for Bye,Bye Konoha10/31/2016 c1 Guest
This is confusing. I wish you had taken more time to explain what is going on. It makes little to no sense.
I hate Sasuke-the bastard but there is no context here. So this makes it look like Naruto's throwing a tantrum. Not good for the hero of the story. Talk about overreactions. And he beat the bastard for being w Suckura. That's stalker behavior and conduct unbecoming of soldier/ninja. IF they are not together, there is no reason to beat whoever Sakura is in love/screwing with. Stalker mode activated!...WTH
Also w Sakura(she's annoying as hell) but it's not cheating if Naruto & her aren't together. (He was on his way to confess, tell her his feeling). Would have been better if she had already agreed to go out with Naruto for whatever reason, then cheated. That would make it more justified. He appears to just be overreacting unnecessarily.
He appears to be acting bratty & whiny. They gave the credit(not crate, spellcheck. Sentence 4 on first paragraph)to Sasuke, so I'm leaving.
And where did the Ino & Hinata screwing the bastard come from. A shark just jumped somewhere. Again, Why would they be? How did that happen. Where is the context. And why would Hinata; who's in love w Naruto & ignores the bastard; had sex with him. Or is this Naruto's assumptions based from the fact that they were going to accuse him of rapping them(how did he found this out anyway? plot hole & why would they accuse him of that at 12. I can see Hinata saying she had consensual sex with Naruto since that's what she always wanted). And why would he care who they are with. You stated he's after Sakura, not Ino or Hinata. Who's out with whom would seem to be the farthest from his mind. If you want Naruto with outside girls that's fine but the Ino & Hinata bashing was unnecessary and unrealistic. Also from the missions mentioned they are around 12-13 & they are all screwing w Uchiha(Maybe you are an Uchiha fanboy, him having all that sex at 12, when the bastard is the coldest fish around & wouldn't know what to do w a girl if his life depended on it). It makes no sense. Can't even figure out what you wanted the fathers to do.
He abandons the village/deserts his ninja code on a whim after a tantrum with Sakura, gets in trouble and first thing he does is to call Konoha for help? And why would Jiraya help a deserter. Don't get it.
If you give context, expand your ideas & your characters motivation, it will help make it more interesting. Good luck.
This is confusing. I wish you had taken more time to explain what is going on. It makes little to no sense.
I hate Sasuke-the bastard but there is no context here. So this makes it look like Naruto's throwing a tantrum. Not good for the hero of the story. Talk about overreactions. And he beat the bastard for being w Suckura. That's stalker behavior and conduct unbecoming of soldier/ninja. IF they are not together, there is no reason to beat whoever Sakura is in love/screwing with. Stalker mode activated!...WTH
Also w Sakura(she's annoying as hell) but it's not cheating if Naruto & her aren't together. (He was on his way to confess, tell her his feeling). Would have been better if she had already agreed to go out with Naruto for whatever reason, then cheated. That would make it more justified. He appears to just be overreacting unnecessarily.
He appears to be acting bratty & whiny. They gave the credit(not crate, spellcheck. Sentence 4 on first paragraph)to Sasuke, so I'm leaving.
And where did the Ino & Hinata screwing the bastard come from. A shark just jumped somewhere. Again, Why would they be? How did that happen. Where is the context. And why would Hinata; who's in love w Naruto & ignores the bastard; had sex with him. Or is this Naruto's assumptions based from the fact that they were going to accuse him of rapping them(how did he found this out anyway? plot hole & why would they accuse him of that at 12. I can see Hinata saying she had consensual sex with Naruto since that's what she always wanted). And why would he care who they are with. You stated he's after Sakura, not Ino or Hinata. Who's out with whom would seem to be the farthest from his mind. If you want Naruto with outside girls that's fine but the Ino & Hinata bashing was unnecessary and unrealistic. Also from the missions mentioned they are around 12-13 & they are all screwing w Uchiha(Maybe you are an Uchiha fanboy, him having all that sex at 12, when the bastard is the coldest fish around & wouldn't know what to do w a girl if his life depended on it). It makes no sense. Can't even figure out what you wanted the fathers to do.
He abandons the village/deserts his ninja code on a whim after a tantrum with Sakura, gets in trouble and first thing he does is to call Konoha for help? And why would Jiraya help a deserter. Don't get it.
If you give context, expand your ideas & your characters motivation, it will help make it more interesting. Good luck.
10/28/2016 c1 
22Tensa-Zangetsu102
I hope that you won't take too long with the next chapter of this story.
22Tensa-Zangetsu102I hope that you won't take too long with the next chapter of this story.