her hard turn into vindictive anti-authority mode after that point is a bit too abrupt to come off as anything other than author wish-fulfillment. You also just, like... completely ignored S.P.E.W., which I don't really blame you for, but that's a whole part of her personality that just went ignored and it *could* be channeled into the bucking-of-authority angle if you had thought to work at it-so I'm not in love with this Hermione. There's potential for a good arc there that just got more or less skipped over.
Also...
...While it doesn't go so far as to be THAT egregious, do bear in mind that a little delicate handling goes a long way to keep things feeling genuine in matters of romance writing. Which is to say, if you're not careful with the developing Harry/Dora/Hermione relationship, you might just end up writing a trashy romance plot that reeks of "horny male author writes harem daydream: the novel," and that would be a waste. The way you handle Dora and Hermione's sexuality in this isn't quite as thoughtful as it could be.
This is not to say that it can't be explicit, but maybe a little less blunt-force trauma, is what I'm saying? It's hard to organically transition into a polyamorous relationship of any kind, which by extension means it's really easy to write one that comes off as insincere and as a result objectifying. You haven't hit the point of no return, but the warning signs are there. So take care while writing the sequel.
Which I will be following with GREAT interest. Keep up the good work.
5The One True NobodySo, this has been quite a ride. I've been reading this as a download on my Kindle over the past few days and have finally finished it, and I have to say, I was really impressed. I have my issues and criticisms, but I want to first say that even with those in mind, this was an engaging and interesting read from beginning to end and I'm glad I found it. I'll definitely be re-reading this one in the future.
I was kind of surprised to find such a good time-travel story, although that made it all the more disappointing, in a way, when the story fell back on old-fashioned fixfiction tropes. I appreciate the EFFORT that you put in to not make Ron and Dumbledore one-dimensional character-bashing caricatures of themselves (although you didn't even bother to try for Snape), but the fact of the matter is that, while Dumbledore has his faults, he ultimately did save Harry's life with his plots and schemes in the end-and no amount of B.S. made-up "blood wards" fanon logic, no amount of made-up reasons why his plans were "stupid," will change that. Ron's lackluster showing here I recognize as mainly being a matter of you just not knowing enough about the character to do much with him, so it's probably for the best that he just remained on the backburner the whole time.
Snape, though, was just cringe city. Why did you go as far as to not only make him dumber (you do remember that he hid his memories in a Pensieve to prevent Harry from accidentally pushing into them EXACTLY like he does in this story, right?) and more two-dimensional evil (complicit in an attempted rape? because school children would get away with that in a wizard school? really?) while just erasing the part of things where Sirius and James were complete fartknockers at age fifteen (because who needs complexity, I guess?).
I mean, the story is still by and large a fun read. The prose is well-done and you manage to avoid most of the usual traps that ruin time-travel stories and turn them into extended essays about why the author doesn't actually like the story they're doing a fanfiction about; but it's almost more irritating to see flaws like these surrounded by so much good writing, if that makes sense.
Onto the more positive side of things, though: Dora Kirk is a pretty excellent protagonist, though she DOES skirt into "being a complete bitch to people because the author thinks it's cathartic and fun rather than because it MAKES SENSE FOR THE CHARACTER TO ACT THAT WAY" territory a lot of time. When she isn't doing something ridiculous and illogical like intentionally provoking Snape on the very first day, though, she's fun and goes about achieving her goals in some really interesting ways. I liked both her scheme to out Umbridge as a criminal and how that scheme backfired. I also liked that you made a point to stick entirely to her point of view for the duration of the story; it made it feel like this was a legitimate Harry Potter adventure from start to finish to be confined to a single character's view as we are to Harry's in the canon novels. And I liked the way Dora had to adjust to essentially being reborn into a second life when she was sent back in time. THAT was a cool angle and it made it interesting to see how she dealt with the stress...
...although I think you may have made things a little too easy on the matter of Harry being much quicker on the uptake than his canon counterpart, and much more mature in dealing with what he figured out. Harry was hormonal, quite stressed out, and in top "social awkwardness" form for most of Order of the Phoenix, so it's a little spooky to see him so composed and emotionally intelligent a full two and a half years before his canon counterpart could really be accused of displaying that level of maturity. I think you attempted to display some of the transition into that? But I think it needed a bit more on-screen demonstration, because it came out about as halfway-out-of-left-field as Ginny Weasley's character arc in the last three books did (where you learn post-hoc from Hermione that Ginny had a whole off-screen journey of self-discovery that we're only given very occasional half-glimpses of, you know). Considering Dora spends half this novel dating Harry, it feels like more time could have been dedicated to fleshing that out.
