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for Fractured mind

5/15/2020 c5 10Helljumper206
I'm so confused about how this is flowing in so many directions in both the timeline and with flashbacks.
2/14/2018 c1 Guest
There is this vital component of the english language called a "comma" and it looks like this - , now use it.

Also i think ruby is more of an ataru girl, would make more sense with form 5 than niman, since unlike other styles niman takes way longer to learn just at a relaxed pace, and is meant to be used alone with no strengths or weaknesses.
You can still do everything with just one style its just you do somethings better and somethings worse, so mastering 2 signifigantly different styles should be enough.
12/12/2017 c3 djmegamouth
Your writing can use some work. Sorry if that sound so rough I’m just terrible with constructive criticism.
11/21/2017 c17 1Paladin34
Indeed, Amber must work on her sense of humor.

Also, I didn't expect that to happen between Ruby and Turquoise. I bet she will giver a great night to remember if you catch my meaning ;)

Another great chapter man :D
11/9/2017 c3 6CT7567Rules
Hope Ruby and Ahsoka become good friends.
10/19/2017 c16 5ShugoYuuki123
Will there be an update to this story soon?
7/23/2017 c16 1Paladin34
Alright, this chapter was intense. What Summer did to Amber was really awful, beating up her child and treating her like a slave. Also, good to see Roman and Neo.

If Summer is really trying to patch things up with Ruby, it will take more than that I believe. Anyway, great chapter man :)
7/18/2017 c15 Paladin34
Alright that scene with Obi-wan and the senate commandos was cool, and I'm also glad Ruby punched him.

Poor Amber, sje wants to be loved but she doesn't understand how that feeling works or how it feels. I hope she will get past it.

Great chapter once again my friend :)
5/30/2017 c14 Paladin34
This chapter was awesome buddy :) I'm really glad to see Amber and Ruby together that really warms my heart ;)

I also like Slate, although she seems like trouble. Keep it up man :D
5/16/2017 c14 1Auburn13
I like Slate already :) but yeah that was a pleasant surprise to tell you the truth. I can't wait for the next chapter.
5/2/2017 c13 Auburn13
Awesome! I'm really enjoying this story :) Keep up the good work.
4/10/2017 c13 1Paladin34
This chapter was awesome! Really great work.

It did left me a bit sad when Amber died, I really liked her and the poor girl went through so much pain and suffering just to end up dead, that really made me sad. But it was a good chapter nonetheless :)
3/7/2017 c12 Paladin34
Wow, Ruby is a clone now that's mind blowing, I mean Amber. I understand how Anakin and Turquoise are feeling but they must remain strong.
I feel sorry for Amber, she's just so lonely, I hope things can turned around at the end.
2/12/2017 c11 Paladin34
Wow, that Yang must pay for what she has done to Ruby, I hope Anakin breaks her.

I just hope Turquoise's bond with Ruby won't tear apart like she thinks. They are like sisters.
1/31/2017 c1 TheFishKing
Great story so far. I don't think that little Red should be sith or jedi she should side with the Republic but she should be Gray! Also what are you doing about the rest of team RWBY?
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