Let's see. What else, what else. Hermione and Luna. I think you have an interesting take on Luna, although it's a bit divergent from how she behaves in canon; I'll put that down to you taking an interesting liberty with the source, since it leaves us with a version of Luna that has potential for a larger role in the sequel. Hermione on the other hand... eeeeeeh... I loved her plot to trick Dumbledore, that's exactly the sort of the thing she'd come up with, but I think her hard turn into vindictive anti-authority mode after that point is a bit too abrupt to come off as anything other than author wish-fulfillment. You also just, like... completely ignored S.P.E.W., which I don't really blame you for, but that's a whole part of her personality that just went ignored and it *could* be channeled into the bucking-of-authority angle if you had thought to work at it-so I'm not in love with this Hermione. There's potential for a good arc there that just got more or less skipped over.
Also...
...While it doesn't go so far as to be THAT egregious, do bear in mind that a little delicate handling goes a long way to keep things feeling genuine in matters of romance writing. Which is to say, if you're not careful with the developing Harry/Dora/Hermione relationship, you might just end up writing a trashy romance plot that reeks of "horny male author writes harem daydream: the novel," and that would be a waste. The way you handle Dora and Hermione's sexuality in this isn't quite as thoughtful as it could be.
This is not to say that it can't be explicit, but maybe a little less blunt-force trauma, is what I'm saying? It's hard to organically transition into a polyamorous relationship of any kind, which by extension means it's really easy to write one that comes off as insincere and as a result objectifying. You haven't hit the point of no return, but the warning signs are there. So take care while writing the sequel.
Which I will be following with GREAT interest. Keep up the good work.
1/24/2021 c3 2Toffeecat15
"Mcgonagall... trying to quell the urge to rip and tear into someone"
Now i have the most wonderful image of McG in a Praetor suit
2Toffeecat15"Mcgonagall... trying to quell the urge to rip and tear into someone"
Now i have the most wonderful image of McG in a Praetor suit
1/24/2021 c5 2Antares Graceford
Borderline Weasley Bashing. Its a good story but why do you want to bash Weasleys? Particularly molly and Ginny?
Molly while overbearing, never called anyone a harlot. By fifth year, Ginny was already dating someone else. She wasn't interested in Harry.
What purpose are you trying to achieve?
You're also amping Hermione to be an adult.
2Antares GracefordBorderline Weasley Bashing. Its a good story but why do you want to bash Weasleys? Particularly molly and Ginny?
Molly while overbearing, never called anyone a harlot. By fifth year, Ginny was already dating someone else. She wasn't interested in Harry.
What purpose are you trying to achieve?
You're also amping Hermione to be an adult.
1/24/2021 c12 silvereagle2121
What changed for this story? If I recall it was already complete some time ago and the sequel posted. What was removed or added for the update?
What changed for this story? If I recall it was already complete some time ago and the sequel posted. What was removed or added for the update?
1/23/2021 c2 Guest
As an American Eagle Scout, the correct phasing is "America also has Boy Scouts." Back in the early twentieth century, the request of a couple of American army officers including James West, the British founder of Boy Scouts, Lord Baden Powell accompanied the officers back to the "colonies" (as he liked to put it) and helped the U. S. get the program started. We continue all the British traditions and we've added a few of our own. In British scouting the highest rank is First Class. We've added the ranks of Star, Life, and Eagle above First Class. I've been in the program over 50 years and very much appreciate the British originators of the world most successful world wide youth organization.
As an American Eagle Scout, the correct phasing is "America also has Boy Scouts." Back in the early twentieth century, the request of a couple of American army officers including James West, the British founder of Boy Scouts, Lord Baden Powell accompanied the officers back to the "colonies" (as he liked to put it) and helped the U. S. get the program started. We continue all the British traditions and we've added a few of our own. In British scouting the highest rank is First Class. We've added the ranks of Star, Life, and Eagle above First Class. I've been in the program over 50 years and very much appreciate the British originators of the world most successful world wide youth organization.